Should I ask my DS and his girlfriend for money

Have you jobs to do in the house cp like gardening etc?
I hope you aren’t cooking for them. I’d leave them to do all their own food. £30 a week is a joke.

Ok , does that money include all their food? What about the cat food? You also need to set up a roster with who does what every week . Who cooks and does dishes , who cleans the toilet , etc . I personally don’t think it’s healthy for you . You need to really see how it will play up on your mind and health and take it from there .

It's time both of them got jobs and stop relying on you and the state to support them. I wouldn't facilitate this way of life.

Their initial response was typical of benefit scroungers. I’m not saying everyone on benefits are scroungers but there are certainly some. They expect EVERYTHING for free (on top of their free money) and assume those that work can afford everything so why should they have to pay.

You are changing their attitude to this so well done. Do not let them off this duty at any stage, as it may just be the kick-up the arse that they need to becoming contributors to society rather than a drain on it.

Well done OP.
You know that next is to ensure they are doing their fair share around the house, contributing to chores and cooking etc. and if they are up to it finding an activity out of the house, like volunteering somewhere, a food bank, community garden, charity shop... will do them a lot of good.

OK, well done for getting this far.

It's really important that they understand these are absolutely minimal contributions. They don't buy them food, laundry, a housekeeper and they are still living rent free out of your kindness. If either of them give you an ounce of pushback that you should be doing xyz for them because they contribute a little towards some of the bills, or if they are wasteful with the heating or hot water etc "because we pay for it", you need to put them firmly in their place.

And as PP said, benefit fraud is a bit of a worry if they are now living together and you don't want that under your roof.

Also I know it's tricky but it would be a really good idea to put down some boundaries round the cooking, the stuff and the use of the living room. It's your house, if you want the living room to yourself for a couple of hours each day to keep you sane that would be a completely reasonable house rule to make, unapologetically.

They should definitely pay rent. I would also give them a time limit on when they need to get jobs by as well. They can’t just loaf about forever. No job, they have to move out.

Honestly @DiaryofWimpy you sound like a push over.

You son is never going to want more in his life or push himself to be better when he knows he can walk all over you and live for peanuts at your house whilst claiming benefits.

Lay down rules. Tell them they’ll be paying a certain amount each month, doing certain chores and you want proof that they both actively looking to better their lives by getting out, exercising, looking for jobs etc.

That’s a very short term issue sorted -

your bigger most important role is to hold your son to account for not tackling his anxiety / anxious avoidance / fecklessness??

you are enabling him to waste his young life -
you are colluding with this being OK -

volunteer job
engaging with access to work
litter picking in community
doing the garden

what is he actually doing ??

what do you do ? Do you work ?
is this generational ????

They’re never going to get jobs if you’re housing them and feeding them for free.

Well done for holding your ground.
Make sure you don't backtrack.
Put a set time limit to review the situation. Eg 'im quite happy now but I'd like to review it in September and work out what your long term plans are.'

Er no of course not! Did he even bother asking you if she could move in?? Cheeky so and sos - I hope their doing their fair share of housework

I agree with household chores.

Also, can you set up a direct debit to ensure you get the money? It will cause a source of tension you having to ask every week.

@DiaryofWimpy YANBU at all to expect them to contribute financially, but honestly you are being an enabling doormat.
'Apparently' too anxious to work. 22, living with mum and grudgingly paying a pittance towards costs from their unearned benefits. Getting jobs might give them something more purposeful to think about than their 'mental health'. The sooner this gets clamped down on the better.
I resent every penny of my hard earned taxes that goes to support this ever increasing population.

Even if your son and his girlfriend aren't working, they are claiming benefits. Therefore, they have money, and both should be handing a portion of this to you.

There are people who genuinely have anxiety and struggle to work but equally there are some who use it as an excuse not to work, when they are perfectly capable.

If they're not working, then they do the vast majority of the chores in the home. If that's too much, then they need to present themselves as homeless to the local council. Sitting around in their arse isn't an option.

On a side note regarding the cats. Does the girlfriend have insurance for them, if they became unwell? Is she paying for their food? Have the cats been flea/worm treated before coming to you? Are they regularly? Not using some useless supermarket brand, but proper effective treatment from a vet? You don't want fleas in your home!! Are the cats microchipped (this is a legal requirement)?

I hope they are also pulling their weight with cooking and cleaning, and she is also covering the cats' expenses.

You've been very generous but don't be taken for a mug. They are adults and need not just to pay their share but also do their share. They don't get to just loaf about while you break your back for them.

It will also be good for them to have structure to their day and something constructive to do. I would expect that they would spend their time outside of job seeking to be making themselves useful at home.

Why are they paying different amounts? , I would charge them both the same. and I'm sorry, I know he's your son but there's no way they should be able to claim benefits for anxiety. This country is a joke.
Anyway, it's good you've had the conversation and sounds like your happy.

Have you always tip toed around your son like this?

No normal person would just move someone and their two pets into someone’s house without asking or discussing it.

It sounds like he knows he can get away with doing F all in life because he’s never challenged on his behaviour.

Good result.

Yes both should be paying their way. They are adults now and the best thing you can do for then is treat them like adults and make them responsible for their lives.

Oh op, this has disaster written all over it. If she's there she should be paying rent and bills but tbh she shouldn't be there. This doesn't sound healthy for any of you.

And this is why the country’s welfare bill is sky high…. People have absolutely zero work ethic or incentive to support themselves.

Peace? 🤣 I can't imagine the op is getting much of that right now . And what about if she then went and moved her whole family in , is she meant to just keep quiet?

You need to put your foot down OP and start as you mean to go on otherwise it will be harder to ask for money down the line. They need to find their own place ideally.