AIBU to change daughter’s antibiotics schedule and sleep separately after insult?

IcyRubyHiker · 2026-03-18T20:23:27+00:00

Daughter (5) is poorly with tonsillitis. She has antibiotics that she can either take 4 times a day 2.5ml or twice, 5ml. She hates the taste so wants to take it 4 times with a smaller dose each time. My husband was at home today and made the decision she should take it twice, as it’s more convenient with school etc. Cue a lot of upset this evening with her taking it.. so I negotiate the 4 times smaller dose which she’s much happier with. Husband is seemingly raging that I’ve changed the plan and stormed down the stairs calling me a retard… I was so shocked!! (Daughter didn’t hear as he said it half way down the stairs) I know getting a young child to take medicine is stressful but I don’t think the ‘retard’ insult was warranted, plus it’s just such an offensive word. He has also had to take the last 2 days off work to look after our daughter so he’s probably annoyed about that too… I’m considering sleeping in the spare room tonight as I feel pretty disrespected, I just don’t want to talk to him or be near him to be honest. We’ve been unhappy in marriage for a while, and I had to bite my tongue so hard not to just tell him to where to go, but obviously our daughter was there so I just ignored it and carried on with the bedtime routine. What are peoples thoughts?

TheIceBear · 25/03/2026 11:39

Yeh it’s not good that he called you a retard . I would talk about it and tell him you felt hurt . I personally wouldn’t sleep in a separate bed over this . Sometimes tensions run high when a child is sick and that’s no excuse for him using that word but I think sleeping in a different bed is OTT without having a calm discussion about it .

DeepRubySwan · 20/03/2026 06:06

You deciding quite reasonably to modify the dosing schedule to avoid meltdowns is not in the same ballpark as calling you a retard. To all the posters shaming you, please understand that. It is verbal abuse and I would tell him: never ever speak to me like that again, especially in front of our child.

cyclonethenext · 19/03/2026 21:09

IcyRubyHiker · 19/03/2026 14:17

Exactly. It’s worked well with the lower dose and I feel good to have given her the choice.

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You're a good, caring mum. Good luck with your husband. Please do see a relationship counsellor so you can tell someone the truth about all the things he has been doing and saying - because I know this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Good luck.

cyclonethenext · 19/03/2026 21:08

Parker231 · 19/03/2026 11:43

Have you apologised to him for trying to overrule his way of parenting ?

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Ah you're a misogynist who will always defend men who abuse women. Noted.

Ube · 19/03/2026 15:38

IcyRubyHiker · 19/03/2026 12:11

I don’t feel able to go and apologise to someone who has called me a retard in an aggressive manner. So no I haven’t apologised to him.

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I don't blame you!

Ube · 19/03/2026 15:37

Myskyscolour · 19/03/2026 10:23

FFS you don’t negociate or bribe a 5yo to take medicine! Give her a choice when she is getting dressed or choosing a snack, but not when it comes to health. Especially if someone else has been handling the medicine with her and you then undermine their choice. Did you now tell her that you were wrong and she will do the 2 doses?

Why do you think you know better than the GP who said 4 doses is an option?

Original poster

IcyRubyHiker · 19/03/2026 14:17

BigBruisedFruit · 19/03/2026 12:45

Then you say "sorry, you have to take it to get better, but you can choose whether it's twice or four times." At least, that would work on my 3yo. And sounds like it worked for OP's daughter.

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Exactly. It’s worked well with the lower dose and I feel good to have given her the choice.

OP posts:

Original poster

IcyRubyHiker · 19/03/2026 14:16

Parker231 · 19/03/2026 12:26

And you have questioned his parenting ability - you’re both as bad as each other

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I disagree.

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Velumental · 19/03/2026 13:05

Parker231 · 19/03/2026 12:26

And you have questioned his parenting ability - you’re both as bad as each other

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Erm no those 2 things are not the same

BigBruisedFruit · 19/03/2026 12:45

CrazyGoatLady · 19/03/2026 11:24

So what then happens if and when the 5 year old still doesn't like the taste of smaller doses and whines about taking it 4 times a day as well? If you've negotiated once, kiddo may well think they can bargain again.

I think @watchingthishtread is spot on about the DH going from 0-100 very quickly and OP needing to be right, and both believing the other one needs to change.

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Then you say "sorry, you have to take it to get better, but you can choose whether it's twice or four times." At least, that would work on my 3yo. And sounds like it worked for OP's daughter.

Parker231 · 19/03/2026 12:26

IcyRubyHiker · 19/03/2026 12:11

I don’t feel able to go and apologise to someone who has called me a retard in an aggressive manner. So no I haven’t apologised to him.

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And you have questioned his parenting ability - you’re both as bad as each other

Original poster

IcyRubyHiker · 19/03/2026 12:11

Parker231 · 19/03/2026 11:43

Have you apologised to him for trying to overrule his way of parenting ?

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I don’t feel able to go and apologise to someone who has called me a retard in an aggressive manner. So no I haven’t apologised to him.

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Parker231 · 19/03/2026 11:43

IcyRubyHiker · 19/03/2026 07:29

Thanks all for the replies.

Just to reiterate I haven’t bulldozed a long standing pattern of medicine dosage. She’d only had one dose so far and I was giving her the second dose.

She took it absolutely fine this morning and is clearly happier with 4 smaller doses (which is actually instructed on the bottle) so I’m pretty happy with that.

I can tell my husband is embarrassed by his insult but he hasn’t apologised and I don’t expect he will.

Have you apologised to him for trying to overrule his way of parenting ?

Original poster

IcyRubyHiker · 19/03/2026 11:36

Thanks for all the responses. I’m going to park this one here now as I have quite a bit to reflect on.

Not so much the medicine dosage but the (not so) open lines of communication and name calling. Ugh.

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Original poster

IcyRubyHiker · 19/03/2026 11:34

Myskyscolour · 19/03/2026 10:23

FFS you don’t negociate or bribe a 5yo to take medicine! Give her a choice when she is getting dressed or choosing a snack, but not when it comes to health. Especially if someone else has been handling the medicine with her and you then undermine their choice. Did you now tell her that you were wrong and she will do the 2 doses?

The doctor literally said about the choice of dosage in her appointment 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m not a massive push over, just respect my daughter has some body autonomy and she was told there was a choice by a medical professional.

There are clearly two camps here, one who are just saying what happens and not giving their child any choice and one who asks their child their preference (after they’ve already been told there was a choice by the doctor). It’s really interesting how different these parenting styles are and I know firmly which is my preference for my child.

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CrazyGoatLady · 19/03/2026 11:24

BigBruisedFruit · 19/03/2026 07:47

It's not whether they take the medicine. Obviously, they have to take the medicine. No negotiation there. However, they do have the option between 2 or 4 times a day.

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So what then happens if and when the 5 year old still doesn't like the taste of smaller doses and whines about taking it 4 times a day as well? If you've negotiated once, kiddo may well think they can bargain again.

I think @watchingthishtread is spot on about the DH going from 0-100 very quickly and OP needing to be right, and both believing the other one needs to change.

Original poster

IcyRubyHiker · 19/03/2026 11:05

watchingthishtread · 19/03/2026 08:04

The medicine thing is not the big issue. You want to do it one way. He wants to do it the other. There's no wrong or right way.

The issue is that you're married to someone who "goes 0 to 100 in 3 seconds". That trait is at best unhelpful, at worst dangerous.

What's not helping is that you seem to want to be right.

Couples therapy might help but you would have to both be willing to make changes. I have a suspicion that each of you think that only the other one needs to change.

I think you are spot on.

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Myskyscolour · 19/03/2026 10:23

FFS you don’t negociate or bribe a 5yo to take medicine! Give her a choice when she is getting dressed or choosing a snack, but not when it comes to health. Especially if someone else has been handling the medicine with her and you then undermine their choice. Did you now tell her that you were wrong and she will do the 2 doses?

CharSiu · 19/03/2026 08:43

So it’s 2 or 4 times a day and the issue is she doesn’t like the taste.

I wouldn’t have even told her there was a choice and it would be twice a day.

He shouldn’t have called you a retard.

Enjoy the teenage years coming op you are being far too accommodating, my best advice is you can’t always be your child’s friend and that is the failing of present day parenting.

Tarkadaaaahling · 19/03/2026 08:34

IcyRubyHiker · 18/03/2026 20:43

He had left the room as he was getting too wound up with the whole situation and losing patience. I was just trying to get her to take the medicine, so it was a counter offer I suppose to let her have a smaller dose to get some of the antibiotics actually in!

I will be the one doing all of the antibiotics as he’ll be back at work tomorrow so it doesn’t really have a practical effect on him.

i appreciate I’ve probably really annoyed him and perhaps in some other people’s eyes I shouldn’t have given our daughter the choice, but it is what it is now and I don’t think his insult was justified.

Tbh you need to rethink your parenting style if you are in the habit of negotiating with a 5 year old.
I would not have been 'counter offer' making with a 5 year old over an essential medicine that she needs to take. She needs to take it or she won't get better so that's that.

You will have problems later down the line if you allow her to think she gets to dictate the terms at age 5 - you and her dad are in charge not her.

Personally I think it was pretty bad that you undermined him when he's been the one dealing with this the past two days - it creates a dynamic with your daughter than Daddy won't budge but mummy gives her what she wants.

but he absolutely should not have said what he did. You both need to apologise.

HoskinsChoice · 19/03/2026 08:19

Tryagain26 · 19/03/2026 08:00

Of course she should have a day. It's her body! And she knows how she feels.
Also it's impossible to make someone swallow something they are determined to spit out. If she hates the big doses she will get more stressed and forcing her will make her retch and she will just bring it all up again..

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Did you miss the bit about her being 5?! If we gave 5 year olds the choice of what they do/don't put into their bodies, their diet would be entirely made up of slugs and ice-cream.

watchingthishtread · 19/03/2026 08:04

The medicine thing is not the big issue. You want to do it one way. He wants to do it the other. There's no wrong or right way.

The issue is that you're married to someone who "goes 0 to 100 in 3 seconds". That trait is at best unhelpful, at worst dangerous.

What's not helping is that you seem to want to be right.

Couples therapy might help but you would have to both be willing to make changes. I have a suspicion that each of you think that only the other one needs to change.

Tryagain26 · 19/03/2026 08:00

HoskinsChoice · 19/03/2026 07:54

'I think'. But your husband doesn't agree. So you need to work together like grown ups and make a joint decision. Overruling each other is awful parenting. As is allowing your child a say in the decision - she should never have been given a choice. There's no excuse for calling anyone a retard but the backcloth to it is a mess created by both of you.

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Of course she should have a day. It's her body! And she knows how she feels.
Also it's impossible to make someone swallow something they are determined to spit out. If she hates the big doses she will get more stressed and forcing her will make her retch and she will just bring it all up again..

Tryagain26 · 19/03/2026 07:57

Hankunamatata · 18/03/2026 20:27

Twice a day makes more sense with school.
Name calling nots ok.

It doesn't make any sense if the child is much happier with 4 smaller doses.
Getting young children to take medicine can be a nightmare so it's always best to go with whatever they are happier with.

HoskinsChoice · 19/03/2026 07:54

IcyRubyHiker · 18/03/2026 20:31

It does make much more sense but I can just see her refusing every single time as the dose is too big (in her eyes) and I think it’ll be easier with the smaller doses more often.

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'I think'. But your husband doesn't agree. So you need to work together like grown ups and make a joint decision. Overruling each other is awful parenting. As is allowing your child a say in the decision - she should never have been given a choice. There's no excuse for calling anyone a retard but the backcloth to it is a mess created by both of you.