Should I ask my DS and his girlfriend for money

So there are three of you on benefits claiming you cannot work? Really? You dont think you have shown your son and he has shown his girlfriend that work really doesnt pay. The cheek of them to claim they dont have to pay because you have a new mobile.

I think all of your family need to take a hard look at what is happening here.

I'll also say this - if the son is on lwcra he's probably getting extra benefits for other conditions as well as anxiety. It's not easy to get - and the fact that the OP "thinks" he has anxiety is pretty astonishing in my view.

If you don't want someone in your home - you tell them. If you want a contribution towards bills - you tell them.

The way people view others with mental health issues is astonishing in my view

Anxiety =feckless and they should be out litter picking or doing the garden

Try having it.

What happened to anxiety sufferers in previous generations?

Yes, because it's not working for you perhaps has clouded your thoughts as to if it would work for these two 22 year olds.
We don't know if they are getting any help, beyond medication but I think society owes it to people who are struggling to try and get better. I don't think accepting it 'as their lot' is helpful, without at least trying to help and the 22 year olds help themselves too.

My mum suffered too from anxiety, quite bad with mum, she had therapy, hypnosis, meds, she tried the lot, it was pretty much in control of her. My partner too to an extent. But they worked.

Not at all unreasonable (although I now see there are some mental/work issues) . My son and his gf may move in with me. I’d love it, but I said they would need to contribute because of the extra utility bill usage (and I would lose my discounted council tax), and they buy their own food. No rent as I am mortgage free and they want to save. His response was, of course mum. He understands he has to pay his way.

In my town a reasonable room for 2 lodgers, small double room, shared bathroom, bills included is minimum £500 per month. Start there. Food and pets are extra.

I did not say beyond help at any point - please don't put words into my mouth. I just don't like seeing anxiety being written off as nothing.

I suffer from anxiety. It's crippling. I'm on medication and I have had therapy. It's in response to a specific set of life events that happened to me. Does that clarify better?

But they are just 22. Surely it is sensible to try and help these people overcome anxiety, which can be done with many, rather than just accept their life like this at such a young age? It would, if nothing else, open their horizons to live better. You seem to ready to accept it as a given, beyond help and I think that's quite sad.

I think at 22 anxiety shouldn't just be accepted.
It may take time (possibly years) but it should be a point of 'can't work yet' not 'can't work' unless there is a massive back story.

You’ve been a walk over Op. Tell them from the 1st day of next month they’ll be contributing towards household bill.

Yes, anxiety is usually highly treatable. Although getting treatment on the NHS is a bit of a lottery and generally involves lots of waiting.

Hopefully the OP’s DS and his GF will get the treatment and move forwards with their lives.

I'm sorry. Just because your daughter fought against it doesn't mean that other people will always cope with it - seriously. It's not up to you or anyone to tell people how much they should be contributing or whether their anxiety can be managed. We have limited information on here - think that is very clear.

Just another benefit bashing mental health bashing thread - again.

Too anxious to find a job but somehow managed just fine to find a girlfriend? And then moves the girlfriend into his mum's house, for free? 😂

Have either of these freeloaders ever had a job? Do they ever plan to do something with their lives?

I know there are some genuine cases of anxiety that can be a reason for not being able to function normally but most can be overcome or at least lessened with therapy. Are they actually trying to help themselves?
The remark about you having a new phone though just signals immaturity and entitlement to me. I hope you pointed out to him that it is none of their business what you spend your money on.

If the whole household is on benefits then they need to be contributing at least half between them to all bills. (If not 2/3rds).

Anxiety is something to be fought against, not just accepted. My DD at her worst could barely function, but she has fought and fought through college and work experience and is now well enough for part time work.

If they aren't well enough for work then what steps are they taking to improve?

Well in that case I don’t understand why you are so unsympathetic. You surely also realise that we are all different, and just because one person with a particular health issue can do something, it doesn’t mean the next person can.

This is just turning into yet another benefit bashing pick on people with mental health issues thread

It is very possible that the OPs son is on lcwra and has been assessed as being unfit to work. Hence getting more benefits. Some work is permitted on lcwra as long as it doesn't contradict the reason that someone was awarded it.

Do not assume that people with mental health issues are feckless - and do not suggest that people with mental health issues should litter pick - it's completely demeaning

I have anxiety when I can't work but then I have no-one to move in with or fall back on.

yanbu at all! I actually gasped at the 2 cats part. They are 22, not 12. If they are both receiving benefits then they have an income, which means they absolutely need to be paying their way.
You are not running a free hotel. It's not just the gas and electric, it's the extra food, the wear and tear on the washing machine, and the pets! Who is paying for the cat litter and food?
You need to sit them both down today and give them a set weekly figure for board and lodgings. If they kick off or say they can't afford it, just politely remind them they are welcome to see exactly how far their benefits stretch renting their own place in the real world.
Don't feel guilty about this at all. You are doing them no favours by letting them live rent free as adults. Stand your ground and get your money! x

So they are so desperately ill they can't work but they may have children? Bloody hell. I've heard it all now. How will they pay for them? Ah...let me guess....the people that also have anxiety but manage to work. Gotcha.

Are there any other countries in the world that will pay you sit at home as you’re too anxious to have a job?

Or is it just the UK?

I am getting anxiety as a tax payer at the thought of paying for all the young people who can’t work due to “anxiety”.

YANBU at all. Of course they must contribute. Standard MN suggestion now: you could save your son’s contributions to be gifted to him as a deposit etc when he moves out if you’re in a position to do so and so minded. Or spend it on yourself…

I'm on medication for anxiety and I still work.

Tell your son to pull his finger out and get a bloody job. Absolutely ridiculous that you're going to be subsidising him and his GF indefinitely. Unless you're actually Elon Musk, maybe.

This is a complete disaster waiting to happen, they both expect a free ride. Warning this is only going to get worse and you will soon feel a lodger in your own home.