AIBU not wanting to use annual leave for stepdaughter’s childcare cover?

I find it a bit strange that your husband can not do it on the basis they he would have 'barely' any leave left. That's just too bad? If he doesn't need to do it, you don't need to do it.

Must vary between industries as statutory minimum is common in mine. Mind you, I used to work in the states and all UK AL packages look extremely generous after that experience. I’m one of the people who never takes my full AL allowance anyway so I wouldn’t mind taking a one-off day to help out a family member if I felt she really needed it.

This! She takes leave not you

while in general of course if someone has to use annual leave it should be the parent, is her job at risk, has she used a lot recently for her kids, is it the busy period… people with young kids are often in busier roles and need the career benefit of performing well than grandparents, I don’t know if any of this applies to you and your dil but it would factor into my view.

Back to the point I made yesterday. How patronising this comment is, making the assumptionthat the OP can't possibly have a proper job to do herself & can drop everything to look after a child. The step daughter works in care. We don't know what the OP does, but she does work FT in a "full on" role. Many of us have thriving professional careers in mid life which we love and work hard for.

I think it's poor, both my last job and the one I have now are 25 days annual leave plus 8 days bank holidays which I thought was common. I can also buy an extra week.

I still wouldn't be using it to look after DH's grandkids though!

This.

@crazycatladyof6 if it was your own dd would you do ? If so then yes you are being unreasonable . Do you treat the grand child like your own ? If so then yes you are being unreasonable. You are either family and support each other or you don’t .

Has your dh not got any annual leave he can use ?

Im grandma and I’d try and take a day off, a couple of days to help. But equally if you can’t, you can’t 🤷‍♀️. There was a time when I was still working as a teacher and it’s just not a case of having random days off, any help I used to give could only be done in the school holidays. Whatever your job is, if you can’t, you can’t 🤷‍♀️. If you don’t want to use your annual leave and it sounds 100% that you don’t, then you can’t. Your SD will need to work out her own childcare, whether taking annual leave, dependent leave, whatever. I know you say dad isn’t in the picture, but what about friends? What does your SD do when her mum is ill etc and can’t make the odd say or drop off?

What holiday entitlement anyone else does it doesn’t have is irrelevant. The SD should be using her own leave to look after her own child, not expecting anyone else to. The fact she’s a single mum doesn’t change that either.

this sounds pretty reasonable to be fair. She hasn’t planned well.

she also said her poor deprived husband has to stagger on as he gets very limited leave. When what she seems to have meant was he gets 25 days plus a few so she’s not necessarily the best at accurately conveying a situation.

Stepdaughter needs to plan her AL usage better. Myself and dh always leave a day each for unforeseen situations. We book them in as late as we can so that we can cancel it if needed and take it earlier if something comes up. She is being very cheeky asking you to use your AL for childcare when she's using hers for holidays.

Of course yanbu. Your annual leave is for you, and she has her own. It's a kindness that you sometimes use your spare time to help her but this time she is asking for is not spare and she cannot have it.

Is the "other nan" you write of the child's nan via the dad, or your stepdaughter's actual mum? Whichever of them is the answer - where is the other in this? Are none of the males in this situation remotely competent at childcare that it has to be for the women?

If no one closer is willing your step daughter has a right to unpaid parental leave and the right to request flexibility from her employer to allow her to deal with it herself. It woukd be massive cheekyfuckery for her to expect this of you.

Ah, I see why she thinks she can keep bludging annual leaves days off of you. You have been far too generous with your hard earned annual leave and your precious irreplaceable time. She sounds extremely entitled, and quite thoughtless towards you and her father.

It's not a one off due to a medical issue. The CF SD doesn't have a medical issue, her unpaid babysitter does.

So it's a cheeky fucker request because the CF SD doesn't have a babysitter due to her choice not to find and pay for a babysitter and because the cheeky fucker SD doesn't want to use one of her annual leave days, swap a day (as she did at Christmas) take a sick day (as OP has pointed out she does if the roster doesnt suit her sometimes).

Its become a problem because the CF SD doesn't want to take responsibility for her child for that day, but palm that off and help herself to someone else's annual leave day.

And OP has already said that yes she would feel the same about CF SD trying to filch her day off even if she was a CF DD instead.

Tho op said he didn’t get much annual leave at all in her op

i was questioning why he didn’t get the 28 days

but seems that he does

If t was your own child asking for one of your other grandkids, would you take a day off?

Obviously YANBU to choose how to use your annual leave, but if it’s truly a one off due to a medial issue I can’t see how taking just one day of your leave is a big deal to look after a graduate’s you apparently love so much.

It is horribly unkind of the CF SD to try to purloin other people's hard earned days off. She should not even have asked and it was beyond entitled of her to do so.
Loving someone doesn't mean you should let them be unkind and a cheeky fucker to you.

So the CF SD can just do the right and loving thing and treat her stepmother and father with kindnenss and decency and use her own annual leave days on the days when she can't get someone else to look after her own child.

Being a good parent and loving them sometimes means not being a doormat.

You don't have to be a doormat to show you love your adult kid.

And, of course, even if the cheeky fucker SD doesn't have days she can use (although she does) that doesn't, actually matter.

What you don't do, ever, is try to filch other people's very hard earned annual leave days because your kid needs a babysitter. CF SD gets plenty of support already.

What you do instead is figure out a way for your child to be looked after without harassing your stepmother or father and trying to help yourself to their hard earned holiday time.

It's beyond entitled to try to blackmail people into giving up their own annual leave to look after YOUR CHILD.

It's not difficult. It's not complicated. Of course OP must not do this.

I would take a days annual leave to help out family.

I’ve read your posts and I can’t work out when your husband’s annual leave year runs to and how much annual leave he has left.

Maybe she needs to take it unpaid or unbook the holiday? That's parenting sometimes.

Agree.
lets balance this against al the “im so overwhelmed” posts on here.

Step daughter is single parenting a 4 year old and working. That’s a rough ride. We should assume that it’s she’s asking for help for 1 particular day it’s not because she’s lazy - it’s because her work schedule and nursery hours don’t always match!

You read it right. Would it help if it was written in UPPER CASE?

She can ask, you can say no. Personally I would and make a fun day of it. Sounds like you only do childcare on your terms usually, as the other Grandma covers essential childcare. I think it'd be kind to help as it seems like an exceptional situation rather than the norm.