To be feeling low that husband doesn’t want a third

Reading this, im not surprised he doesn't want to add a new baby into the mix. If you haven't been able to cope for a full day on a Saturday on your own with two dc, why would you think adding in a newborn is a good idea.

Tbh his reasons seem very valid, and are pretty typical, practical reasons for not wanting more children. Definitely no more selfish than wanting more children just because.
I'm not really sure what I could say to make you feel better. It seems like you have a lovely life as it is. But I understand that it's not easy to accept that you can't have something you want. Maybe look behind the reasons why you want to expand your family.

Your feelings are totally valid and yanbu to feel them.

I was in a similar position for a long time, desperate for number 3; DP firmly done at 2 for many very sensible reasons. I was miserable, angry and frustrated. But gradually it did get better. I thought I would resent him forever, but actually I don’t. It was right to stop at 2. The lifestyle that we have now, that we have given our children, would not have been the same had we had another. Of course money comes into it; we didn’t have the space, an extra person makes holidays more expensive etc, but I think what really swung it for me was the time. I could argue away the (sensible) financial decisions, but while I was pining for a baby that didn’t exist I was missing what I had already in front of me. I’ve got two beautiful children, and adding in an extra one would spread me a little thinner. A little less time and attention for each, in a busy hectic household. Once I let go of the idea of number 3 I started really enjoying each age with the first two, not through the eyes of ‘this is my last time’, but just properly enjoying the moments. And yes, I have more freedom and time and flexibility as they get older. My career is back on track, my social life is better than ever before, my relationship feels like a proper partnership. Things are good.

What I’m saying (in a very ramble-y way - sorry); is that as upset and hurt and angry as I was before, it did turn out ok. Better than ok actually. It was the right decision for us. I’m not saying everyone will be the same, families come in all shapes and sizes; just that having a family that is not the exact size you imagined can still be perfect.

Sending hugs, the bit you’re in is hard, but there are good times ahead.

Husband is right.

I understand your desire for a third Op, I have three. However, both dh and I always agreed that we would have three children
Your dh doesn’t want a third child and as others have said his reasons are perfectly valid .
I think you need counselling to get used to the idea that you are unlikely to have a third child with your dh

You are perfectly entitled to want another baby for any or no reason. He is perfectly entitled to not want another for any or no reason. Neither is being selfish and Sadly the no overrides the yes. You need to decide if you can live with 2 or need to end the relationship to have another.

Is it because you want a girl or another baby in general? You’re not wrong to feel how you do, but if he doesn’t want another, then you need to move on from it. Maybe go to counselling on your own to accept this.

YANBU to want another baby, YANBU to feel sad, but YABU to call him selfish. His reasons are perfectly valid.

There's only one person being selfish here OP, and it's not him.

I think you are selfish op. He is completely and perfectly reasonable and he doesn’t need the counselling, you do.
your Family is over the worst bits and things will only get easier from here, why go backwards?
Finances are a big one too.
I would absolutely choose putting two in private schooling vs struggling or state school for 3.
He is absolutely right and I do think some counselling would help you come to the same conclusion

I think this is incredibly hard. Neither of you are wrong, you just want different things.
Ultimately one of you has to compromise.
Such a difficult situation.

YANBU to feel how you feel but equally your DH is being perfectly reasonable in the reasons he is giving for not wanting a 3rd. You don’t need counselling what is you hope that it will achieve - he will change his mind ? Unlikely and what is more likely he will come to resent your efforts to try and get your own way and you may well unintentionally blow apart your happy family unit. If one parent says they don’t want another baby you need to accept it. Other considerations are what happens if it’s twins ? The baby is seriously ill ( you know how traumatic that is ) the baby has permanent serious health conditions which mean all you time is devoted to child 3 and your 2 DC effectively get pushed to one side or even worse what would happen if you suffered life changing health problems as a result of the pregnancy and were unable to parent your DC as you wanted. Cherish what you have and move into the next phase of your life with your family as you move out of baby and toddler phase and can do more as a family.

If his reasons for not having a third (and they sound perfectly reasonable to me, tbh) are selfish, then how is your wish for a third not selfish? I can't really understand from your OP what it is that makes you want one so much? You haven't given a rationale, whereas his position seems clear and valid.

I may be reading this wrong, but it sounds as if you are hoping that counselling would be there to help him change his mind. Counselling or therapy of some sort might be a good option, certainly therapy often is irrespective of there being an immediate issue at hand. But using it to try and make someone else change their mind to match your thoughts isn’t.
Absolutely, it might be great for you on a personal basis to help you think about your feelings around another child/ thoughts on not having one. And couples therapy if you are struggling as a couple or this difference in what you want is driving a wedge. But never as a way of getting someone else to change their mind on something like this.
As others have said, his reasoning seems very valid. And absolutely nothing wrong - very healthy actually - in his wanting to get some life back beyond children. They are wonderful, but they consume us and it’s sometimes hard to remember who we are and who we were and who we want to be after they arrive.
My fear is that your desire to have another might be more to do with filling a void (especially as you seem to resent his desire to get back into hobbies). My MIL had lots of children. Put everything into them. Sacrificed a lot, including career, hobbies, university. Stared in her early twenties and had her last in her mid-forties. Everything about her is about being a mother. The last one left home a while back and all the children are now far from home and she is bereft. More so than you naturally would be. Struggling with depression and anxiety. Really because that’s all she had and now they’re gone she’s got nothing.

It’s sad knowing that that is it. But they’re young and you’ve got years of wonderful parenthood ahead. But your husband is right, it’s also rather exciting getting someone else of your life back away from just parenting.

YABVU.

I just feel like some of his reasons are selfish

No they aren't. They are perfectly valid.

Do you not think you are the one being selfish?

I’ve suggested we go to counselling over it.

Yes, counselling for you to accept your husband's decision.

Teenagers are expensive and stressful. Why would you want to put yourself through that three times? Even lovely teenagers are stressful - friendship issues, relationship issues, GCSEs, A levels, UCAS, financial support through university, driving lessons.

Do you work?

But you wanting another baby against his wishes is also selfish.
And I agree with others, if I’d had to completely give up something I loved and that contributed to my health and well being because my DH couldn’t manage both our children at once there’s no way I d be being persuaded that another one was a good idea!
His financial reasons are also extremely valid. Kids just get more and more expensive and everything is getting more and more expensive also.

His reasons aren’t any more selfish than you wanting to have another! I don’t think you’re ready for counselling as you only want to change his mind.

A child should be deeply wanted by BOTH parents so that’s why the one saying no, has to “win”.

His reasons are valid and sensible and thinking ahead - kids cost a LOT!

Be content with your two or you’ll drive yourself mad.

the only person in this scenario that is coming across selfish is you.

I think his reasons are perfectly valid and not selfish at all. I don't think he needs to go to counselling and maybe it's a bit selfish of you to push this as it's obviously just to try and change his mind. Maybe you would benefit from it yourself though. You have a lovely family, more than a lot of people. Be happy and grateful for that.

Neither of you is unreasonable but he isn’t being selfish either. His reasons are very valid and if he’s said no he’s said no.
Enjoy your two healthy children and maybe get some counselling just for you if it’s a big issue for you. He doesn’t need to attend his decision has been made on sound reasons

So you're not prepared to look after the 2 you already have on your own but want a third? Really, really unreasonable of you.

Be grateful for what you have, because you are already blessed

We have the same issue, kids are 7 and 3 and I can't really get over the desire for another but dh feels like he's too old now he's in his early 40's, we've got no family support and are just starting to get a bit of freedom back to pursue our own interests. Also school fees, uni, house deposits etc are much easier to find for 2 rather than 3.

Likewise I would never break up our family unit over it, logically I understand his reasoning but emotionally I'm very upset, and quite angry with him. The thing is, it's my issue, not his. Unless we both want another baby then we don't have one, so I need to figure out how to make my peace with it. I'm hoping we can foster in the future once our kids are a bit older. I just feel like we've got time, space and love to give so maybe I can find something constructive to do with those feelings.

Hugs though, I know how you feel.

I think you’re both not unreasonable.

Having a baby is ultimately a selfish decision and I think that not having a baby for selfish reasons is also equally valid.

There's nothing wrong with those reasons for not wanting a 3rd child.

You say it's 'selfish' but having children is also selfish.

We have them because we have our own reasons for wanting them.

And of course we also have our own reasons for not wanting them/wanting more of them.