Should I ask my DS and his girlfriend for money

Do you have any idea how serious anxiety can be? It can cause panic attacks, self harm, agrophobia, eating disorders, insomnia, feeling detached from your own body etc. Although the OP has not said how bad it is.

I note tbat the OP says she has bi-polar so her DS may well have this or a related condition, such as ADHD, which tends to involve pretty bad anxiety.

Although of course working is also very good for mental health conditions, but only if you are well enough to work. Getting a job is very difficult for young people at the moment, and all the harder for anyone who has health problems.

Yeah it’s weird when people use that argument considering in many cases they raised their kids on benefits, and those kids often go on to do the same which is what we are seeing with the OP situation.

What does an average day look like in your house? Had your DS ever worked?

Ugh. Well. at least I know where my huge tax bill is going - to a couple who take the mick.

You do know that work is GOOD for young people's health, mental & physical. But I guess he's better off staying home & gaming ...

So much for the story wheeled out to women without DC - Parents who say "Well, my DC will support you in old age." Obviously not.

Yep it won’t be a surprise if a kid is popped out soon @SimplyBedeviled

I’d be more surprised if that did NOT happen tbh but hopefully the cats will distract them for a while.

You sure? To have moved home for the G/F is quite an upheaval for someone who's crippled with anxiety enough to work.

And yes, you need to ask for money, regardless of being on benefits. You're teaching them that it's an easy ride otherwise and that just makes feelings of entitlement stronger. Everyone has to pay their way, that's being an adult.

....what do you all do all day?

Sounds fucking miserable for everyone.

“It’s no life”. Many people with chronic illness and mental health issues who manage to work part time if not work full time - and are funding people like you, your son and his gf would say the same.

I really don’t think you can be too down on your son. You have role modelled a certain life to him and he’s just following suit.

This happens a lot.

That’s why I asked about if you were working or not. I grew up in Glasgow and there’s generations of families not working.

You normally do not get benefit money for rent if you are living with a parent (or your BF’s parent). The only way you could, is if you have a formal tenancy agreement at the going rate and even then, it will be very carefully scrutinised and you still might not get any rent money if the DWP thinks you only have the formal contract to get money out of them.

Good grief.
Maybe getting jobs would be good for the mental health of all 3 of you. It can’t be good for you all lolling about with no purpose.
Apologies if this sounds hard but people with all manner of disabilities both mental and physical work. Myself included.

Anxiety. The get out clause for everything these days. Funny how two of them have the same problem. I wouldn’t tolerate sitting around jobless from my own child let alone moving another problem in. What is their plan? To live off benefits forever? I’m sure they will add in a string of kids soon enough. Get the pair of them out op.
they really need to sort themselves out.

Many people with bipolar and GAD work. I have mental health issues and worked for most of my life.

Just as I thought this is learned behaviour. I saw my mother working despite being a single mum from an immigrant background battle prejudice and her own mental health issues, so it was never an option in my head to be on benefits as an ongoing thing.

This is the young man you’ve raised in a certain way and you’re seeing the outcome of that now. And so the cycle continues…

@DiaryofWimpy

Don’t make your bipolar diagnosis make you afraid to stand up for yourself.

Also, I hope that you made it clear that your spending habits are absolutely none of their business. You can get a mobile phone if you want to.

Their sense of entitlement has made me so angry for you.

I am glad to hear they are going
to contribute now - the very least they should be doing - and I hope you also discussed boundaries; you mentioned in a PP that she is taking over the house? Was that covered in your chat ? Did you ask why she said 1 cat was coming then brought 2?

Basically, I hope your chat was comprehensive ie the money/bills aspect is of course very important but respect for your home and for you are equally important too.

Edited as saw you dont work. Point
is the same - they cant judge your spending habits when they are not paying their own way.

I would couch it in terms of - ‘are you both receiving the maximum benefits you are entitled to? If I officially started charging you rent, would you both be able to claim the housing portion of benefits - if so it would really help me out as my bills are much higher with 3 people living in the house, rather than one.’

Do you work OP?

You can see why OP’s son behaves like this. Sorry but you’re very passive and just seem to be letting things happen.

No way could I have just moved anyone into my mums house at 22 without it being properly discussed. And I couldn’t have just sat in the house for years not working anxiety or not.

Were there other adults in the house before you moved in? Have you lost council tax discount etc?

What are they doing to help their anxiety? Any causes/factors for their anxiety?

All this benefit money changing hands informally -
you need to get a benefit review so it’s legit

I’d officially start charging them rent. Their UC/benefits package will have a rent/housing portion to cover this. And if it doesn’t, they need to claim that too.