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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU not wanting to use annual leave for stepdaughter’s childcare cover?

285 replies

crazycatladyof6 · 18/03/2026 19:20

Hello everyone, I just want to know if I’m being unreasonable. There’s a part of me thinks I am so wanted to know what others think. My husband and I have a granddaughter who we absolutely adore. We both work full-time and my husband actually doesn’t get much annual leave at all. It’s a bit of a problem. My stepdaughter works part-time 24 hours a week and our granddaughter goes to nursery on the days when her mum is at work and her other Nan who is very local collects her until Mum is home. She also takes her to nursery school in the morning. Unfortunately, my stepdaughter‘s mum needs to have some treatment and my stepdaughter has asked if we will have our granddaughter so she can go to work. This will mean that we will have to take annual leave to be able to have our granddaughter. One of the days I actually can’t do anyway because I’m already on annual leave for something that’s been booked for about eight months and then the other day I’m at work as is my husband and I’ve actually run out of annual leave at present. it does reset in April so I could take an annual leave day and this is where I need to ask AIBU to not want to take an annual leave day so my stepdaughter can go to work when it’s also my working day?

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 21/03/2026 08:49

crazycatladyof6 · 21/03/2026 00:40

I have. I don’t think I’m popular now sadly.

Show quote history

Don’t feel bad

why is your time and holiday less important than her time and holiday

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/03/2026 08:48

crazycatladyof6 · 21/03/2026 02:55

No she doesn’t drive so we have to do all pick ups and drop offs

Show quote history

Well she needs to learn to drive then

Original poster
crazycatladyof6 · 21/03/2026 02:55

PhuckTrump · 21/03/2026 02:09

She doesn’t even drive DGD to you when you babysit?!?!

No she doesn’t drive so we have to do all pick ups and drop offs

OP posts:
PhuckTrump · 21/03/2026 02:09

She doesn’t even drive DGD to you when you babysit?!?!

Original poster
crazycatladyof6 · 21/03/2026 02:05

We would love to help more but although we don’t live far from them its far enough that’s it’s a time
problem. It’s a good half an hour each way to go and pick DG up and of course, another hour to drop her off and back again. So even if we picked up from nursery after work at 5:30-6 by the time we get her to ours it’s almost time to take her home so she can go to bed. Yes my DSD’s mum does do a lot of childcare and help but she lives in the same road so therefore it’s so much easier. She also works from home full time whereas I’m hybrid and DH works from home at times but also travels a fair amount and sometimes at very short notice

OP posts:
FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 21/03/2026 01:27

crazycatladyof6 · 21/03/2026 00:30

I have no idea how UC works. Will they top up
UC earnings are less for a period of
time?

Edited
Show quote history

Most of it at least, if not all. She already gets UC so if she earns less one month she'll get more UC.

Yardbrushes · 21/03/2026 00:55

Stay strong OP.
This is absolutely not for you to sort out.

Original poster
crazycatladyof6 · 21/03/2026 00:40

pinkyredrose · 20/03/2026 20:37

Have you told her no yet Op?

I have. I don’t think I’m popular now sadly.

OP posts:
Original poster
crazycatladyof6 · 21/03/2026 00:30

LouiseK93 · 19/03/2026 21:14

Yanbu. Ridiculous to ask this of you. She should use her own annual leave or arrange something with work. She probably hasnt even tried asking her employer if she can do lesser hours for a short period Universal Credit would cover wages lost anyway assuming she claims.

I have no idea how UC works. Will they top up
UC earnings are less for a period of
time?

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 20/03/2026 20:37

Have you told her no yet Op?

DurinsBane · 20/03/2026 15:58

Cafebara · 20/03/2026 07:26

When does SDs annual leave reset?

OP you can't solve this anyway, as you're already busy for one of the days. Does SD go with you for the long weekend breaks you take GC on? If not, she could swap shifts and work while you're away with her child.

A lot of companies which allow shift ships only allow them to be swapped in the same week, or maybe same month.

Original poster
crazycatladyof6 · 20/03/2026 15:46

Cafebara · 20/03/2026 07:26

When does SDs annual leave reset?

OP you can't solve this anyway, as you're already busy for one of the days. Does SD go with you for the long weekend breaks you take GC on? If not, she could swap shifts and work while you're away with her child.

She came on one last year but my DH and I took DGD on one without her and I took her on my own with my mum without her and DH

OP posts:
Original poster
crazycatladyof6 · 20/03/2026 15:45

dointhebestwecan · 20/03/2026 08:11

This is your DH issue to sort out. He needs to support his daughter. His ex-wife obviously does much more for their daughter than he does. If his first wife had remarried I’m sure the stepfather wouldn’t be tying themselves in knots wondering about taking time off to do childcare. It isn’t woman’s work - it’s parents work.

My DH is not DG parent. He is DG. Yes, it is the parents job to parent and to sort care for their ow children (as we did when ours were young) - not the DG

OP posts:
PullTheBricksDown · 20/03/2026 09:19

crazycatladyof6 · 18/03/2026 21:15

Ok it seems she can’t use annual
leave as she has used it all for her own holiday

She'll have to take a day off without pay then. Foolish of her to use all her own leave on holiday and just assume someone else would suck up the cost and bail her out.

dointhebestwecan · 20/03/2026 08:11

This is your DH issue to sort out. He needs to support his daughter. His ex-wife obviously does much more for their daughter than he does. If his first wife had remarried I’m sure the stepfather wouldn’t be tying themselves in knots wondering about taking time off to do childcare. It isn’t woman’s work - it’s parents work.

PuppyMonkey · 20/03/2026 07:42

It’s a tricky situation for her but the fact is you can’t help so she’ll have to sort the tricky situation out herself just like we all have to do from time to time.

Cafebara · 20/03/2026 07:26

When does SDs annual leave reset?

OP you can't solve this anyway, as you're already busy for one of the days. Does SD go with you for the long weekend breaks you take GC on? If not, she could swap shifts and work while you're away with her child.

ForNoisyCat · 20/03/2026 00:12

cyclonethenext · 20/03/2026 00:01

It's not due to childcare breakdown. CF SD knew that her unpaid babysitter had medical matters to attend to and just assumed her other unpaid babysitter would give up a hard earnd day off (again) to cover her. It's a planned medical thing that her unpaid babysitter has to attend, and she knew about it in advance but chose not to cover it.

I think it's time CF SD stopped asking such enormous favours, leaning on people who love you over and over when you don't have to just leads to resentment and support being withdrawn.

Show quote history

I agree. I edited my message after I’d recread the original post. SD needs to get a grip.

CruCru · 20/03/2026 00:08

The thing is, there is a good chance that the OP has a really responsible job and can’t take ad hoc days off to help out. I often think that we don’t value women’s labour enough.

I remember a friend at my last job being asked to move her working days for a meeting. When she said she couldn’t because she had no childcare, her boss said “Well, what about your mum?!?” and looked astounded when told that her mum (who was late fifties or early sixties) was a headmistress and certainly wasn’t available.

Some women in late middle age run government departments. They’re not just filling in time until the state pension kicks in.

cyclonethenext · 20/03/2026 00:01

ForNoisyCat · 19/03/2026 23:06

you don’t want to take a day of AL to be with grand-daughter? Equally SD could take AL or in some companies yiu can take emergency paid leave if it’s due to child care breakdown. If she has used her AL she can take unpaid leave to look after her DD. Poor baby, nobody wants to look after her!

Show quote history

It's not due to childcare breakdown. CF SD knew that her unpaid babysitter had medical matters to attend to and just assumed her other unpaid babysitter would give up a hard earnd day off (again) to cover her. It's a planned medical thing that her unpaid babysitter has to attend, and she knew about it in advance but chose not to cover it.

I think it's time CF SD stopped asking such enormous favours, leaning on people who love you over and over when you don't have to just leads to resentment and support being withdrawn.

ForNoisyCat · 19/03/2026 23:13

Sorry, just seen you’ve given up many days to babysit . Tell SD to put on her big girls pants and stand up to her parental responsibilities.

ForNoisyCat · 19/03/2026 23:06

crazycatladyof6 · 18/03/2026 19:20

Hello everyone, I just want to know if I’m being unreasonable. There’s a part of me thinks I am so wanted to know what others think. My husband and I have a granddaughter who we absolutely adore. We both work full-time and my husband actually doesn’t get much annual leave at all. It’s a bit of a problem. My stepdaughter works part-time 24 hours a week and our granddaughter goes to nursery on the days when her mum is at work and her other Nan who is very local collects her until Mum is home. She also takes her to nursery school in the morning. Unfortunately, my stepdaughter‘s mum needs to have some treatment and my stepdaughter has asked if we will have our granddaughter so she can go to work. This will mean that we will have to take annual leave to be able to have our granddaughter. One of the days I actually can’t do anyway because I’m already on annual leave for something that’s been booked for about eight months and then the other day I’m at work as is my husband and I’ve actually run out of annual leave at present. it does reset in April so I could take an annual leave day and this is where I need to ask AIBU to not want to take an annual leave day so my stepdaughter can go to work when it’s also my working day?

you don’t want to take a day of AL to be with grand-daughter? Equally SD could take AL or in some companies yiu can take emergency paid leave if it’s due to child care breakdown. If she has used her AL she can take unpaid leave to look after her DD. Poor baby, nobody wants to look after her!

noodlebugz · 19/03/2026 22:47

Thinking outside the box - is anyone able to swap a working day or are there any camps DGD can go to? Our local gymnastics camp (where the kids go to gymnastics anyway) will take children from 4 - I think that might be a half day but it helps. So there might be untapped options around?

LouiseK93 · 19/03/2026 21:14

Yanbu. Ridiculous to ask this of you. She should use her own annual leave or arrange something with work. She probably hasnt even tried asking her employer if she can do lesser hours for a short period Universal Credit would cover wages lost anyway assuming she claims.

cyclonethenext · 19/03/2026 21:04

Twilightstarbright · 19/03/2026 20:53

It doesn’t sound like either of you
have spare annual leave to use and unpaid leave would put you into financial difficulties.

Edited

And even if OP did, the parent of the child who needs minding has her own annual leave and can take it or organise a swap. It's on the CF SD to use her own annual leave, since one of her unpaid babysitters is not available on this occasion.

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