Should I ask my DS and his girlfriend for money

It absolutely is easy for those who are in the know how.

Glasgow girl here and I’ve grown up with plenty of people who refuse to work, including my friends abusive ex who signed on some kind of benefits the day after she left him 13 years ago as he refused to pay child support.

Just to add another perspective - ironically I have struggled to have my mental health problems taken seriously by the NHS BECAUSE I hold down a full-time job. If you don't seem to have collapsed completely, and are functioning as a 'normal' member of society even though it's incredibly challenging for you, they don't want to know. I didn't want benefits - just treatment. Which I've had to pay for myself, of course.

“They both have anxiety and can’t work”

Really? How very bloody convenient.

Maybe the prospect of imminent homelessness will give them the chance both to experience real anxiety and the impetus to get off their entitled arses.

No it's not. And UC is nothing like JSA.

Both are wrong.

There are definitely some lazy people on benefits, but not everyone claiming benefits is lazy.

I suspect OP hasn’t worked for the majority of her son’s life ie. 2 decades plus and that won’t be changing and he’s following suit.

I worked for decades with anxiety and depression. How do you think it feels to be called a feckless lazy malingerer (the new bad back) - because you are on disability benefits?

It’s very easy to game the system. If it’s anything like JSA was (which I was on for a total of a year or so during my 20s) proving you’ve applied to jobs is easy work. Doesn’t mean you’ve applied to job you realistically can get or put a good effort into the application etc.

Lots of people in my profession have mental health problems - it's the reason why a lot of us are in a job where we get to work at home, alone. There are workarounds for MH problems, it shouldn't be an excuse for being a lifelong benefit claimant (except in some very severe cases).

Right. It’s insulting to many of us who have bad panic attacks in meetings, shaking and crying in the toilets, worked through terrible painful physical illnesss etc to be told we don’t really have it /aren’t suffering because we refuse to go on long term benefits.

As I said we all different and (1) we don’t know bad the OP’s son’s anxiety is and what his symptoms are and (b) we don’t know what his plans are or whether he has tried to find work. If you’re on UC, they insist that you look for work and have to prove that you are doing it, unless you are too unwell.

I do, and I agree with her.

I absolutely agree. Anxiety shouldn't stop a person from working some kind of job.

TBF I'd definitely have a lot less anxiety if I didn't have to worry about paying any bills, because those were all being picked up for me by my mum/the taxpayer.

You obviously don't suffer from it then

And some people can't cope with having bipolar and working. I have a friend who is only alive because she was sectioned twice and retired early because of it. Your post is nasty and hugely judgemental to boot - just because your sibling can work doesn't mean that everyone can

Anxiety is the modern day "back pain".

Same! This is my stance too. The whole system needs to be looked at.

I actually think some people deserve higher amounts of benefits but it needs to be given to less people and for shorter periods of time.

The amount you get for example as a single adult with no kids on UC after losing your job is paltry. From what I understand a lot of countries pay much more if you are unemployed, but only for a certain amount of time like 6 months as opposed to decades.

There's nothing fraudulent about asking someone who lives with you who is on benefits for money towards their living costs

No it won't. You can't claim housing costs if you are living with a parent - you get the money for yourself only. The OP will already be claiming rent element. To claim that three times over would be benefit fraud

I often worry about the fact I don’t have a pension and I keep looking into starting one or changing jobs to get one. (Self employed pretty much my whole life so far). Threads like this make me not worry about it. The state can look after me in old age. 😎 Once I’m too old to work I’ll just claim benefits of some sort. (I’m autistic and have ADHD and due to those have a lot of anxiety including previous self harm when much younger).

Anxiety doesn't mean these two lazy oafs can't work. What do they do all day?

The next generation of such a families should be prohibited from claiming any benefits.

In the majority of cases the statement "they will be future tax payers" is clearly a load of rubbish.

Yes you should how are they ever going to survive in the real world. You can get help for anxiety with meds with CBT therapy. I had a daughter who in her teens had terrible anxiety so bad she couldn’t get out the door at times. We had help she went to University at 20 instead of 18 she did a degree & a Masters. She now has a career. She still get anxiety at times but now has coping methods. You can’t decide at that age you are never going to be a functioning working person of society. Try to encourage them to get help. There was a point I thought my daughter would not sit her Alevels even though she wanted to go to University.Yes you should take it & maybe give them a timeline to get help to improve the anxiety. Otherwise they will be comfortable with you forever.

I have every respect for those who genuinely suffer form MH issues; my own DP has struggled with PTSD.
Too many young ppl are claiming anxiety as an excuse not to go out into the adult world.
Those I have encountered and seemingly these two in this thread aren’t too anxious to manage busy love lives.
A friends DD up until the day she turned 18 was anxious but it miraculously disappeared and off she went to the pub, got a bf, car and job., she does trot it out to avoid doing things but they don’t let her away with it.
OP, you could easily work of your conditions are managed, even a part time job, show them the way!