Should I ask my DS and his girlfriend for money

She's just moved in - with respect. Your TV licence bill won't go up because they are there - and neither will the WiFi bill. The biggest costs will probably be gas and electricity - water if its on a meter.

Are they on any medication for their anxiety OP?

There will probably be 2 children in the next few years as well as cats and guess who will be the built in babysitter.

I do, still have the self harm scars to prove it oh and yeah I really enjoyed the panic attacks I had whilst walking to work because being unemployed was not an option.

Many people struggle with a whole bunch of things and still grit their teeth and get on with it. A member of my family has bi-polar disorder and managed to mostly be in work.

You're saying that your son apparently has anxiety? You don't know?

Why are you so passive? This is your home. Why was there no discussion about a new lodger and pets arriving?

Yes they should pay something each month

As someone that does know how serious it can be (suffered all of the things bar self harm), I agree that anxiety is not an excuse to go through life without working.

I was determined to over come it and did. Had less than 40% attendance at school between ages 15-18 and could barely leave the house. I went to therapy, created a plan, took baby steps and got my life back on track because I REFUSED to not have any qualifications and not be able to provide for myself.

It can be debilitating- but through therapy, medication and/or lifestyle changes - it can be overcome.

I now do a very high pressure job and cope.

Until there is a way that can tell the genuine and the chancers, do have to keep paying for all. I don't think it's fair that someone who is genuinely sick and in need suffers because chancers have learned how to play the system. Many people would suffer badly if all benefits were stopped.

If they are unable to work, what about

Education
Volunteering
Part time work
Doing chores round the house
Paid pet sitting

Are they proposing to not work and live off you for the rest of their lives?

Yes, they need to get out and find work, wash windows, clean gardens, bloody right they need to be paying their way.

Why did you allow her to move in?. They need to get jobs and move out. I don't k ow why people on here allow their children hold them ransome.

Agree, this country is run badly but also people do need to work. It helps pay for the aging population of which you say is a problem for a start. While the country has huge problems, it shouldn't be 'ether or'.

There are families who live on benefits and people on benefits that could work. Next door neighbour have a 4 year old, neither parents work, both of them going out, getting drunk, friends over, going on hols, no anxiety or health issues I can see, even granted you cannot always tell. But their house is paid for, they get money to spend.

My own brother has lived on benefits for 30+ years, no interest in working. He's a recovered drug addict from his youth but he is actually capable to work. He said over 20 years ago that he couldn't get a job that earned as much as benefits gave him as his flat was paid for etc so he saw no point in going to work. Benefits should be for those who genuinely need them and this is exactly what should be in place to protect our vulnerable, they are a safety net but there are people who abuse the system.

Agreed - but the thread is not about the morality of the system. It’s about a woman with bipolar who is lumbered with two cuckoos.

Tbh she needs to evict them but her Bipolar and anxiety means that this is unlikely, isn’t it?

How come the anxiety does not interfere in her sh... Around / dating life?

Is this a joke. I mean all workers just love the early starts and long commutes! The laziness is astounding. About time benefits were stopped.

I think it's sad. 22 years old and life of benefits already mapped out, for the g/f too. Has your son ever worked? Is he getting help for his anxiety, other than medication? Has the g/f ever worked?

You say that the g/f left an abusive relationship to move in with your son, so you've let her move in even though their relationship is new? That's really not healthy for either of them and tbh, I don't think you should've done this. She needed to get out for sure, but she needed to recover and find her feet.

As you admit that living on benefits is hard and you're not enjoying life, can you try your best to help your son get out of this same situation and live better? May be the best gift to him ever.

They have no shame.

It’s really not

whilst I agree they need to work (not including op as I have no idea how bipolar impacts) or at least work towards working (training , volunteering etc) the country has far bigger problems than the benefits bill. Aging population, environment, and tax avoidance to name a few

I find it really shitty at how people begrudge the benefits system where even if a small percentage of them could do better none of them are living the high life. But the same people have little thought for the ongoing destruction of the planet and the massive companies that avoid putting into to our country. Be angry about the big problems not the little ones.

They have anxiety about work. It entails getting up early, brushing your teeth, commuting, and doing things away from home. It doesn't suit everyone.

Anxiety? How is it being managed, are either of them doing anything about it?

I also can't believe that you've just allowed this to happen.

OP if you are single you lose your 25% do it council tax deduction?

So they claim rent money to pay the OP who’s also on benefits .This is why this country’s fucked .

What do you all do all day??

Make sure they are both using birth control..