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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU not wanting to use annual leave for stepdaughter’s childcare cover?

285 replies

crazycatladyof6 · 18/03/2026 19:20

Hello everyone, I just want to know if I’m being unreasonable. There’s a part of me thinks I am so wanted to know what others think. My husband and I have a granddaughter who we absolutely adore. We both work full-time and my husband actually doesn’t get much annual leave at all. It’s a bit of a problem. My stepdaughter works part-time 24 hours a week and our granddaughter goes to nursery on the days when her mum is at work and her other Nan who is very local collects her until Mum is home. She also takes her to nursery school in the morning. Unfortunately, my stepdaughter‘s mum needs to have some treatment and my stepdaughter has asked if we will have our granddaughter so she can go to work. This will mean that we will have to take annual leave to be able to have our granddaughter. One of the days I actually can’t do anyway because I’m already on annual leave for something that’s been booked for about eight months and then the other day I’m at work as is my husband and I’ve actually run out of annual leave at present. it does reset in April so I could take an annual leave day and this is where I need to ask AIBU to not want to take an annual leave day so my stepdaughter can go to work when it’s also my working day?

OP posts:
Twilightstarbright · 19/03/2026 20:53

It doesn’t sound like either of you
have spare annual leave to use and unpaid leave would put you into financial difficulties.

cyclonethenext · 19/03/2026 20:45

Summerunlover · 19/03/2026 20:02

Honestly it’s one day. I would do it to help her out.

CF SD has her own annual leave and has chosen not to use it. She can also swap days and did so at Christmas, but has chosen not to do that. She has filched their annual leave on other occasions too.

CF SD thinks she is entitled to keep her annual leave and help herself to her stepmother and father's to fulfill her own parenting responsibilities.

This is not a one time helping someone out. This is a pattern of over entitlement and cheeky fuckery demands and it's really time OP put a stop to it.

cyclonethenext · 19/03/2026 20:41

crazycatladyof6 · 19/03/2026 13:09

My husband gets 25 days annual leave plus Christmas, boxing and New years day. Three of these days he HAS to take at Christmas so he’s now down to 22 days. He also has his own business on top of his day job which takes a couple of days a year down to 20 days a year. We have a holiday booked which is 11 days annual leave so now down to 9 days. We are taking DGC away for a midweek break so down to 5 days. We then have an overnight booked with DGD so down to 3 days. We are also supposed to be going away for a long weekend with friends so now at 1 day left. See the issue and now actually, we are already doing for our grandchildren but that leave doesn’t go far.

Show quote history

Even if he had 40 days free, they're not his daughter's to purloin. It is NOT an emergency, she knew about it in advance, she has her own annual days or she can swap days. If her unpaid babysitter can't work for a few days that is her issue to solve.

It's exceptionally entitled of her to make this request of you and according to your other posts it's not the only time you have given away your very hard earned annual leave days to her either.

I would consider drawing much firmer boundaries and encouraging her to parent her own child - which includes sorting out paid childcare, taking her own annual leave or however that looks for her - when her unpaid babysitters have things they need or want to do.

It is her problem, of her own making. And you are absolutely perfectly 100% entitled to say no to someone attempting to help themselves to your annual leave days, regardless of the situation. It's an enormous favour to ask, and it's time she got the memo and stopped asking.

PippEmma · 19/03/2026 20:10

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/03/2026 19:31

If your dh is working full time then should get 28 days pro rota - so why isn’t he

yes it’s a little insane that you have to take a days holiday to cover childcare when the mum can take a days holiday

tho how many days are we talking about ?

I think you will find the 28 days includes Bank Holidays i.e. 20 days leave plus 8 Bank Holidays paid per annum, pro rata for part time.

Createausername1970 · 19/03/2026 20:06

BarbiesDreamHome · 18/03/2026 23:47

So then you're the same as your husband - you love her but don't want to help?

Because sometimes (a lot of times ime of being a family) we pit ourselves out for family, even when it isn't convenient.

I'd do it for a friend, never mind my own flesh and blood.or stepfamily.

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You would use your last couple of days annual leave for a friend's childcare, rather than them having to take time off for their own childcare?

Blimey, I can't say I would unless it was life or death.

But to pick up on another point, stepdaughter needs more than one day anyway, OP genuinely can't do the other days because of existing commitments. So even if OP covered the one day she potentially could (by taking leave), step daughter still needs to cover the other days anyway.

Summerunlover · 19/03/2026 20:02

Honestly it’s one day. I would do it to help her out.

Nicewoman · 19/03/2026 20:02

crazycatladyof6 · 18/03/2026 19:20

Hello everyone, I just want to know if I’m being unreasonable. There’s a part of me thinks I am so wanted to know what others think. My husband and I have a granddaughter who we absolutely adore. We both work full-time and my husband actually doesn’t get much annual leave at all. It’s a bit of a problem. My stepdaughter works part-time 24 hours a week and our granddaughter goes to nursery on the days when her mum is at work and her other Nan who is very local collects her until Mum is home. She also takes her to nursery school in the morning. Unfortunately, my stepdaughter‘s mum needs to have some treatment and my stepdaughter has asked if we will have our granddaughter so she can go to work. This will mean that we will have to take annual leave to be able to have our granddaughter. One of the days I actually can’t do anyway because I’m already on annual leave for something that’s been booked for about eight months and then the other day I’m at work as is my husband and I’ve actually run out of annual leave at present. it does reset in April so I could take an annual leave day and this is where I need to ask AIBU to not want to take an annual leave day so my stepdaughter can go to work when it’s also my working day?

Where is the stepdaughter’s mother? Why is the stepdaughter asking her mother-in-law to take time off? How about the father’s parents? Aunties? uncles?

the stepdaughter has a ton of blood relatives including her brother, aunts, uncles, why aren’t they taking time off?

why are they asking the inlaws?

Don’t worry. When she needs a kidney she will ask her stepmother again, instead of going to her blood relatives who all say No way, FO.

FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 19/03/2026 20:02

HazelMember · 19/03/2026 18:49

Can your husband take unpaid leave?

The child's mother is the one that needs to take unpaid leave.

CookingFatCat · 19/03/2026 20:00

I wouldn’t set a precedent here. Annual leave is precious.

Yardbrushes · 19/03/2026 19:56

OP, I think you need to drop the rope.
This is not for you to fix.
She needs to cut her clothe like all parents.
I think you are being used and taken advantage of.
Its up to you if you wish to be used like that.

changeme4this · 19/03/2026 19:56

How long is it likely to go on for? Is the other granny out of action of an extended period of time due to illness?

jdb9803 · 19/03/2026 19:37

Itsmetheflamingo · 18/03/2026 19:25

you don’t want to take ONE DAY annual leave to help your SD? Did I read that right?!

She could also take leave and look after her own child

Original poster
crazycatladyof6 · 19/03/2026 19:35

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/03/2026 19:16

So it seems - so not sure op first post said he didn’t get much holiday

he gets what all employed people do

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Some of his leave is dictated and he has to take it over Christmas. If you see an earlier post he gets 28 days but 3 of these days is Christmas, boxing and New Year’s Day. He also HAS to take 3 of his days between Xmas and new year as the business he works for shuts down so he’s straightaway at 22 days annual leave for the remainder of the year. 11 of these are earmarked for a holiday we are going on. 2 for his own business. Four are earmarked for a midweek break with DGC. Then a long weekend with friends and another long weekend with DGC plus an overnight with DG so that leaves him one day annual leave for the whole year

OP posts:
Original poster
crazycatladyof6 · 19/03/2026 19:33

HazelMember · 19/03/2026 18:49

Can your husband take unpaid leave?

Unpaid leave? We have a massive mortgage so no, this is not an option

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 19/03/2026 19:16

Fiddy1964 · 19/03/2026 18:40

He will be getting 28 days. OP mentioned he gets 25 days plus days off at Christmas which I would imagine will be Christmas day, boxing day and January 1st.

Show quote history

So it seems - so not sure op first post said he didn’t get much holiday

he gets what all employed people do

EvieBB · 19/03/2026 19:15

Itsmetheflamingo · 18/03/2026 19:25

you don’t want to take ONE DAY annual leave to help your SD? Did I read that right?!

yes, you read it right. OP has run out of her own a/l

RisingSunn · 19/03/2026 19:02

HazelMember · 19/03/2026 18:49

Can your husband take unpaid leave?

But the actual parent can take unpaid leave. Why should that be required from a grandparent - when the parent is entitled to unpaid parental leave?

I would never asked that of someone - without having tried to take unpaid leave myself.

HazelMember · 19/03/2026 18:49

Can your husband take unpaid leave?

Fiddy1964 · 19/03/2026 18:40

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/03/2026 19:31

If your dh is working full time then should get 28 days pro rota - so why isn’t he

yes it’s a little insane that you have to take a days holiday to cover childcare when the mum can take a days holiday

tho how many days are we talking about ?

He will be getting 28 days. OP mentioned he gets 25 days plus days off at Christmas which I would imagine will be Christmas day, boxing day and January 1st.

JoJo10 · 19/03/2026 18:29

I presume if DGD is 4 and nursery is closed then she’s at a school nursery? Is a holiday club an option?

Changednameagain999 · 19/03/2026 18:25

SD probably just asked on the off chance that it suits. Just tell her it doesn’t?

NowWhatUsernameShallIHave · 19/03/2026 18:21

Your husband ONLY gets 25 days a year - ummm that’s fairly normal.

Sometimessmiling · 19/03/2026 18:13

crazycatladyof6 · 18/03/2026 19:28

We absolutely love having her and see her regularly at weekends and also take her away a couple of times a year for a long weekend (Fri-mon) or a midweek break so of course already using annual leave for that. My husband only gets 25 holiday days a year and no bank hols other than Christmas

Edited

People rely far too much on grandparents
Tell her to take time off to look after her child who is her responsibility

Suedoh · 19/03/2026 16:42

crazycatladyof6 · 18/03/2026 19:23

If it was a weekend we’d happily have her, of course but it’s a working day. I always feel so blooming guilty

Show quote history

Shes got a nerve asking you. Let her take annual leave, let your husband tell her. DO not set a precedent !

Original poster
crazycatladyof6 · 19/03/2026 13:17

Dearover · 19/03/2026 10:28

while in general of course if someone has to use annual leave it should be the parent, is her job at risk, has she used a lot recently for her kids, is it the busy period… people with young kids are often in busier roles and need the career benefit of performing well than grandparents, I don’t know if any of this applies to you and your dil but it would factor into my view.

Back to the point I made yesterday. How patronising this comment is, making the assumptionthat the OP can't possibly have a proper job to do herself & can drop everything to look after a child. The step daughter works in care. We don't know what the OP does, but she does work FT in a "full on" role. Many of us have thriving professional careers in mid life which we love and work hard for.

Edited

Thank you. I did have to put my career on hold a bit when the kids were young (as many of us have to do) and I am now in a position where I’ve progressed. Work is good but very demanding and I’m also studying. We finally have a life now after putting life on hold raising our kids and we are enjoying being able to do what we want to after 28 years.

OP posts:
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