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Original poster

Should I ask my DS and his girlfriend for money

733 replies

DiaryofWimpy · 17/03/2026 19:43

My DS2 has moved his girlfriend in with her 2 cats.

Obviously it’s another person using the washing machine,,TV, gas and electricity they are both 22 and don’t work but get benefits.

Do you think I’m being unreasonable asking them for money?

OP posts:
Tourmalines · 17/03/2026 22:50

They are using you and treating you like a mug . They need to be paying for their own food and they need to be paying for their fair share of the utilities. They need to be doing housework. Don’t be taken for a ride and don’t let them sponge off you. They are paid benefits for living expenses and they should be giving some to you. They sound like a pair of cf.

patooties · 17/03/2026 22:50

How much extra does ‘watching the tv cost as a 10 than as a one?’

LindorDoubleChoc · 17/03/2026 22:47

sittingonabeach · 17/03/2026 22:38

Does anyone claim benefits?

There are only 3 sentences in the op.

sittingonabeach · 17/03/2026 22:38

Does anyone claim benefits?

daffydreams · 17/03/2026 22:35

what do young people who dont work do all day?

JehovasFitness · 17/03/2026 22:34

I’d be giving them notice and booting them both. Not good for adults to think they can get comfortable living for free.

GladAllOver · 17/03/2026 22:12

You are a mug. Letting two adults stay with you free of charge. If you don't tell them to go now they will be living off you for ever.

RaininSummer · 17/03/2026 21:48

Crazy. Tell then they need to pay you 400 a month to live in your house which is very cheap for two of them and pets.

Pickledonion1999 · 17/03/2026 21:48

Previous poster made a good point about whether they are claiming UC as a couple ? You should check this out as you don't want any benefit fraud going on under your roof.

Silverbirchleaf · 17/03/2026 21:41

FolioQuarto · 17/03/2026 20:02

"Right, so you've been here a month now Emma, and we need to talk about money and your plans for getting into the real world of working."

I would make sure the discussion ends with some firm action plans and agreements, write them out bold and clear and pin them up where everyone sees them daily. Perhaps instigate a weekly semi-formal check in too.

Don't be taken for a mug, they cannot simply opt out of adult life.

Good advice. Be proactive!

Silverbirchleaf · 17/03/2026 21:40

Yes , you charge them rent. They’re 22! Even £150 each a month is better than nothing. You shouldn’t be expected to Clothe and feed them. Guess they’re not doing any household chores either. Cocklodger red flag.

FullOfFresias · 17/03/2026 21:35

My ds and his gf lived with me after uni whilst they were saving to buy their own place. I couldn’t afford not to charge them both. I worked out my total bills (incl food) and divided it by the number of people of people in the house and they paid their share. It was cheaper for them than renting and enabled them to save. They also cooked twice a week and did their equal share of cleaning.

Definitely charge them both something and ensure they both contribute to the household in practical ways too.

4wardlooking · 17/03/2026 21:33

@DiaryofWimpy their benefits are for living costs. So yes, they should cover their costs by each giving you a weekly amount. Otherwise they are freeloaders.

OP, if you think about it, even if they pay you, it’s still free for them as it’s the tax-payer giving it to them to give to you. It should be no skin-off their nose really!

NewGoldFox · 17/03/2026 20:52

Are you working whilst they are at home?
Are you paying a mortgage, private rent, housing association or own the home?

Wherearemymarbles · 17/03/2026 20:46

Send the pair of usless free loaders to the front line in Ukraine. Then they’ll know what anxiety really is.

Lemonfrost · 17/03/2026 20:35

FolioQuarto · 17/03/2026 20:02

"Right, so you've been here a month now Emma, and we need to talk about money and your plans for getting into the real world of working."

I would make sure the discussion ends with some firm action plans and agreements, write them out bold and clear and pin them up where everyone sees them daily. Perhaps instigate a weekly semi-formal check in too.

Don't be taken for a mug, they cannot simply opt out of adult life.

This is absolutely perfect!

Pineapplewaves · 17/03/2026 20:32

As a minimum they need to pay 1/3 of the bills each (if it’s just the three of you), pay for their own food and the girlfriend needs to pay for all her cat expenses herself - benefits or not.

If neither of them work and you do they need to take on the majority of the housework. Anxiety might stop them from working outside the home but it doesn’t stop them from washing the dishes and hoovering etc.

canisquaeso · 17/03/2026 20:32

I’d be having anxiety myself for allowing two deadbeats to hang about the house.

They’re absolutely taking you for a ride, OP.

TheBlueKoala · 17/03/2026 20:31

Tell them you got anxiety as well. We all do. Work can actually help because it makes you have a regular acitivity and selfesteem of providing for yourself. My DS16 asd has horrible anxiety- he's on Sertraline for his OCD due to anxiety and life is tough for him. He still needs to get up every morning and go to his vocational special school. Sometimes he says he's got a tummyache- anxiety ofcourse- and I tell him to go and call me if it gets worse. It never does. Too many young people who have anxiety and think that doing nothing will fix things- it won't.

catipuss · 17/03/2026 20:28

Why do they not work? I hope they help a lot around the house?

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 17/03/2026 20:26

They need to be paying towards bills and also buying and making their own food.

thecomedyofterrors · 17/03/2026 20:26

This is nuts. On so many levels. How embarrassing for them not to work! You need to give them some self-esteem and charge them rent. They’ll have some notion they’re alive and taking space
up in the world. Two cats 🤦🏽‍♀️ Why did you agree to this before setting down ground rules?!

DameOfThrones · 17/03/2026 20:25

Miskast · 17/03/2026 20:21

OP said "She basically just arrived and is taking over the whole house"

I think days ago sounds right.

Show quote history

Ahh yes, true 👍

Even more bonkers then.

Miskast · 17/03/2026 20:21

DameOfThrones · 17/03/2026 20:06

Have I missed a post that said she moved in days ago?

Show quote history

OP said "She basically just arrived and is taking over the whole house"

I think days ago sounds right.

Pollqueen · 17/03/2026 20:10

They have anxiety so can't work? You're a fucking mug mate 🙄

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