Childhood bedroom off limits?

I meant updated his will since his marriage

YANBU
some people are just so uptight!

The child isn’t going to understand the significance of the room - sounds like the OP just wants to see upstairs because apparently they always had unlocked doors when he lived there.

And can he really not understand that the other in-laws may have different rules.

And wtf is ‘slightly on the spectrum’?

Oh, come on, it’s obviously different to him knocking on the door of a house that has been sold! His dad still lives there. Either way, I don’t think he should do anything about it, but I can understand his feelings.

It’s okay to have the feelings but as an adult, he should be able to understand that they don’t have to let him and that asking more than once is intrusive. If the house had been sold would he be knocking on the door asking still? Because either way it’s not his house and he has no right to keep asking

Well, obviously… But, you know, people have feelings about their childhood home, just because they’re not ones that you would reasonably act upon doesn’t mean they’re not understandable.

Sure. But it’s a wardrobe that used to be his childhood bedroom. Of course his father's wife can prevent access, but it doesn’t mean that he wouldn’t have feelings about the situation. They are actually really understandable feelings, just because they’re ones that can’t be acted upon, doesn’t mean they’re not pretty easy to understand.

That’s her right and the OPs behaviour isn’t that conducive to a good relationship. If I were the SM and inherited the house, I wouldn’t be inclined to be generous.

It’s hideously rude to keep on when someone has said no - most people know that by about the age of 10.

I would go mad if someone kept wanging on about it and they had to keep saying no. The kid doesn’t really care, the parent is the one pushing it.

I know that, but if his father's new wife won't even allow him to go upstairs in his childhood home, I doubt she'll be ok with her DH leaving his son/children the house. Anyway, who's to know.

Wow. That’s quite a leap - MN batshittery at its best!

She is a CF cocklodger because she AND HER HUSBAND want privacy and to be able to use their house as they like (what with them being married and all) and don’t want a toddler or the OP nosing around?

Perhaps you could list what would be an acceptable use for the room ? I assume you would be happy for someone to do that for your house?

I don't think it's unreasonable for the upstairs of your family home to not be somewhere you should wander willy nilly, especially with a toddler. Things and uses change and sometimes that means they're no longer places you should be wandering into. And to the new wife you're sort of a stranger, instinctively for her it probably feels like you're going upstairs to be nosey and maybe judgmental. It won't have the echos of when you lived there and it was your everyday, the it will for your father.

Perhaps limiting when and how you look around, emphasising the nostalgia element of it for you, and giving her time to prep will put her more at ease? Ask in advance if it's possible at some point to show dd where you used to sleep, where you climbed out on to the roof, dyed your hair, sat with your dad when you were sick, or whatever. Even if it's changed now. Give the new wife time to move anything she's embarrassed about.

Possibly that will get her back up further, but if that's the case there isn't much longterm hope.

Try and focus more of your dd's exploration on the more public bits of the house and garden so she still feels at home but doesn't tread on your father's new wife's sense of privacy as much. And if the new wife is receptive, talk to her a bit about good times you had int he house with your parents and tell her you hope she and your dad make great memories there too. So she becomes part of the same story.

No, but the OP wanted to show the bedroom, I presume together. So supervised!
Would you have minded the little one in your room if hadn't caused any damage and with an adult? As these situations would be very different.

This.

Its not your house. Accept it.

Totally agree with this. I can't imagine telling one of my children they can't go and look in their old room.

Can’t imagine letting a 2yo into an office

I understand that their bedroom is private but it was apparent that DF's wife didn't want us going in the guest room, office or my childhood bedroom (which I gather is being used as an extra wardrobe).

I mean to me that all makes sense.

What is there in any of those rooms that is of interest?

It's just being used to store clothes so what is there to see though?

I think its really wierd OP!

I lived with my mum with my son for a few years and I went back to my room and he had my siblings old room. He still loves that room years after moving out and always goes up there.

I also let myself in everytime.

All I know is that I would feel that I was massively overstepping to tell someone that they can't have a look at their childhood bedroom in a house that I now happen to live in, by virtue of having married this man.

Far better for the couple to start afresh in a new home.

Perhaps but that can be expensive.

Your old bedroom is not yours anymore. Toddlers aren't always safe roaming around. Your daughter needs to start to understand that she cannot just wander everywhere.

It's a difficult dynamic when a new spouse moves into a family home.

From your perspective, you naturally feel a sense of ownership (emotionally, not literally/legally) towards the house and particular rooms. From the perspective of the new spouse, that can be unnerving an intrusive.

Far better for the couple to start afresh in a new home. My parents sold our childhood home years ago and I have such a different relationship to their current home, much more like a visitor who needs permission to set the table etc. I think it's a healthier dynamic.