To be feeling low that husband doesn’t want a third

Not when it comes to bringing another human into the world that only one half of the parenting unit wants it doesn’t.

@KimberleyClarkExactly. Somebody, has to sacrifice their need. It’s a crap situation. It appears this thread is predominantly in the favour of the dad and his need/want. Mum matters too.

All three of you could go down and watch him
play.

And vice versa, yes? Her need for another child shouldn’t override his need not to have another child.

Not read the thread but I was you, desperate for a third, DH said NO

yesh he was right - when they get to teenagers you will be glad of two I promise.

it’s a different world now, two is def better

He has good reasons . Would he be more amenable if he could play his sport on Saturdays?

I don't think he is being any more selfish than you. It boils down to what you want and what he wants. One set of wants is not more valid than another.

I think it's much easier to have two than three, for all sort of reasons. You have two healthy children - why do you need another one?

What about the husband possibly resenting being forced to change his mind on having another kid? Which would be horrible for everyone. Some people are just never happy. Who knows if three would even be enough. And if it's another boy how long before "I'm missing out on having a daughter?"

But both parent don’t want a third child. One of them really doesn’t .
So you are just shit stirring.
People can have as many children as they can properly care for. But ideally only if both parents choose it.

Been there. Hard decision to made by you both. I don’t think his NEED to stop at 2, should override your NEED for no 3.

It really is - have you been around here for many years? Even when both parents want kids, the consensus is 2 is the max. There’s a current thread going about it (and also many many many old ones)

It’s not “like” he’s prioritising…he IS prioritising and that is OK, because he doesn’t WANT another child! It’s that simple, he doesn’t want it!

Mn isn’t anti- three children, it simply thinks, rightly, that both parents need to want a child.

Not wanting a child should never be put down to being 'selfish'. Someone having a child when they don't want one for whatever reason would be really stupid and potentially harmful for the child and those around them. You need to accept the decision and move on. He has given you some really valid reasons for not wanting a child, even not wanting another just because they don't would be reason enough.

You say it like that’s a bad choice… it’s a very valid choice!

Hmm…I wouldn’t say it’s just prioritizing cricket over a child. If he’s anything like me he’s just longing to get some of himself back. And that can be a big deal for him. It can have been tiring 6 years of parenting by now, and he’s tired of putting everyone else’s needs first every day of the week. So I’d say it’s about more than the cricket itself. It can be discussed if it’s fair for the other parent to spend half of the weekend doing his own hobby, but that isn’t the topic of your post.

But he doesn't want another member of the family. Why would he want to continue to sacrifice a hobby for several more years for a baby he doesn't want?

Oh come on , how is he being selfish ? You sound selfish though .

YANBU to want three. I’d love three, but we had DC2 at 39 and DH now thinks we’re too old to have DC3. It makes me really sad and I think I’ll always regret not having the third, but I can’t force my DH and nor should I. I expect I’ll feel sad for a long time.

I understand how you feel. I am very lucky to have three children, but we had always planned for four. My husband now prefers to stick at three. I am truly grateful for my children, but can’t help but feel pangs for the fourth child I will never have.

Ultimately though, I understand that it is pretty essential for both parents want a child in order to go ahead and have one. So his “no” vote trumps my “yes”, no matter how brilliant anyone’s reasons are. The same should be the case for you, too, even though I know it must be hard to accept.

I think you can only do more if both of you agree. I don’t like the idea that you’ve suggested you go to counselling over it - basically you’re saying his wishes are invalid and talking it over with someone else will make him come round to it.

I also agree with his reasoning completely. . But you don’t have to feel hunkydory about it at all. If you want to do counselling I suggest you go alone. And you shouldn’t have children because it would be “healing” - your DH is right to look at the bigger picture.

Also you say you can’t cope with the 2 kids alone?? How can having a 3rd work??

All his reasons are completely valid. He doesn’t need counselling. It is far better for a parent to know their limits regarding number of children. Your reason is also selfish - you want another child.

I just feel like some of his reasons are selfish.

No, love. That’s not how it works. ANY reason that you don’t want a child is valid.