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AIBU?

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Original poster

Lying and making up excuses

37 replies

Emmmreallt · 18/03/2026 00:03

Am lc with partner family as too much drama , partner told his family I am not coming to his adult daughter birthday party as I have to look after my stepmother on that day as she is currently ill . Am Aibu to think he should leave my family out of it and should make up either another excuse or tell the real version?

OP posts:
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Eightdayz · 18/03/2026 15:29

Pull up your big girl pants and tell them

DaisyChain505 · 18/03/2026 14:01

Emmmreallt · 18/03/2026 12:55

I don’t like them as they have made my life hell so I am now going nc.

Well then you need to be honest. If you’re going to stick to this you can’t just have a different excuse everytime there’s a family event.

Youve put your partner in a very awkward position and you need to go forward with the truth by saying that you’re choosing to no longer attend family events to protect your own mental health and well being.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 18/03/2026 13:37

Emmmreallt · 18/03/2026 12:55

I don’t like them as they have made my life hell so I am now going nc.

Tell them that then?

HannahMarin · 18/03/2026 13:29

Don't see the issue in what he said.

Its your issue that you don't want them knowing anything because you are no / low contact.

Yellowteeth · 18/03/2026 13:26

Emmmreallt · 18/03/2026 12:55

I don’t like them as they have made my life hell so I am now going nc.

He might as well be honest with them then rather than make up a new excuse or lie each time

Original poster
Emmmreallt · 18/03/2026 12:55

I don’t like them as they have made my life hell so I am now going nc.

OP posts:
DaisyChain505 · 18/03/2026 12:52

You’re putting him in an awkward position by making him lie to his family.

If you don’t want to go but also don’t want to be honest and say it’s because you don’t like them you can’t really get high and mighty about what fib is used to excuse your presence.

Original poster
Emmmreallt · 18/03/2026 12:49

I don’t want the fact she has cancer brought into it . She is ok at moment .

OP posts:
BringBackCatsEyes · 18/03/2026 11:50

ToKittyornottoKitty · 18/03/2026 11:13

Saying she already had plans would also be a lie. And the person is ill. The lies aren’t that different.

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Ah I see. I didn’t realise the person was actually ill.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 18/03/2026 11:13

BringBackCatsEyes · 18/03/2026 10:39

OP’s post makes sense to me. She doesn’t want her partner to make up that someone is ill and use this lie as the reason OP “can’t” go to the party.
I agree, no need for elaborate lies, just say she already had plans for that day.

Show quote history

Saying she already had plans would also be a lie. And the person is ill. The lies aren’t that different.

CinnamonBuns67 · 18/03/2026 11:10

I'd definitely tell him to leave other people out of it, I'd say for him to tell them the truth but in reality that'll just put him in the firing line and that's clearly what he's avoiding. I'd just tell him, tell them what he likes but don't involve your family or friends in his lies to them.

FlapperFlamingo · 18/03/2026 11:08

I don't see why you wouldn't give the real reason, "I'm sorry I can't come buy I'm looking after my step-mum who isn't well" seems entirely reasonable. Unless you step-mum isn't actually ill and that's the excuse. Do you not like them?

dadtoateen · 18/03/2026 11:01

2 options really, YOU tell then why you are not going instead of making your partner do your dirty work, or let him say whatever he feels best to keep the peace between everyone. Less drama is good :)

BringBackCatsEyes · 18/03/2026 10:39

ToKittyornottoKitty · 18/03/2026 00:07

I’ve read it, it doesn’t make sense. What do you want him to tell them?

OP’s post makes sense to me. She doesn’t want her partner to make up that someone is ill and use this lie as the reason OP “can’t” go to the party.
I agree, no need for elaborate lies, just say she already had plans for that day.

PizzaPowder · 18/03/2026 10:29

Why lie? What's the point?

Milkwomen · 18/03/2026 10:00

Either make your own excuses for why you're not attending the party, or, if you delegate this to your partner, accept that he will use his own judgement about what to say.

Hoppinggreen · 18/03/2026 09:58

Actually OP I agree, I wouldn't like this in your shoes either and suggests your Partner doesn't haave the balls to stand up to his family where you are concerned
I am LC with DH family and if I am asked direct to go to something and I don't want to I just say No Thank You and if DH replies on my behalf I make him aware that if he lies about why I am not there and anyone asks me I will tell the truth

sharkstale · 18/03/2026 09:49

Emmmreallt · 18/03/2026 00:21

Maybe just say I’m busy as opposed to drag someone who is sick into it ?

I agree, I don't like using family members like that. I'd just say I'm busy

Swiftie1878 · 18/03/2026 08:54

Emmmreallt · 18/03/2026 00:21

Maybe just say I’m busy as opposed to drag someone who is sick into it ?

I think it’s his problem to address how he sees fit. Stop micro-managing him.

4wardlooking · 18/03/2026 08:53

@Emmmreallt tbh I’m wondering how he puts up with you.

4wardlooking · 18/03/2026 08:52

@Emmmreallt let him say what’s easiest for him, he has to deal with them. Why cause a rift where’s there’s no coming back from?

Shutuptrevor · 18/03/2026 07:51

If you are low contact due to “too much drama” why would you want him to say something which would provoke more drama?

twentyeightfishinthepond · 18/03/2026 07:49

It doesn’t matter why you aren’t going. Stop making a drama.

TittyGajillions · 18/03/2026 03:57

Ah the irony of too much drama!

Meadowfinch · 18/03/2026 02:44

Why is he telling them anything? Why haven't you called your dss to apologise but say you have a prior commitment?