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AIBU?

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AIBU not wanting to use annual leave for stepdaughter’s childcare cover?

285 replies

crazycatladyof6 · 18/03/2026 19:20

Hello everyone, I just want to know if I’m being unreasonable. There’s a part of me thinks I am so wanted to know what others think. My husband and I have a granddaughter who we absolutely adore. We both work full-time and my husband actually doesn’t get much annual leave at all. It’s a bit of a problem. My stepdaughter works part-time 24 hours a week and our granddaughter goes to nursery on the days when her mum is at work and her other Nan who is very local collects her until Mum is home. She also takes her to nursery school in the morning. Unfortunately, my stepdaughter‘s mum needs to have some treatment and my stepdaughter has asked if we will have our granddaughter so she can go to work. This will mean that we will have to take annual leave to be able to have our granddaughter. One of the days I actually can’t do anyway because I’m already on annual leave for something that’s been booked for about eight months and then the other day I’m at work as is my husband and I’ve actually run out of annual leave at present. it does reset in April so I could take an annual leave day and this is where I need to ask AIBU to not want to take an annual leave day so my stepdaughter can go to work when it’s also my working day?

OP posts:
Flowerlovinglady · 18/03/2026 20:06

I think you are not being unreasonable at all. Whilst I would bend over backwards to help family members out, my personal experience is that if you facilitate all the time then that that just becomes background noise and people take it all for granted and even become a bit resentful when you try to get things back on track later. This is the mother's responsibility, you don't have any more AL this year and she is able to switch things up but that doesn't suit her - I get it, parenting is hard but you have nothing to feel bad about.

FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 18/03/2026 20:05

SapphireOpal · 18/03/2026 19:56

She's asked, she's not demanded. She's a lone parent whose mum is unwell. Cut her some slack FFS.

How do you think every other lone mother copes when they don't have anyone for free childcare? Your child is your responsibility.

DullJob · 18/03/2026 20:02

YANBU, SD will need to use her AL or her statutory parental leave.

Crazylittleworld · 18/03/2026 20:01

You’re not being unreasonable :)
As child’s mum she can also take dependency days which although not paid, they have to grant.

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/03/2026 20:01

So her mum is your dh ex/first wife

Purplecatshopaholic · 18/03/2026 20:01

Good grief, of course you aren’t being unreasonable. This is your step-daughter’s responsibility not yours. She needs to take leave, not ask others to.

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/03/2026 20:00

crazycatladyof6 · 18/03/2026 19:33

This isa good question! He works for an international company and they say they don’t recognise all holidays so although he gets Christmas he doesn’t get Easter or May or August bank holidays. I think it’s an absolute cop out

But legally has to have 28 days off

it may not be bank holidays

my friend is a nanny and has to work the odd bh if her bosses do as doctors in hospital

j741 · 18/03/2026 19:57

Sorry, just seen the nursery is closed over Easter.

Createausername1970 · 18/03/2026 19:57

crazycatladyof6 · 18/03/2026 19:36

She actually could take annual leave or swap - as she did at Christmas

On this basis you are not being unreasonable. And if you don't have leave left, there isn't much you can do.

j741 · 18/03/2026 19:56

Would it be an option for someone to take an hour or so of AL in the morning and someone to take a couple of hours later in the day if it’s just dropping off and collecting from nursery?

SapphireOpal · 18/03/2026 19:56

FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 18/03/2026 19:49

She needs to take AL or unpaid parental leave. Expecting someone else to do that is very entitled.

She's asked, she's not demanded. She's a lone parent whose mum is unwell. Cut her some slack FFS.

gamerchick · 18/03/2026 19:55

She needs to use her own annual leave.

YourJoyousDenimExpert · 18/03/2026 19:50

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. Leave is precious and using too much early in the leave year does not leave much for later. Agree your SD could take annual leave- or parental leave at a push. Sounds as though you already use a lot of your leave on time with your granddaughter. I can understand why SD asked - but if it doesn’t work for you, you need to be honest. Also - it could be that her Mum’s treatment takes longer than expected and then there will be more requests…..

FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 18/03/2026 19:49

crazycatladyof6 · 18/03/2026 19:41

I think it’s Easter holidays and nursery is closed ;(

She needs to take AL or unpaid parental leave. Expecting someone else to do that is very entitled.

chimein · 18/03/2026 19:48

BillieWiper · 18/03/2026 19:37

Yeah just allege you've no AL left.
Or you could just simply say 'no sorry, that doesn't suit me'. But the excuse of no holiday left is semi true. In that it's already earmarked for something else.

Only on mumsnet would it be acceptable to say to a loved one ‘no sorry that doesn’t suit me’.

I’d do it for my daughter/granddaughter. Sounds like her mum does a lot of the heavy lifting and it wouldn’t hurt to help out on this one occasion. We all want a ‘village’ but nobody is prepared to play their part.

That said, you are of course entitled to say no - just say you haven't got the AL.

Mcdhotchoc · 18/03/2026 19:48

Far more options for her, parental leave etc.

Dearover · 18/03/2026 19:48

Itsmetheflamingo · 18/03/2026 19:32

Because clearly, it’s written as though she’s asking for multiple days. One days Al is nothing as a one off. Why wouldn’t you help out?

Surely exactly the same applies to the child's actual parents? There is always an assumption that older workers can take time off willy nilly.

crazycatladyof6 · 18/03/2026 19:47

OriginalUsername2 · 18/03/2026 19:42

It makes more sense for her to take annual leave, not you. But maybe she’s trying to save them up for the school holidays? I don’t think you’ve said how old GD is.

Granddaughter is 4

OP posts:
Yardbrushes · 18/03/2026 19:45

Don't set a precedent.
She needs to use her own leave or swap.
Say yes once and it will happen again.

Ace56 · 18/03/2026 19:44

YANBU. She’ll need to take unpaid parental leave.

OriginalUsername2 · 18/03/2026 19:42

It makes more sense for her to take annual leave, not you. But maybe she’s trying to save them up for the school holidays? I don’t think you’ve said how old GD is.

crazycatladyof6 · 18/03/2026 19:42

PullTheBricksDown · 18/03/2026 19:41

I thought the husband should get bank holidays too, but checked and it's not so

From
https://www.gov.uk/holiday-entitlement-rights
Statutory paid holiday entitlement is limited to 28 days. For example, staff working 6 days a week are only entitled to 28 days’ paid holiday.Bank holidaysBank or public holidays do not have to be given as paid leave.An employer can choose to include bank holidays as part of a worker’s statutory annual leave.

I really wish he had better leave entitlement

OP posts:
crazycatladyof6 · 18/03/2026 19:41

Bushmillsbabe · 18/03/2026 19:37

If you can't do it then you can't. SD will have to take AL. Or can she ask nursery if they can accommodate an extra day/extra hours?
My parents were super helpful in looking after my girls on days they weren't working as part time. But I had to work around them rather than vice versa.

I think it’s Easter holidays and nursery is closed ;(

OP posts:
PullTheBricksDown · 18/03/2026 19:41

I thought the husband should get bank holidays too, but checked and it's not so

From
https://www.gov.uk/holiday-entitlement-rights
Statutory paid holiday entitlement is limited to 28 days. For example, staff working 6 days a week are only entitled to 28 days’ paid holiday.Bank holidaysBank or public holidays do not have to be given as paid leave.An employer can choose to include bank holidays as part of a worker’s statutory annual leave.

Holiday entitlement

Holiday entitlement or annual leave - information for employers and workers on entitlement, calculating leave, taking leave, accruing leave and disputes

https://www.gov.uk/holiday-entitlement-rights

crazycatladyof6 · 18/03/2026 19:40

wyntersky · 18/03/2026 19:39

Ah yes didn't think of it like that before I posted duh!

I forgot he also gets NYD

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