To think this was unfair, and to take time off for mental health.

Well work hard and revise for the interview and you should be fine. Blaming work for everything won’t help you, someone else performed better and got the job on the day, accept your part in that and move on.

I don't understand why you need time off? Yes it's unfortunate, and I'm so sorry for your loss, but is time off for mental health actually a thing? If your workplace offers this, then yes you should apply for time off to deal with your mental health.

Maybe I am too stoic as I've always worked through hardship with the bare minimum time off, to arrange and attend the funeral etc, eg in the case of my mother.

I don’t think AIBU is the right place for this post at the moment op. People will be nasty under the guise of ‘saying it how it is’ and show no empathy for the struggles you’ve been going through.

You didn’t get the job, you weren’t entitled to get the job but you are allowed to feel shit about it especially after what you’ve been through. But you won’t find much compassion here.

At least you will now be able then to coast a bit - no point in working more than your best if the STAR thingy is all that matters in the end.

If the successful candidate isnt the right fit for the job, then they will soon find that out. Sit back a bit and watch 👀

Sorry this happened to you OP. I'm also a designer in a massive digital gov department and if you had come back off maternity here, they would've done everything to try and accommodate your desired working pattern. I've seen multiple women come back from maternity and go part-time and none of them have had to take a demotion. So I feel bad for you on that count.

We all know the recruitment process is a nightmare. Your experience, performance, achievements and ability generally count for nothing if you don't nail your answers and score better than every other candidate. I got a promotion to a G7 role last year on the second attempt. The first time round, there were six positions available, they interviewed 10 people, and I didn't get a role - they all went to external candidates. I was totally mortified. Bad enough if there had only been one position available but six? I felt really humiliated. Then it was another 2.5 years before the opportunity came round again due to a recruitment freeze. Doesn't help that the higher up you go, the fewer roles there are.

In the meantime I did so much work on getting my 'examples' knocked into shape, got a mentor, practised saying them out loud, interrogated them against the SFIA framework etc. I also asked for (and received) example questions for my grade and role which was SO helpful. (Two of them ended up being asked in the actual interview). All you can do it wait for another opportunity, or look further afield or outside the civil service if you feel really fed up. It sucks, but it's the stupid bloody system, as you know.

That is disappointing and I understand your frustration. CS recruitment is very strict though which you’ll remember from being on the other side.

they haven’t done anything wrong in terms of discrimination. Timing of the interviews is what it is and they aren’t going to plan it around one candidates plans. If you knew the invites were being sent on the Friday you presumably had the option to log on and check and then had evenings to prepare- the same as all candidates.

taking time off for mental health now will likely reflect poorly on you- whether that’s right or not. It will look like you’re throwing the toys out of the pram because you didn’t get the job, circumstances outside of work won’t matter to how it appears professionally and realistically the only way to
progress after that would be to move department.

it is possible to have kids and sustain a career, there’s sacrifice whether that be going part time and limiting your options or staying full time and balancing family life. Depending on your grade and the workload part time is not always reasonable (as a G7 I know I collect manage part time hours and others that do end up working on NWDs anyway).

The only thing Relevant here is whether you do actually need time off sick due to depression or not, not getting job etc does not matter for the purposes of your initial question
If you do take it

Or I should say, if you do take time off with stress, don’t do it because of the interview and rejection, because that’s a run of
the mill occurrence.

The other things you have going on do sound stressful (most of them do or have applied to me at some stage) but they might then think “well it’s a good job we didn’t give her the promotion, she obviously wasn’t in the right place for it”

They won’t think “oh gosh that serves us right, we really should have given her that promotion” if you do go off. They’ll probably just bring someone up to your current grade on EOI to cover (if it’s for any length of time).

My experience is that having “was off with stress” on your record doesn’t look great (from having seen as an outside observer how this affects people going forward) unless there’s an obvious and immediate reason, such as if you’d taken the time just after losing your Mum. Taking it after an interview rejection doesn’t look good. It makes you look lacking in resilience, to be blunt.

Edit - but should say if you’ve been diagnosed with depression then that’s clearly a good reason to be off. Although sounds again like a bad time to have started a new role if you did get it.

Appreciate the disappointment but, really, it is time we stopped taking time off/‘mental health days’ just because we’ve had a rejection.

I don't think OP is saying she's doing this regularly and asking whether she should continue.

She's asking if it's ok to start taking some sick leave because she has symptoms of depression following an intense year of challenges - often when things start to settle down a little it's where the exhaustion really kicks in.

The problem with civil service interviews (from your pov) is that they have to go very strictly by the examples given in interview. They can’t import knowledge of having “seen you do the job”- they have to go very strictly by what you say in the room.

If someone else gave better scoring examples then they will have got the job, come what may.

I know how unfair it can feel because I, at one stage, on several occasions “passed the board” for promotion but didn’t get it, got put on a waiting list that expired and then had to apply again. I did get the job in the end!

I think going off with stress would be an over reaction. The job wasn’t yours by right, there’s been a full and fair interview process (presumably, not knowing anything over and above what you said) and someone else got the job. Your position remains unchanged.

The interview offers going out on the Friday was unfortunate, but nothing stopped you checking civil service jobs that day. Any day could be someone’s NWD, or could be a day of AL for someone etc

The only thing that maybe could be considered unfair was whether you could have done your original job part time or as a job share etc - if they didn’t give sufficient consideration to that. But there’s nothing to suggest that in your post.

I think my advice would be to try to keep the two issues fairly separate except that of course each impacts how you feel about the other.

You are understandably upset about the job and you do sound like maybe you were close to being appointed (reappointed) to it. I’m sure you would have been excellent. But it’s best for your own well being to take the ‘you win some you loose some’ attitude.

You have also been holding up the earth as a single parent suffering life’s blows and remaining afloat. It’s perfectly reasonable to feel exhausted and not your best at the moment.

Taking some time out for mental health reasons to sleep and be kind to yourself(?) does not sound like your style so I am unsure if it will help you but it’s not unreasonable. If you do this I would avoid it being linked to the job application as much as possible for your own future benefit.

It’s ok to not be ok as they say. You will bounce back and there will be other opportunities in time … maybe at a better time.

It isn't only STAR structure that matters. What is more important is content and match with CS behaviours for the grade in question. Every job and will have 2-4 behaviours listed and those are what will be tested at interview. You won't pass if you give an excellent Delivering at Pace answer to a Managing a Quality Service question. The interviewers should flag which behaviour is being asked.
Strengths are different and aren't STAR.
As soon as you knew you'd passed the sift, or even better, after application went in, you could have started tailoring best examples for the behaviours.
All that said, the system is screwed and many times best candidates are missed because they haven't played by the rules.

Don't blame you for being fucked off with the whole situation but you need to adjust your attitude. You should have known better not to prepare to do the whole charade. I haven't even worked for 27 years but even I know about the STAR nonsense of the CS.

Don't go off sick. Work on improving your interview skills for next time if that's what you want to achieve. Nobody has discriminated you and while it feels unfair; it actually isn't.

@Dawnchorus1

I am sorry for the loss of your Mum and all the other hard things you are going through.

I agree with the PP that I don’t think you are thinking clearly.

There is nothing “humiliating” about getting a decline on a job application - it’s not a personal attack on you or your work history. It’s just a business decision.

I agree with a PP who said that you should maybe take some annual leave to rest and do some self care.

I very much think you should continue to prioritise your therapy and work through all your stressors with their support, see about treatment for the depression and just really focus on building up a healthier inner narrative for yourself so you can have more balanced views about your work, and life in general.

I am sorry things have been so hard for you.

Nothing you have described about the process sounds unfair. I’m sorry you didn’t do yourself justice in the interview, but that isn’t their fault.

Your demotion was 5 years ago. You have had plenty of time to change your role and your attitude to it. No one will even think about where you were 5 years ago so it’s not embarrassing in your work environment. Sometimes we have to get on with the present rather than endlessly regretting or being angry about the past. It’s good you’re in therapy - seek that help. But you have to move on from what happened 5 years ago.

Ime civil service applications/interviews are very much about ticking boxes. It doesn’t matter what previous experience or skills you have- it is a very robotic process.

I wouldn’t take anything from it about their opinion of you or ability to do the role.

Look.

The CS interview method is pants. It is designed to be rigidly and demonstrably fair.
That is not the same as getting the best candidate into position.

I have been on CS panels for appointments and also for awarding £m contracts.

They are designed to stop people suing because they.didnt get awarded the job/contract.

They are also vulnerable to "adjustment" to get the "right" outcome at times.

But those interviews are an art form in themselves, bearing little resemblance to the skills necessary to get the actual job done. That's partly why the CS has some truly awful managers who just keep.climbing the ranks despite incompetence.

As an anecdote, which may make you feel better... at one point i was a contractor to the CS on a £750 day rate (£150k equivalent). Having been there for 2 years they needed to make the role a permanent one (at £64k). So, out of curiosity, I interviewed for that role.

I didn't get it.

But stop feeling sorry for yourself and blaming others or the situation. The fact you didn't get it doesn't change who you are or your competencies.

That said YABU if your response is to take time off.

Agree with this. So sorry for the loss of your mum and to hear you're having a tough time.

You have to take this on the chin as I had to. I was told I was second out of 8 candidates. I was by far the most experienced and the interview went well. But my less experienced colleague evidently took a smarter approach. The role was explicitly advertised as not focusing on research, but my colleague managed to slide in what he’d achieved in research whereas the rest of us didn’t.
He left after a year and I got the post then.

A similar thing happened to my DH. In his case the successful candidate was evidently incompetent in the role and was quickly moved sideways. Then the role went to someone else. The person in charge of the process was clearly not going to admit his mistake and appoint DH.

If you take time off now you will confirm the view that you’re not up to it. You need to carry on and start looking elsewhere.

OP, I’m really impressed that despite feeling so down, and with so much on your mind, you’ve taken on the comments on this thread and with posters you’ve got this straight: in this setting with this type of recruitment process, it’s all about giving the right kind of answers to the questions and you focused on the presentation and forgot to think through the rest of the interview as carefully as you needed to.

I suggest you try not to be negative about others who did/do the job that you left when you returned from mat leave. (And try to think about it as you deciding you didn’t want to do the full time job any more, not them rejecting you.). It doesn’t help you to feel critical of your successors and you might think it doesn’t leak out in your communication but it’s unlikely that it is invisible to others.

You sound like you’ve had enough of working there and you don’t love working under someone else in the job you used to do. Fair enough. As others have said, is it time to think of looking around outside or in another department within the civil service? You are clearly talented and have bags of experience that others will be interested in. You know already that you can do a fab presentation - think how that would impress people in the outside world. Other employers may use a similar approach to interviewing but many will not, and many who do will be more relaxed and less rigid in how they do it.

If you think they should judge you on what they already know of you and not just how you perform in the interview, does that apply to the negatives as well as positives? Because if I knew someone had taken "sick leave" when not actually sick, just pissed off they didn't get what they wanted, they wouldn't even be getting an interview with me ever again. Unless you want to wreck your chances of ever advancing in this organisation, don't do that, and don't ever let the words "mental health" pass your lips. For your own sake, too. You won't make yourself feel any better about it all by just sitting at home with nothing to do but brood on all of this; you'll get used to avoiding things rather than facing them, and it'll just seem harder again when you're back. Straight back on the horse. Build your resilience. There will be other promotions. Good luck.

It's not a mental health issue. You're just pissed off.

OP, to answer your first question - of course it's not "unfair" that your employers used a scoring system you yourself have been involved in using on previous occasions.

If you genuinely are suffering with your mental health and cannot perform your role properlyas a result (and not simply sulking), then yes, you should get signed off sick. But the disappointment over not being appointed hasn't caused your ill-health, has it?

I’m not in the civil service but this sounds like excellent advice to me, OP.