Childhood bedroom off limits?

That’s her right and the OPs behaviour isn’t that conducive to a good relationship. If I were the SM and inherited the house, I wouldn’t be inclined to be generous.

Wow. That’s quite a leap - MN batshittery at its best!

She is a CF cocklodger because she AND HER HUSBAND want privacy and to be able to use their house as they like (what with them being married and all) and don’t want a toddler or the OP nosing around?

Perhaps you could list what would be an acceptable use for the room ? I assume you would be happy for someone to do that for your house?

I don't think it's unreasonable for the upstairs of your family home to not be somewhere you should wander willy nilly, especially with a toddler. Things and uses change and sometimes that means they're no longer places you should be wandering into. And to the new wife you're sort of a stranger, instinctively for her it probably feels like you're going upstairs to be nosey and maybe judgmental. It won't have the echos of when you lived there and it was your everyday, the it will for your father.

Perhaps limiting when and how you look around, emphasising the nostalgia element of it for you, and giving her time to prep will put her more at ease? Ask in advance if it's possible at some point to show dd where you used to sleep, where you climbed out on to the roof, dyed your hair, sat with your dad when you were sick, or whatever. Even if it's changed now. Give the new wife time to move anything she's embarrassed about.

Possibly that will get her back up further, but if that's the case there isn't much longterm hope.

Try and focus more of your dd's exploration on the more public bits of the house and garden so she still feels at home but doesn't tread on your father's new wife's sense of privacy as much. And if the new wife is receptive, talk to her a bit about good times you had int he house with your parents and tell her you hope she and your dad make great memories there too. So she becomes part of the same story.

I understand that their bedroom is private but it was apparent that DF's wife didn't want us going in the guest room, office or my childhood bedroom (which I gather is being used as an extra wardrobe).

I mean to me that all makes sense.

What is there in any of those rooms that is of interest?

OP is actually male - first posts missed that and I havent read all of them. Not that it makes much difference, I guess I might be more upset by a step daughter rummaging in my wardrobe.

OP you've moved out, presumably years ago as you have a young child. It's not your house, it's no longer the room you remember and it shouldnt be, your security is now in your own home. I understand it feels a bit wierd, and it would be nice if there were pictures of what it looked like when it was yours - but you should move on.

Is there still stuff belonging to you or your mum that you'd like to keep in the house? Has your dad updated his will since he got married?

I think it's time to take anything that is yours/your mum's back home with you, before it vanishes. If your dad hasn't updated his will, all his assets including the house will become hers.

YANBU

I'd feel pretty put out in your position. Sure, it's her home now, but it was your childhood home for 18 years! It's perfectly normal for you to be able to roam about the full house, other than their bedroom. I still go home and stay in my childhood bedroom when at my parents, I'd be furious if a parent remarried and I was no longer allowed upstairs!!

Do you have any siblings? I take it as your DF has remarried, you'll no longer be inheriting your childhood home, that's got to hurt too.

No idea why so many posters keep referring to you as a woman when you're clearly a Dad!

I would presume that the 2 year old would be supervised?

I am all for privacy and any level of CFery is routed out immediately but this seems a bit extreme. My children wander round my parents house and gardens as they want and it's a lot of space, even has spooky secret passages connecting different areas of the house. They do stay there though, so it wouldn't occur for there to be any areas that are off limits really. Have you stayed there since you left?

Why is your 2yo off exploring rooms in every house she visits? What on earth makes you think this is appropriate?

I think they are being extremely unfair. It was your home, so many memories of growing up. Especially your own room, I would be furious if I wasn't allowed to go in there. Even if it has been turned into something different, it doesn't matter. What is the reason they have given to not allow you? So odd.

I understand how you feel, the nostalgia must be quite strong for you since your dad hasn't moved on to another house since you left your childhood home. But I do feel you are BABU, sorry. Your DD won't understand the feeling you have for your old bedroom, it just won't compute. There's also the chance that your DF and his wife may have radically changed and redecorated it since you last saw it, it's possible the embossed paper on the ceiling is no longer there.

I do think it's better for you to relish the memories you have of your old room and keep it as that - a lovely memory that gives you warm fuzzies.

It's your SM and dad's home and they should be able to keep areas of it private if they want to. You'd be unreasonable to push against that.

Ah OP, I really feel for you but I have to give you a gentle YABU here.

It must sting to not be able to have free reign of what was your family home with your mum and dad. I'm sure it feels like this lady is taking over and you want to keep your (any your mum's) 'stamp' on it, to see your daughter roaming around the places you used to sleep and play.

Unfortunately though, dynamics do change when the residents of the home are not both your parents, especially as this lady is a fairly new addition and not even a long-term step-parent for you. It must have been hard for her to move into the home your dad shared with your mum, and that you consider to be your family home - it's not something I would have been able to do in her shoes tbh.

As hard as it is, I think you do need to accept that this lady clearly won't be as comfortable with you wandering wherever you like in her home as your mum would have likely been. And even if you're not able to do that, you and your DD are still being welcomed into their home, hopefully that can be enough.

Hugs to you, sorry for the loss of your mum💐

Sex dungeon? 😄

Tbh op being told it was your old room will mean less than nothing to a 2 year old. If your dad had moved house, as many people do to downsize when they're older, you wouldn't be able to just go in whenever you want.

You haven't been told you can never go in there again - she just didn't want you to go in at that very moment, which I think is understandable -its her house now. I'm sure if you said "would I be able to show dd my old room next time we visit" and give them enough notice to tidy up or whatever that would be absolutely fine.

I also think you should be doing more than "trying" to keep her out of people's bedrooms at any house you're in, tbh, unless they've specifically given permission for her to wander everywhere there's absolutely no need for her to go poking into every room. If she's 2 she shouldn't be wandering around climbing stairs in other houses without supervision so don't understand why it's not a "we don't let her go into host's bedrooms" rather than this half hearted "try".

Personally I have no problem with people going into any room in my house, and it was always the same in my parents house. But once I moved out into my own home I never considered any room in my parents house as 'my room.' It was ther house to use a they wished.

From your Dad's wife's POV, she has moved into a house that was his and his late wife's and his children's. It must be hard for her to feel as if the house is completely 'hers', the idea that you and your child can wander all around the house and go into areas that she considers private in her home will be hard for her. It isn't your home any more, things have moved on and the dynamic is different (different from those visiting both their parents). Maybe she feels awkward because the room has been changed, maybe she thinks you'll be annoyed she is using it as a wardrobe Maybe she just doesn't want other people going into her wardrobe.

Ultimately you have to suck it up. You could got to your father and insist you be allowed to take your DD into your old room, but that would put him in a difficult position and might cause trouble between them. And why would you want to do that and possibly sour relations between you and your father's wife for the sake of looking in a room ?

She may be unreasonable, but it is her home now and you need to respect that.