Should I ask my DS and his girlfriend for money

It really isn't. I have mental health issues - have had my entire life, OCD, ADHD and anxiety that's got really bad at times - but have also worked my entire life. I don't have much sympathy for people who use mental health as an excuse not to work. I've never had the luxury of not working - I don't have a supportive family to fall back on, there's always just been me - so have had to crack on whether I felt like it or not. You find workarounds and you get on with it. The OP's child is not working because he knows he doesn't have to, the anxiety doesn't seem to have precluded him from finding a girlfriend, for example.

Ffs so everyone has anxiety and none of you work?! This country is fucked beyond measure. Why is this even allowed.

This is literally what is wrong with this country... FFS.

Payouts like these need reining in - massively. What do these people do all day? So crippled by anxiety I assume they don't go out?

This is such a depressing situation. Many years ago I used to work in Benefits and I saw the children of the claimants start to come to the desk and make their own claims as adults.

And on it goes.
There must be more that the son and girlfriend can do than sit around the house all day on Benefits.
OP why are you all doing to try and alleviate your issues and attempt to work and be productive?

And for those of you bleating about your virtue in having DC to serve the aging population, at the moment in this country, we have 1 in 4 young people (between 18 & 25) not in work or further education.

That is unsustainable.

I'm a dyed in the wool Labour voter & softy liberal - I get that generations of poverty, lack of ambition because no-one encourages you, generational trauma (being raised by a parent with severe mental ill-health cannot be easy, nor can being a parent with a severe mental illness) - all those disadvantages contribute to poor mental and physical health.

But the answer for young people is not to just cave and sit around on benefits. Some was derisive about litter picking. But look at what it offers - out in the fresh air, walking/exercise, contributing, doing something really meaningful for your community, which supports you - what is wrong with ANY of that?

God this grinds my gears. My youngest has crippling anxiety but is working full time, living independently and contributing to society. Good to know we are all paying tax for that likes of this family. No doubt there will be a baby we will need to support soon too

Whats the dynamics like in your house now you say they buy there own food and pay token amount. Even if they can’t work 3 adults in the house must be hard. Did you want your DS to be independent? I can’t imagine how he brought his gf with no real means to support herself to live with him.

I would say I was left wing, but its posts like these that could easily turn me the other way and I don’t like it!!!!

It’s the system that allows this .
there should be an obligation to at least do some voluntary work or training, together with regular meetings for updates and support.
And these are 22 year olds who are at risk of long term unemployment , and a life on benefits. Bad for them and unaffordable for the country.

And yet you are encouraging your son to have the same life.

He's young ffs. People with MH issues can and do work; you should support him to look for a job that he can do even if part time.

Exactly.

Not going to work or even try to work. They will have nothing to do other than accidentally fall pregnant and make a whole new generation of anxiety ADHD people sat at home on benefits.

So many people not working. No wonder the country's screwed.

Jesus wept!!!!!

They both have anxiety so they can’t work!! This is all over the news Op. So many youngsters with anxiety, everywhere you turn.
I’m on anti anxiety meds but manage to hold down a highly stressful full time job, plus look after a family.

Sometimes these kids just have to get on with it. They can’t not work all their life.

I think you need to be firmer with them and tell them they need to get into the workforce.

I despair!

My DD is at university studying a taxing subject yet still wants to go out there and work to earn her way. I would say I’ve brought her up with a good work ethic.

Unfortunately, to put it bluntly, your DS hasn’t had that and is copying behaviour.

Excellent post and questions @TeenToTwenties I see young people really struggling and winning against these kinds of things. And they are all the more proud of their success - the positive reinforcement really helps them. Not just sinking into failure.

Generally, the late teens/early 20s is a time of acute mental anxiety about one's place in the world, about one's future, about one's personality - it's a tough time of not being quite independent of one's family, but wanting to go out and make something of one's life. Anxiety about these things is a normal part of becoming an adult: we shouldn't pathologise it. We're infantilising young people. I am sceptical of the "I have anxiety" - well, anxiety about what, specifically?

If the OP's son is adult enough to have a committed relationship & the care of 2 cats, he and his girlfriend are adult enough to do something about their situation - if medical referrals are difficult, there is always self-help in the form of regular exercise, volunteer work, seeking out support groups, living a regular life: getting up at normal hours, sleeping normal hours (ie practising for the working day), doing the housework, doing volunteer work, and so on. Making whatever contribution theuy are able to make. Not just sitting on their arses all day.

3 working age adults all on taxpayer funded benefits! Really dismal outlook for this country.

If you are in receipt of benifits do you have to inform them that you are receiving money from your DS and his GF?

Same if claiming single person residency with the council.

Any children of the son and his girlfriend are likely to follow the same pattern as they parents and grandparents.

Exactly. It’s like they’ve all resigned themselves to it. What a life just sat around doing nothing with very little money.

It is a joke! I get heartily sick of people like this gaming the system with the 'anxiety' issue. Its clearly very easy to get and there was a survey the other day saying the vast majority of GP's havent refused sick notes for people claiming MH issues. It spoils it for the rest of the people that are suffering from genuine MH issues.

What on earth are they doing all day?? And as others say - the next bit will be 'Oops - I have fallen pregnant. We did take precautions and its not our fault.

Thank you. There is the answer. Remove benefits for such things. Just have UC.

Litter picking? Yeah, not great but being out in the garden, their own garden, physical work, fresh air, with nature, sun on their face, what's wrong with that? It can really help lift the soul and to sleep at night, is that such a bad thing for anxiety issues?

Bearing in mind the OP's son in this thread is managing to have a g/f and argue the toss that the OP has bought a new phone when asked to contribute to the household bills and the OP not really being sure if he has anxiety at all?

It wasnt something you could get benefits for. The cost is spiralling because lots are jumping on the bandwagon.

What are they/you doing to try and improve your current situations and ailments.

Do you all get outside every day in the fresh air, it’s great for mental health.

Do you exercise out of the home. Walking, running or at home with YouTube classes?

Do you use your brains in stimulating ways. Reading, puzzles, online learning etc?

Are you fueling your bodies with nutritious food? This can do wonders for your brain too.

You need to be letting your son and his girlfriend know that just settling for a life on benefits isn’t ok and they need to be actively trying to improve and better their situation.

They should be actively applying for jobs or doing online course to gain qualifications and knowledge or even volunteering somewhere.

I would hazard a guess she's using your ds and you for somewhere to stay for free. Nobody falls in love quicker than.spmeome with no place to stay.
Be prepared for you DS to be heartbroken when this all ends in tears. And by tears I mean his.