To be feeling low that husband doesn’t want a third

@Toastedteacake88 I can relate to the yearning. After horrendous pregnancies and births and the loss of a twin the sense of wanting a third was very strong for years. Having been told it could be life threatening to do so I had to accept it because of the two I already had.
The feeling does pass though, and you will appreciate grandchildren even more!

I wanted another, DH didn’t. I cried a lot. It put us under a lot of stress but in the end we got past it and I came to accept the situation.
YANBU to be upset at all but he has every right to say no. He doesn’t need a reason.

See i have the opposite problem, my DH would let me have 10 if i wanted them! But seriously sometimes life is better uncomplicated and there are downsides to a 3rd such as the 'third wheel'. 2 boys close in age is perfect. Do you have an emotional reason for wantng a 3rd? were you one of 3?

Well said.
We all want things we can't have, but real life means we just have to suck it up and accept it.

So the famed “biological urges” are the ultimate trump card over all other considerations, including the welfare of the existing children, the welfare of their father and the family finances?

Try turning this on its head for a second and see what happens if you insist that a man’s “biological urges” also have to take precedence over anything else. Doesnt sound so Mother Nature any more, does it? It sounds like anti scientific, selfish special pleading.

We are not animals: we are rational beings and while the desire for more children (when you already have several) is understandable, it absolutely does not mean this is the primary consideration. When “biological urges” is the strongest argument for destabilising a family you are basically saying the law of the jungle is in charge.

Absolute madness…

You're saying he should be compelled to create and raise another human being for no other reason than because OP is experiencing a strong biological urge? What nonsense.

Why would it be ‘madly selfish’ to prioritise his preferences over a child who doesn’t exist?

Speechless!

I don't think you need counselling together, he sounds like he has accepted his decision and there is no issue for him over this.

One thing that I do wonder is you seem annoyed about him resuming cricket which takes up the whole day. Is there an element of thinking if you had a baby then he wouldn't be able to do that and would have to stay home more? As if so that is not a good idea and more likely to push him away.
If this is where some of your frustrations lie, then you need to talk to him about his hobby taking over a whole day of the weekend and having less family time. You mention having your own busy business and own hobbies, but are these equal to the time he is out?

I'm with you OP. He is madly selfish - I know that's not the popular opinion on Mumsnet. But imagine he was saying let's not having sex again - everyone would say that is unreasonable and to ltb. Having children is just as strong a biological urge so why does he get the final say on having a baby? And for something like finances when you're already stable and it's the difference between private school or not - not putting bread on the table.

I wasn’t nasty. I didn’t insult her. I didn’t abuse her. I didn’t defame her. I was honest with her. That’s more valuable than performative niceness. She might thank me in 5 years for my honesty. She won’t thank me for being an echo chamber.

tbh I don’t know why her therapist didn’t pick up on this but thats between them.

Eh? Did you read my post?

I adore DS and I’ve loved being his parent. It still never occurred to me to have another.

But a baby is not therapy

You want to have a baby to heal
your trauma?? Nope

It's just nature. Sometimes I feel like I love my kids so so much, having one more just multiplies that and I want more of it! Heart vs head.

I love DD so much, but I can't identify with this at all. I'm definitely a head over heart type.

@Toastedteacake88 There's some seriously nasty responses to you on here.... I dont get why people join a forum like this just to dig the knife in or make you feel bad for asking such a natural question, maybe their lives are lacking something. @confusedbydating @ginasevern ?

Anyway, completely natural to be wanting a third, I think a lot of us women always yearn for one more. I'll never feel quite done and swing between being happy with my family as it is, and thinking I desperately want one more.

It's just nature. Sometimes I feel like I love my kids so so much, having one more just multiplies that and I want more of it! Heart vs head.

Only (half) joking, but have you tried suggesting your DH can resume cricket IF he goes for a third?

We had one based on his reasoning. Awful place for you both to be in and hope you find a way to resolve it. (I can’t think of how) but there must be a way forward. One was hard on us even though I would love for her to have stayed little!!!

Because both parents don't want them

I've said this before, but I do find the attitude around having multiple children a bit odd (although I appreciate the oddness may be all mine).

In every other context I can think of, if you already have several of something - cars, houses, helpings of dessert, even - you're seen as being a bit greedy for wanting even more. I don't understand why it's so different with children, especially with the environmental impact of producing more humans.

As someone that has 3 children Yabu!