To ask you to help with a cover story for my Jewish child

And I can’t help noticing that any time there’s a thread by a (presumably) Jewish mum on Mumsnet, she gets these “oh no this can’t be the situation” as if someone’s actual experience of anti-Semitic racist bullying is somehow not real.

These sorts of responses anre anti-Semitic in themselves.

I think making up lies as cover stories is not protecting your child at all, feeling like you're living a lie and worrying that you might be caught out is going to be extremely stressful for a child.

I've never known 11 year olds to be so obsessed with where someone came from that they wanted to know where their grandparents were from. DS's grandparents are foreign but no one has ever interrogated him about it, I'm not sure anyone at Secondary school gave it a second thought or cared beyond knowing where he lived now and where he went to primary school.

I think the traumatic situation around your eldest is understandably making you overthink the situation with your youngest. By all means don't draw attention to the fact that he is Jewish for his safety but coming up with a fake history is a step too far. He is from where ever he was born, and unless that was Israel he doesn't need to lie about it or tell people where his grandparents are from IMO.

Don't instill your fear in him before anything has actually happened. Hopefully he will have a completely different experience to his brother and if he doesn't then hopefully the school will take it very seriously and quickly nip it in the bud.

Well, quite.

My brother in law is routinely catcalled with anti-Semitic garbage in the street in some areas of the UK. And he’s a secular Jew. No Hasidic hat or curls or kippah.

Genuinely shocked at your experiences OP, I’m in Scotland and if a teacher said those things here they would be struck off. I would seriously consider moving schools or areas. They shouldn’t have to lie about their heritage to be accepted.

I see you’re one of those people.
Yeah, imagine responding to something without reading 12 pages of comments. Shoot me. 🙄

Yes you would. If someone with a Indian or mixed child has said 'help me think of a cover story for their race' you would absolutely get the same comments saying tell them from London, British includes all heritages, this is a bullying problem not a race problem. And that's a good thing because racism should never be condoned!.

also quite ridiculous not to read the thread before replying…..

This is, quite frankly, a ridiculous comment.

This is a terrible situation and Im so sorry that your children are not being supported.

There were many Polish airmen flying in the RAF in World War II who then settled in the UK.

Could your child say their great grandfather flew with the Polish airmen and settled here? Or perhaps more recently that their grandfather was a leading light in Solidarity in Gdansk and claimed asylum in the UK in the 1980s?

I know it's horrible to lie but it allows them to specify their country of origin without necessarily stating their ethnicity or religion.

Alternatively, and this may be unpalatable, could they claim they have Russian heritage?

I really wish you weren't in this position.

I wonder why you chose Eastern Europe? People look the same in Eastern European countries as they look in the UK, apart from perhaps slightly different hair and clothing style.

I guess I dont fully understand the whole situation but why cant they name the country you /they are from? People will ask foreigners where they are from, its a basice question and usually it makes no difference what the answer is. I appreciate it must be very hard as you have a different experience with your elder child.

Plenty of British people don’t ‘look’ British. If they are British citizens then they are British.

Im sorry your eldest has experienced racism - I promise not all schools are like that and I really hope the other school can restore your faith.

I’m embarrassed about my country @Aislyn. We welcomed Jewish children before and during the war offering sanctuary and now this? I’m so sorry.

Quite honestly OP, I am absolutely horrified that your poor child is facing such blatant racism. I'm not Jewish and neither is my husband. My husband has a childhood friend who is Jewish, and we have been welcomed with open arms into his family, as he has been ours.

It sounds as if you have tried everything to resolve the issue with the school. Have you taken the issue to the Governors and followed the schools complaint process (should be listed on the school website)?

Sometimes, it is possible to guess someone's heritage by their appearance, and I suspect this is what's happened, with the country, confirming it. It shouldn't matter to anyone else what heritage your children are, it's irrelevant.

No advice, OP, but sending solidarity. My son has encountered more antisemitism at high school than I have in my entire 50 years. And it’s not taken seriously at all. I could hear the eye rolls when I last spoke to SLT about it.
It’s a hard time.

Kicking myself that my children (not yet at school) have very Jewish/Israeli names...

To what extent are your kids actually "from" said Eastern European location? Did their great grandparent/s flee from there during the Holocaust? How much of their current culture is informed by that location? I'm just a bit surprised by how you define yourself by your heritage of this place, given that Jews have only ever been sojourners there (no matter how much we have felt settled or contributed to society...) So I'm surprised that your kids feel the need to give any answer beyond British. "I know, lots of people say I look Mediterranean, funny that!"

I'm really sorry and disappointed to hear how you are suffering. Are you sure the same will happen at the other school? Or you just don't want to take any chances?

I agree especially if its only their Dad of this origin but then they would be brought up in another culture.

Why interrogate like this? The op knows her dc’ experience.

Don’t we agree that’s still better than anti Semitic bullying though?!

I don’t think it’s just about knowing the language. If there’s another pupil from the place where OP’s children lie and say they are from there could be awkward conversations regarding religion/culture/heritage etc that they won’t be able to answer.

Try... ' I'm from Palestine, and i don't want to talk about it".

That will shut them up.

Agreed. Of my generation* I only know two girls from an Eastern European language who knew even a small amount of their parents' language. All the boys were completely monolingual.

*Late Boomer/Generation Jones

I agree coming up with a cover story or making children conscious that their religion could cause people to be awful to them that’s creating a problem.

I just wanted to add how horrific I find it that any of you are feeling worried enough, or are being subjected to treatment that makes you feel like you can’t be open and honest about your faith, it’s bloody horrific and has terrifying overtones of the past. I can’t imagine what you must be feeling but I feel for you.