AIBU to not rent a house to our relative?

good outcome OP

Your rentals are business. Your business brain is saying NO! Do not rent to her! Learn from my mistake. Do not mix business with family, especially if that family are in the "all landlords are evil" category.

Because of my stupid soft heart, a six month "family rate" agreement turned into a very expensive, three year, stress filled ordeal and a falling out amongst those who took sides.

No! It's the family link that is going to be the problem, and it's his family.

HE has to be the one who says no. It won't matter that you tell them it's his decision. They'll still blame you.

It doesn't matter that you're the person who runs the rental business. He has to step up and give the bad news. He's opting out. It doesn't matter that he's away at the moment. He can still make a WhatsApp call to the family member, or send an email.

I wouldn’t rent to her under any circumstances. She’s a CF to ask for it rent free and if you do let her in chances are she will abuse your generosity to her own advantage. Say no and rent it to a larger family when the refurbishment is completed.

It’s a bit different, since we were working abroad while renting our house out via an agency. Other expats who were renting theirs to family or friends, said we were mad to be paying 15% or whatever it was, to the agency.

But almost without exception, they had a huge amount of trouble/hassle with them - not paying the rent/trashing the place/refusing to move out (even with loads of notice) when the owners were returning and needed their house back.

One friend who’d left a BiL to manage their house, came back to find it was about to be repossessed - the BiL hadn’t been paying the mortgage, had used the rent to install his mistress in another property!!

So no, OP, I’d run a mile from renting to family or friends.

I would tell her no no fucking chance whatsoever. If she asks why I'd say remember all the absolutely vile things that you said to us over the years and the judgy nasty that you've said and now you expect us to put you up for free or reduced rate? hell no .This property is part of our income. Anybody else in the family has got something to say about it tell them to mind their own business.
just because her husband cheated on her doesn't mean to say that you have to provide you with a free house.

Any sort of business and friend/ family just don’t mix.

This. Regardless of her situation and actually regardless of how nasty/nice she is - mixing business and family is inherently risky.

Are all other family members gifting her at least £800 a month ( am sure you rent for more than that) or is it just you who is expected to give nearly a £1k sum monthly. And fix any damage caused and keep property updated?

Never mix business and relatives.

Stick to your guns OP, you are not a charity. She has already displayed her true colours in glorious technicolour by being so nasty about you. Dont let the family bamboozle you either

Exactly. Separate the rental business from the family business. Then your husband and the other involved family members consider how they can help her through this rough patch and the children from then on. You want to remain free from entanglement but can be supportive of husband in recognising his sense of family solidarity and concern for the children.

I would say no, and I would explain why. Shes dissed you all these years and now expects help, nope doesn’t work like that

added to which with all these new rules she will be difficult to get out if something goes wrong

she can pay market rate elsewhere

you reap what you sow

Been there, done that. Just don’t! We offered to help a relative as I’ve always felt that you should always try to back family. It was an unmitigated disaster and any semblance of a relationship destroyed. The fallout from saying no now won’t be half as bad as the fallout from having to get them evicted eventually (after they’ve decided you’re capitalist scum for helping them out). Genuinely ‘no’ is the only answer here!

Perfect response!

I have had very similar issues and it’s awful feeling like everyone’s against you even though you’re trying your best at life. I wouldn’t reward their bullying by helping them.

You already know she’s argumentative and is looking for cheaper/free rent. I wouldn’t trust her to actually pay and not cause any problems and if she does then you’re gonna have even more family drama issues.

This is so easy Op. your dh is on board. I would so very gladly say NO and also point out to her that she has been very horrible about your properties yet wants to use it now. Nasty people should never be rewarded with a hand up in life. Don’t let the family bully you. You will never ever get her out once she’s in.

Under these circumstances, no way in hell. Normally I would be more sympathetic. It insane that she has a good salary and they expect her to not pay any rent.

She will be a nightmare tenant. It's ok to not mix business with family.

I’d be saying something like

“this was a difficult decision as over the years you’ve repeatedly been nasty about us having rental properties and have always sought to try and make an argument out of it. It’s rather ironic therefore that you’ve now turned to us for help.

However as you are family and we don’t want the children to suffer, we are willing to rent the property to you at a 10% discount on market rate, with proper contracts in place.”

That way you’re doing the decent thing but have made your point about her behaviour .

Yup. It's almost like she thinks OP might want to redeem herself from this status of being a greedy landlord (according to her, very openly) by giving her a free flipping house?!

Just shrug off any drama they try and create. It really is that easy. Let them get on with whatever whining they want to do, you don’t have to engage or even pay any attention to it whatsoever.

As uncomfortable as you may find it, embrace the discomfort and get through it. It will be far less uncomfortable in the long run to do so. If you show them that emotional manipulation and kicking up a fuss works to get them what they want, they’ll have you over the proverbial barrel, and keep you there.

Expect her to send in the family flying monkeys to pressurise you to change your mind - tell them you have already communicated with her directly, won’t be changing your mind or explaining further and don’t appreciate this approach

Also expect there to be some sort of emergency / crisis where she needs accommodation urgently…..don’t be fooled, manipulated or triggered

Wise words right there, @Ballah

OP's made the right decision, but someone who's already chosen to be this unpleasant is unlikely to appreciate being told no and it's best to be prepared

Edited to add that personally i'd also tell her exactly why she's not getting the place, @Lurker85 However, having saved herself a lot of grief already, OP may well feel there's no point creating more.

Just say unfortunately you don’t have a property available at the moment . End of .

Absolutely no!
You'll never get rid of her!