Should I ask my DS and his girlfriend for money

fataroundthemiddle · 24/03/2026 15:13

MissRaspberry · 20/03/2026 10:09

My daughter and her boyfriend get close to £2k per month as there's lcwra and pip on their UC claim with no kids and their rent is paid directly to the local council too. So this lady's son and his girlfriend can more than afford to contribute easily if they're claiming more than basic UC.

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WHAT?

Moskova · 22/03/2026 22:01

EvieBB · 22/03/2026 19:01

So true
It's the tax avoiding billionaires that are fucking up the country waaaay more than the benefits system

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Not really. Illegal tax avoidance dwarves legal tax evasion. Illegal tax avoidance is mostly done by SMEs and tradespeople. Billionaires set up and create companies that provide the things we need and employ lots of people.

PollyBell · 22/03/2026 20:47

EvieBB · 22/03/2026 19:01

So true
It's the tax avoiding billionaires that are fucking up the country waaaay more than the benefits system

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Do you have facts around this? Other than tabloids that is

fourmyopicmice · 22/03/2026 20:44

EvieBB · 22/03/2026 19:01

So true
It's the tax avoiding billionaires that are fucking up the country waaaay more than the benefits system

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That is incorrect.

The top 10% of all taxpayers pay half of the total tax bill.

The top 25% of taxpayers pay 3/4 of the total tax bill.

EvieBB · 22/03/2026 19:28

dizzydizzydizzy · 18/03/2026 10:19

Well in that case I don’t understand why you are so unsympathetic. You surely also realise that we are all different, and just because one person with a particular health issue can do something, it doesn’t mean the next person can.

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That's exactly what I was thinking!
You'd think she'd have more empathy, not less!
I had a nervous breakdown and was out of work for 4 months in my 30s for debilitating anxiety....I literally couldn't function and was having severe panic attacks, uncontrollable shaking and insomnia....it was horrific. The most terrified I've ever been. I thought about ending things ...not because I wanted to die, but I was terrified that the terror I was feeling wouldn't stop.

I found out on the grapevine that some people at work assumed I was swinging the lead and just wanting time off work..it was appalling that people assumed the worst.... when they really had no absolutely no idea. Prior to that I was a quite a bubbly character and hid my pain well (shame leads you to overcompensate so I always tried to come across as cheerful) even if I was dying inside.....so they probably didn't imagine that I would need to be on extended sick leave for anxiety

Little did they know that I was in an emotionally abusive relationship on top of carrying a 30 yr old secret (undisclosed childhood sexual abuse).
I started not being able to function anymore and found myself having severe panic attacks and insomnia... mercifully I found the courage to take to a counsellor and was able to start my road to healing and eventually get back to work....

You never know what somebody is going through so stop being so judgemental...

EvieBB · 22/03/2026 19:01

firstofallimadelight · 18/03/2026 09:48

It’s really not

whilst I agree they need to work (not including op as I have no idea how bipolar impacts) or at least work towards working (training , volunteering etc) the country has far bigger problems than the benefits bill. Aging population, environment, and tax avoidance to name a few

I find it really shitty at how people begrudge the benefits system where even if a small percentage of them could do better none of them are living the high life. But the same people have little thought for the ongoing destruction of the planet and the massive companies that avoid putting into to our country. Be angry about the big problems not the little ones.

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So true
It's the tax avoiding billionaires that are fucking up the country waaaay more than the benefits system

EvieBB · 22/03/2026 18:58

ChickenBananaBanana · 18/03/2026 09:30

....what do you all do all day?

Cook, clean ,shop, laundry, iron, admin/emails/phone calls, mumsnet lol, read, watch TV, go for a walk, meet up with friends, go swimming, Pilates, play piano and guitar, singing group....... I'd easily fill my days if I wasn't working...

Furbabylady500 · 22/03/2026 17:49

Can I just say to the OP- since the last time I came on here there have been ALOT of asshats commenting and judging. Please ignore them, focus on the positive and constructive comments. Only you know the depth of your situation, no one else and it's no one else's business either. All the best 😉

Original poster

DiaryofWimpy · 22/03/2026 17:23

Olive123456 · 22/03/2026 02:47

Genuine people get turned down because they didn't do their homework to know the "correct" answers to give.

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or be held in hospital for STDC having hallucinations and thinking they are a higher being.

Bipolar isn’t just depression it’s a dangerous illness to have

OP posts:

Olive123456 · 22/03/2026 02:56

fourmyopicmice · 18/03/2026 14:55

Yes, and then when the baby comes and gets out of nappies he/she will also be
anxious and muggins here will be paying for the whole lot if them.

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ADHD more likely.

Olive123456 · 22/03/2026 02:47

MyLimePoet · 18/03/2026 14:19

I have never watched them. I'm on ADP which is the Scottish equivalent and I answered the questions without any support. I was turned down several times for lcwra - even with support from welfare rights. I wouldn't go through the process again. It was very challenging - and I was suffering from more than anxiety at that point

The OP has bipolar. That's a bit more than just anxiety to be fair.

Of course there are always going to be people that milk the system. But it's not an easy process to go through - lots of people who are in genuine need are turned down

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Genuine people get turned down because they didn't do their homework to know the "correct" answers to give.

LubyLooTwo · 21/03/2026 23:48

They need to contribute something. Otherwise they will end up sponging off you. Are you really happy to be accomodating two people on benefits. Hopefully they are seeking jobs.

Pickledonion1999 · 21/03/2026 22:00

GSR48 · 21/03/2026 21:57

What is a DS firstly?

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Darling son !

GSR48 · 21/03/2026 21:57

DiaryofWimpy · 17/03/2026 19:43

My DS2 has moved his girlfriend in with her 2 cats.

Obviously it’s another person using the washing machine,,TV, gas and electricity they are both 22 and don’t work but get benefits.

Do you think I’m being unreasonable asking them for money?

What is a DS firstly?

B33cka8 · 21/03/2026 19:48

Perhaps if you let them save, and they can show they are saving money with no housing costs then they can move out together sooner. Likewise they can show you they've applied for their own housing, otherwise they're never going to move out!

XenoBitch · 21/03/2026 18:47

Bernycycles · 20/03/2026 23:31

What are you talking about? The last thing I said to the Op is well done for looking into getting back to work.

I’m not grilling the Op and afaik that other poster was not doing that as well although I haven’t read all their posts.

They stated she didn’t say her son is physically unable to work and I agreed. That is correct.

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He is not able to work for mental health reasons. That is still a valid reason to struggle with work, and he will have been assessed and had to give evidence to show that was the case.

Chrissytommo · 21/03/2026 18:44

Can't imagine why they'd be anxious getting free money for doing nothing. This is one of the reasons the welfare bill costs the Government £330 billion a year

Pickledonion1999 · 21/03/2026 09:20

Bernycycles · 20/03/2026 23:31

What are you talking about? The last thing I said to the Op is well done for looking into getting back to work.

I’m not grilling the Op and afaik that other poster was not doing that as well although I haven’t read all their posts.

They stated she didn’t say her son is physically unable to work and I agreed. That is correct.

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I don't think op has said he can't work just that he suffers form anxiety. . Lots of people claiming disability benefits work, those benefits are there to help disabled people stay in work. It is a tragedy the number of young people currently not working due to anxiety and MH issues. There needs to be more help and quickly before these young people become long term benefit claimants.

Bernycycles · 20/03/2026 23:31

MyLimePoet · 20/03/2026 23:12

But she says he's on disability benefits. I'm on disability benefits. I'm unable to work just now. Should we just pop up a bit more and give her a bit more of a grilling for other peoples lolz?

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What are you talking about? The last thing I said to the Op is well done for looking into getting back to work.

I’m not grilling the Op and afaik that other poster was not doing that as well although I haven’t read all their posts.

They stated she didn’t say her son is physically unable to work and I agreed. That is correct.

MyLimePoet · 20/03/2026 23:12

Bernycycles · 20/03/2026 23:00

You’re right. OP doesn’t say that.

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But she says he's on disability benefits. I'm on disability benefits. I'm unable to work just now. Should we just pop up a bit more and give her a bit more of a grilling for other peoples lolz?

Bernycycles · 20/03/2026 23:00

Hhhwgroadk · 20/03/2026 22:07

Where does OP say he is physically unable to work?

You’re right. OP doesn’t say that.

MyLimePoet · 20/03/2026 22:09

Hhhwgroadk · 20/03/2026 22:07

Where does OP say he is physically unable to work?

He's on disability benefits. Hth

Hhhwgroadk · 20/03/2026 22:07

Where does OP say he is physically unable to work?

MyLimePoet · 20/03/2026 20:17

Hhhwgroadk · 20/03/2026 19:56

All physically able adults should be working and/or contributing to society as a whole. DS and his partner should be working and also not sponging off OP. The amount they are contributing from their benefits is derisory. It should be doubled. They should only have a very small amount left for their 'personal needs'.

The son is disabled. Have you read the entire thread?

Hhhwgroadk · 20/03/2026 19:56

All physically able adults should be working and/or contributing to society as a whole. DS and his partner should be working and also not sponging off OP. The amount they are contributing from their benefits is derisory. It should be doubled. They should only have a very small amount left for their 'personal needs'.