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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset at being sworn at by a man at the gym

321 replies

HuffandPuffandPuff · 18/03/2026 12:19

So I’m a long time member of one of those chain 24 hour gyms.

Never had any issues or seen any before apart from the standard men asking people how many sets they have left on machines. Often big groups of men but never really intimidating. Standard gym culture but I’ve never felt unsafe. It’s a friendly vibe.

This morning I was using a machine. I was doing 4 sets of 5 as I’d increased the weight. Was on my phone between sets. I’d done one set and I usually do about 30 seconds rest. I was checking my phone as I’ve been messaging tradespeople for a house job. A man comes up and says “how many do you have left?” I said 3. He then says “no how many facebooks do you have left?” I looked at him puzzled and took my headphones out and said “sorry?” And he said “you’re just on Facebook. How long are you going to be?” in quote an angry way. He then said “can I just use the machine?” I said no. He then said along the lines of “you’re just on your fucking phone just fuck off” at which point I got up and said “don’t speak to me that way” and he told me to fuck off home. He was twice my size and his tone was quite aggressive and he was in my personal space.

I was so shocked, I ran into the staff office and began to cry. His friend followed me in and said “come out you can use a different machine. I’ve spoken to him.” I said no I’m waiting in here to speak to staff as that wasn’t acceptable and he tried to persuade me to come out. Some staff finally came in and took a statement. They said it was unacceptable but just said they’ll speak to him and then log it. They walked me out and the man was with a group of his friends in the machine I’d been on.

I still feel really shaken up. I’m scared to go back to the gym now because a. What if he’s mad that I reported it and b. I’ll now be known as the woman who ran into the office crying.

I also can’t help but think he wouldn’t have spoken to me like that if I was a man or a young attractive woman.

OP posts:
FlyingCatGirl · 20/03/2026 08:19

Mythoughts1 · 20/03/2026 08:11

Thats horrible behaviour from him. Now you feel unsafe there and thats not fair.

She isn't unsafe! She was called out rightfully for sitting on the internet and blocking a machine! A man has the same right to call that behaviour out as a woman!

FlyingCatGirl · 20/03/2026 08:16

racierach · 20/03/2026 07:06

You’re supposed to rest 2 minutes between each set. Using a phone is perfectly acceptable and normal.
I use mine for my music and writing down my weights on an app. I also checkout fb.
hes a dick and should be removed from the gym

I think you are making excuses because you have the same annoying habit! I've seen too many women sit down on the rowing machine and ten minutes later they are still messing with phones and haven't even started! In a busy gym especially if there's only one piece of a certain bit of equipment, you get your reps done and you get off so someone else can use it! You don't sit surfing on your phone between reis because you just take ages.

Mythoughts1 · 20/03/2026 08:11

Thats horrible behaviour from him. Now you feel unsafe there and thats not fair.

FlyingCatGirl · 20/03/2026 08:11

Greenwitchart · 18/03/2026 12:29

Sorry this happened to you.

This is one of the reasons I stopped using gyms. Too many aggressive men. I also had to report a man to staff once for not respecting my personal space and for getting angry after I told him to back off.

Had many issues in swimming pools too.

Frankly I am starting to think we need women only gyms and women only pool sessions to become more common because there are always guys like this who can't behave correctly.

I would push for the gym to ban him from the premises.

There are women only gyms but I used to go to a gym that one hip adductor/ abductor machine and it used to be a nightmare to get on whilst people sat on the internet blocking it! It made me angry because I often couldn't incorporate it in to my workout.

racierach · 20/03/2026 07:06

You’re supposed to rest 2 minutes between each set. Using a phone is perfectly acceptable and normal.
I use mine for my music and writing down my weights on an app. I also checkout fb.
hes a dick and should be removed from the gym

PersephonePomegranate · 20/03/2026 07:00

He was rude and you were right to report it.

Shaken up, though? Come on now, OP.

CatamaranViper · 20/03/2026 06:57

MrsJeanLuc · 19/03/2026 22:58

Open a message, read it, and respond to it? More than 30 secs.

Regardless, that doesn't excuse this man's rude and bullying behaviour.

She doesn't say anything about responding to the messages (unless I've missed it?).
She just said she was checking her phone.

OneGreySeal · 20/03/2026 01:43

Op I’m with you. Men have gotten way too brazen these days. Disgusting and disproportionate reaction from him.

This is why female only gyms are needed.

Wiltshiremum1986 · 19/03/2026 23:24

You need to grow a backbone, tell him (or anyone else like him) to politely 'fuck off', and continue to do your workout. But, between sets, keep your phone use to a minimum, it IS frustrating to wait for a machine only to see the current user sat on their phone.

Bufftailed · 19/03/2026 22:59

What an idiot well done for reporting it. Get back in the gym with your head up!

MrsJeanLuc · 19/03/2026 22:58

CatamaranViper · 19/03/2026 22:49

How long does it take you to open a message and read it? I doubt they were texting her novels

Open a message, read it, and respond to it? More than 30 secs.

Regardless, that doesn't excuse this man's rude and bullying behaviour.

MeandT · 19/03/2026 22:54

MrsJeanLuc · 19/03/2026 22:24

No she wasn't. You can't check your messages in 30 seconds. This behaviour in gyms frustrates the hell out of me - people doing 5 (FIVE???) reps, taking 15 seconds or so and then 2 mins scrolling on their phone. And flatly refusing to let me use the machine for 30 secs in their rest period. Very rude.

Five reps is a legit number - particularly for women of a certain age.

YABNU to be upset at his language OP.

But I still voted YABU because I do agree with MrsJeanLuc that it drives me nuts if people will sit on a machine for their rest between sets and then NOT be prepared to swap in sets with someone else while they're resting. Why should a machine be 'used up' for 5-7 minutes?

We should all be resting between sets, so unless you're talking about changing weights on a barbell, it should always be possible for 2 people to swap sets & just shift the pin between turns....

Drives me bonkers having to wait 8 minutes watching someone else scroll when I could be 5 sets done during their rest gaps!

CatamaranViper · 19/03/2026 22:49

MrsJeanLuc · 19/03/2026 22:24

No she wasn't. You can't check your messages in 30 seconds. This behaviour in gyms frustrates the hell out of me - people doing 5 (FIVE???) reps, taking 15 seconds or so and then 2 mins scrolling on their phone. And flatly refusing to let me use the machine for 30 secs in their rest period. Very rude.

How long does it take you to open a message and read it? I doubt they were texting her novels

MrsJeanLuc · 19/03/2026 22:24

NewZebra · 18/03/2026 12:43

Selfish? She was literally having half a minutes rest between sets. Get a grip.

No she wasn't. You can't check your messages in 30 seconds. This behaviour in gyms frustrates the hell out of me - people doing 5 (FIVE???) reps, taking 15 seconds or so and then 2 mins scrolling on their phone. And flatly refusing to let me use the machine for 30 secs in their rest period. Very rude.

Ace56 · 19/03/2026 21:59

Weeklyreport · 19/03/2026 19:13

You've clearly never done any weight training in your life. My trainer's had me resting for between 30sec and 3 mins depending on the training I was doing. A few seconds rest would be a very inefficient way to work out.

Funny how this man didn't approach anyone using the other 3 identical machines. Its almost as if this was never about using a machine...

Edited

If you’re hogging the machine by sitting there and scrolling your phone for 3 minutes, then sorry but that’s not acceptable. You can let someone else use the machine then while you rest. 30 seconds fair enough.

The man probably didn’t approach anyone on the other machines because they weren’t sitting there for ages scrolling on their phones…

gokusgirl · 19/03/2026 21:53

i pay the same amount to use the gym as everyone else, if I want to look at my phone for 2 mins in between sets, I will. If someone wants to work in while I’m resting that’s also fine. But it’s no one else’s business! I have no problem with someone asking how long I’ll be either. I go to a uni gym though, maybe people are just nicer and more relaxed. Never been an issue.

angela1952 · 19/03/2026 21:44

blackpooolrock · 18/03/2026 12:44

He was rude

It is very frustrating when people sit on their phone when using machines. Phones need to be banned from gyms, too many people play with them instead of getting on with the task in hand.

I agree, there are quite a few women in our gym who sit for ages on their phones, not just resting. I use E-Gym equipment which times rests between sets, often the machines will log these women out because they've been "resting" for so long.

JustaCrabcake · 19/03/2026 21:18

Sorry this happened to you. As others have said, it's common to use your phone between sets as long as it's just briefly between sets.

You won't be able to view the CCTV though. People cannot just request to watch CCTV.

LifesabagofRevels · 19/03/2026 21:05

He’s rude and was out of order.
But having been a gym member since 1999 and seen ALL the behaviour, the majority of people pricking around on phones are scrolling and not recording workouts, despite the protestations here.

August1980 · 19/03/2026 20:50

beefthief · 18/03/2026 12:26

He overreacted massively to your selfish behaviour

This

fetchacloth · 19/03/2026 20:22

That's disgraceful OP and you did the right thing by reporting it.
No one has the right to speak to anyone like that, regardless of gender and especially in a public space. The bastard bully, I hope he gets a bollocking for that from the staff.

Ladymeade · 19/03/2026 20:21

rwalker · 18/03/2026 12:23

Both incidents should be logged
his behaviour

sat on your phone on machines is as rude as fuck it happens all the time in my gym
with the best will in the world your 30seconds can be a lot longer

luckily 24hr gyms have cctv so they will be able to check both

People on their phones inbetween sets boil my piss. He was rude but tbh, I feel like this most of the time as it is such a constant problem..

SpidersAreShitheads · 19/03/2026 20:10

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 19/03/2026 19:55

Part - or all - of the 'misunderstanding' could also be down to you not reading the OP's posts, where she said there were other machines of the same type free. You just decided to project all your past issues with gym users onto her.

Nope.

I'm not actually talking about OP and I didn't say I was.

The thread of the conversation I was replying to was about PP who think it's outrageous that they shouldn't scroll on social media while they're waiting for their rest period to pass. And then others who think there's no reasonable reason for people to get irritated by gym users who sit on their phones.

I was explaining the very specific circumstances when it's irritating and why it's irritating.

At no point did I say that's what OP did.

FrivolousKitchenRollUse · 19/03/2026 19:58

HuffandPuffandPuff · 19/03/2026 18:54

Thanks to all the people who have confirmed it was shitty behaviour.

To the people who think it’s acceptable to swear and get aggressively angry with someone because you’re inconvenienced then I hope you’re never on the receiving end of it and I really hope that’s not how you expect people to behave in life. I’ll certainly continue to be mindful of my phone use in the gym. I might even take the advice of many of you and just complain to anyone I see on their phone whilst using equipment, although I better prepare for some really long sessions if I do that because it’ll take a while!!

I’m making a formal complaint to the gym and will be requesting to see CCTV to see if the other machines were free and if not, who they were occupied by. I am also curious to see him and his friends’ behaviour afterwards.

I’ll be asking for the thread to be closed now as it’s obvious the trolls and the redpillers are lurking. Stay safe everyone and happy working out!

YANBU of course but highly unlikely you'll get to see the CCTV.

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 19/03/2026 19:55

SpidersAreShitheads · 19/03/2026 19:15

That's not really true. I've explained it at least a couple of times myself, as have others.

The issue is that lots of people end up getting carried away on social media etc. That means that their rest breaks take much longer which isn't fair when there's other people waiting to use the equipment.

If you can say, hand on heart, that you have a strictly timed rest and that you're not taking a lot longer because you're sat there scrolling on social media while others are waiting to use the equipment, then that's fine.

Equally, using your phone for functions associated with the workout is completely fine. That could be tracking your workout, changing the music, etc.

The actual issue - to make it patently clear - is that people take the piss and don't think about other gym users. If the gym is quiet, then do what you want. But when people are waiting for machines it's really unfair to take up EXTRA time because you want to look through social media. If your rest phase takes three minutes, and you use those three minutes to send a text that it really doesn't matter. But if your rest phase should take three minutes and it ends up taking 7, 8, 9, 10 minutes or longer because you've lost track of time scrolling or chatting on messager, then you're being a selfish git.

I think part of the misunderstanding here is that there are gym users who take their workouts seriously and know exactly how long their rest phase should be. And then there are others who treat going to the gym as a social outing (which is fine) - but linger on machines and use them more of a seat than a piece of workout equipment. They're not really timing how long their rest periods are, nor do they really care that much, and that's what ends up causing the general frustration.

Part - or all - of the 'misunderstanding' could also be down to you not reading the OP's posts, where she said there were other machines of the same type free. You just decided to project all your past issues with gym users onto her.

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