AIBU not wanting to use annual leave for stepdaughter’s childcare cover?

You’d use your annual leave for a friend? To give childcare? When the parents could use their own annual leave or pay for child care? My annual leave is valuable to me.

your sisters are living their equally adult lives to you even if childfree. When I’m a grandparent I will remember how our lives at this stage were non stop, juggling work and kids and sports and meetings. Weekends are back to back sports and taxi and coaching and team duties and there is lots of evening housework and admin because there are no other hours in the day; and once I’m a grandparent I expect to have weekends and come home from work if working and not have several solid hours of parenting or childcare committee or footy club meeting and I will want to help my kids if they are in that stage, it’s different for parents.

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So then you're the same as your husband - you love her but don't want to help?

Because sometimes (a lot of times ime of being a family) we pit ourselves out for family, even when it isn't convenient.

I'd do it for a friend, never mind my own flesh and blood.or stepfamily.

I think its a cop out that dh won't take the time off because he doesn't have many leave days left because what's more important than helping his child?

I would do it in your shoes but I wouldn't look at dh the same way.

Especially as he isn't doing as much for his dgc as his ex and at a worrying time for his own dd i can't imagine anything being more important to me.

I'd do it because 1) I could 2) I like her 3) she's a single mum and her own mum is poorly and it's a worry.

Him being selfish isn't a reason not to be a helpful person. If you want to be.

Well tell her to do so if she can.
You could offer 1 days help but she needs to use hers or swap.

As a single parent I have been really stuck at timesBUT the way I saw it was why should my sisters (no parents) give up a day's leave ,what makes my work more important than theirs?
Would SD not be entitled to some parental leave?

Your husband should take the day, you said he would have "barely any leave left", so he does have some.

https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave/entitlement

Be honest. Say sorry and that you have no more leave to take.
She just asked. Offer to pay 20 to help towards child care for that day.

Her own mother will need to take the time off or arrange something else.

Very non committal answer but I don’t think you’d be unreasonable either way.

How much more holiday do you have than your husband that means you’re the “go to” person?

If she can take time off herself I don’t understand why she’s asking? Does she not have any AL left?

I’m completely stuck at ‘husband doesn’t get much annual leave at all’ so couldn’t possibly, and the later confirmation that actually he of course gets the standard amount of 25 paid days a year. Like everyone else.

while in general of course if someone has to use annual leave it should be the parent, is her job at risk, has she used a lot recently for her kids, is it the busy period… people with young kids are often in busier roles and need the career benefit of performing well than grandparents, I don’t know if any of this applies to you and your dil but it would factor into my view.

again, your husband gets lots of annual leave. Over a month. People who want more than that either can pay for it in a purchase leave scheme if that’s an option or work part time. If I were a grandparent and working I would be very comfortable using some of my 25 paid leave days on emergency childcare, knowing what a difference that makes to busy working parents.

Why dig? Not everything has to be equal.
the OP already said she still works and other grandma is collecting and dropping off so it’s not as she’s prioritising her own daughter.

Shouldn't this be the on Dad or actual mum of SD to sort out?

Totally agree. I dont see why Grandparents are obliged to help.

I think its fine for DSD to ask and be hopeful. But id also expect her to be gracious if family advise they have their own work commitments.

It doesn’t sound like she ever asks you to do this, so it doesn’t sound like she planned her leave knowing this will be an issue. I’m going to guess she booked the leave assuming her childcare arrangement with her mum would be continuous.

She’s found herself in a sticky situation and is asking for help. You don’t have to give it but I’m surprised how many excuses you’re giving and how hard you’re finding this. As a single mum yourself, I’m surprised you needed to post this thread, can you not remember what it was like to have to juggling it all on your own?

You haven’t responded about why you’d need to take off full days when you’re only needed for a few hours max.

You clearly don’t want to book annual leave for this, so don’t. There’s no point doing it if you’re going to be resentful about it.

Its reasonable to tell your DSD im sorry im at work. You arent refusing to help, youre busy.

And while DSD can get emergency parental leave you cant.

If your stepdaughter has worked for her company for over a year, shes entitled to parental leave (usually unpaid!) for up to 18 weeks up until her child is 18 years of age (1 week per year).
She should make the request in writing 21 days in advance.
She is also entitled to emergency (or carer's) leave, should no childcare be available!
I urge her to have a Google and/or look at ACAS website.
Its a statutory right btw.

You don’t want to take one day for a granddaughter you adore?

If only life was just about work.

OP works 13 hours more a week, yes. But I’m going to assume she has her weekends and evenings free to do as she wants with. That she gets full nights sleep most nights, eats what she wants when she wants, has peaceful evenings.

OPs step daughter is a single parent so will be juggling her work along side every thing that goes with caring for a young child.

Look, no one’s making OP help, it’s totally her decision. But families do usually try to help eachother out where they can, especially if some are going through particularly tough times. Being a single parent is bloody hard work, hopefully someone can help in this instance.

I wouldn't tie yourself in knots, she has options that don't affect you, she needs to use them. You're already feeling resentful and if you do this it could set a precedent.

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No I think she’s being very selfish. She’s clearly wanting to use her annual leave for what she wants to do. Why can’t she get paid childcare?

Are there any holiday clubs she could go to for the Easter holiday date? They are usually for school age kids but some of them take 4 year olds before they have started school.