I’m currently pregnant with our third. We’ve got a 3 year old and a 1 year old, so life is already quite full on, and I feel like I’m starting to get really bothered by DH’s smoking in a way I wasn’t before.
We’re both 39 and have been together since we were 19 met at uni. He’s always smoked on and off during this time, he’s smoked since boarding school I think he started at 15.
I think I just accepted it when we were younger, but now with two small children and another on the way it just feels different.
He doesn’t smoke in the house, he goes outside, but the smell is still there on his breath at times and I really notice it. For work he does make sure to chew gum or have a mint after smoking so you wouldn’t really know unless you’re actively smelling him.
It’s not about hormones, it’s more that I just want him to be around and healthy to see our children grow up.
The thing is, he’s actually very fit. He cycles long distances has cycled from Cornwall to Scotland multiple times, he in a cycling club, runs will be running London marathon again this year, goes to the gym a few times a week, swims. If you saw him you wouldn’t think he smoked at all. But he always has, the whole time I’ve known him, and that’s what I struggle with.
I have mentioned it quite a few times. He says he’ll cut down or stop at some point but nothing really changes. Granted he isn’t smoking a pack a day. I don’t want to nag but at the same time I feel like this stage of life, with soon to be three young kids, is the point where you would expect someone to take it seriously.
We are also in the process of viewing houses and hopefully starting the process of buying our forever home in sw or se ldn in the next month or so and I’d really like for us to live in that house together for a long time. Smoking isn’t just a little fun hobby it is affecting his health, maybe no symptoms now but long term should be taking our health seriously.
I think I’m starting to feel a bit resentful if I’m being honest.
Am I being unreasonable expecting him to stop now, or do I just have to accept it’s his choice?