Should I ask my DS and his girlfriend for money

Why does she need legal advice to suggest what they pay? There are four of them. Not three

You are three adults sharing a house.
You all have benefit income.
So to my mind, you should share the household costs equally, each paying a third. And each pay for your own food if that’s what works for you.

It’s worrying that you say that the gf seems to be taking over the house.
Please don’t let them take advantage OP. It’s currently your house and you must let them know that you have the last word on decisions until you are sharing the costs equally.
Decide what you want to happen and hold firm on that. Get legal advice if necessary.
Good for you for trying to get back into a good work ethic. That’s a good example to set to your son. Wishing you all the best your interview.

With respect. She could have asked her son for money ages ago and clearly didn't. And what is the other son paying? This isn't just on the GF moving in. Her son has been living there rent free clearly until now

They should pay their way with food and other household expenses. And most definitely buy the cat food and litter.

They should also do their share of housework and chores.

Looks to me as though you looked like a soft touch.

Show them that you aren't.You deserve respect.

They need to pay their way. They are not children.

You're talking to the wrong person. I have three cats. I'm poor - my cats are sick sometimes. I clean it up. They do sharpen their claws on things they should not some times - but I can live with that. Lots of people in work have cats, dogs, rabbits. It just seems to be poor people who are told they should not have pets

My oldest boy has just turned 20 and I have had him since he was 18 months. He was abused in his last home and I would starve before I gave him up.

I haven't said at any point that the OP should pay vet bills

I currently have three cats. Never had any big vet bills. The only bills I have had is when they've died. I lost my last cat in March last year. She was 19.

If people want they can tell OP to throw the cats and the son and the gf out - but the hill I will die on is that poor people should not have to give cats up because they are poor

The OPs son and his gf have said they'll pay her rent - but that isn't good enough for some of the posters on here

Mylimepoet

They ‘offered’ to pay ….. a marked reluctance otherwise they would be contributing and the cheek of bringing two animals….. and who is going to pay for any damage they cause… being sick or sharpening claws on the furniture or carpet, and vet’s bills ? As I mentioned OP and DS taken for mugs

My dd pays rent/keep, she’s 22 and is on PIP, she works 2 days a week. I am a single parent (2 dc, both with disabilities). I don’t like taking money from her but I can’t afford to feed her and house her without her paying.

They haven't. Both have said they'll contribute

Rather “have the peace” can also mean being exploited. If they become nasty at asking to contribute that says it all. Your son is in no position to offer another person free board and accommodation!

Is there a rolling of the eyes emoji?

Excellent OP well done

They have offered to pay rent. Both of them

It would be unreasonable for them to not offer to at least contribute towards bills.

No you don't. You don't take every penny off a disabled son just because someone on mumsnet says so

I wouldn't dream of letting someone stay in my home without charging rent and I'm not sure that would ever compensate for the loss of privacy.

The OPs son has disabilities - she said this in previous posts

See if you have nothing good to say. Why don't you say nothing. I suffer from anxiety and it has nothing to do with whether I want to be employed or not. The OP has been attacked enough on this thread

I didn't say that - did I? I have had jobs where I had to disclose if I had MH issues

Some posts on here just stun me.

“Both have anxiety“ mmmm ….at the thought of having to get a job?
Both you and DS are being taken for mugs.

Not working at 22 I'd take every penny off them until they went to work, you're encouraging idleness if they live of you.

Sit down with this pair and work out a budget for rent and a timescale for them leaving. Don’t look after the cats. Her cats, her problem. Wouldn’t be having this, sorry.

They legally cannot decline to employ you, and you do not have to disclose it at all if you don't want/need to.

OP, I think the question is almost rhetorical, as you state that you "need" the money. It's also worth noting that this isn't your only child, so whatever your approach, it needs to be seen to be as "fair" as you can make it. It wouldn't appear "fair" to another sibling, if this one got a free ride, and even more so if their girlfriend got a free ride, at your expense as well. It certainly wouldn't be fair if they were still living at home, paying rent themselves, and subsidising their sibling. So, yes, I think you should be charging "rent" on all counts.
The question of "how much" is a personal decision. You can randomly pluck a figure out of the air. You can split all bills evenly between the adults living in the property. Or you can calculate how much more your bills are because they are there, and thats how much they need to pay (ie if you were there alone, you would get a 20% reduction in council tax, you would be paying the standing charges for gas and electric etc).
Good luck. Its hard being a parent.