Childhood bedroom off limits?

Im close to parents and in-laws. Iv never gone traipsing around their upstairs woth any of my kids as toddlers. They didn't need to be upstairs. As they got older they would hang out in guestrooms but both grandparents bedrooms were off limits - they are private.
I wouldnt want anyone in my bedroom

My own kids arnt allowed in my bedroom, never have been since they went into their own rooms.

I said up thread that different families do things differently. You don't see it as a dressing room. I do. I wouldn't go looking around my childhood bedroom, because it's no longer mine. As I said when I moved out my sister took it over.
Different people do things differently. There isn't an absolute right or wrong. The stepmother doesn't want people in what she considers to be a personal space. That's fine.
FWIW, I did have a stepmother, we got on fine, I respected the way she did things in her home, and she respected the way I did things in my home.

I don’t view a spare room used to house wardrobe overflow in the same light as a bedroom/attached dressing room. Most people store a few things in spare rooms.

Where would OP sleep if he was to stay the night? But I’m guessing that won’t be permitted now.

So glad I don’t have any step-parents!

@saraclara I probably didn't make it clear that I meant a child's bedroom whilst they are still living in the family home, but also interesting to see what people feel about when visiting their adult child's house.

Does seem that some people think parents can never have private space in their house, once they have kids that's it, no privacy whatsoever. Even if adult DC have left home years ago.

I always feel bedrooms are people's private space, even from other member's of the family.

My children's homes have never been my home. So that's a false equivalence.

ETA that when my children lived with me, as they got older I'd always knock before going into their room.

I wouldn't go into their bedrooms without their knowledge, now that they have their own homes. My grandchildren take me to their own bedrooms though.

But my kids and grandkids in my home? They can go wherever they like. It's my family home and they're my family still.

Well plainly its not obvious when the thrust of the thread is that the man who used to live in the house has priority of the woman whose home it is currently, that she should be preserving “his” bedroom and not be allowed to keep her own wardrobe private.

The child is two. Its utterly meaningless to them unless the OP has made a big deal of seeing “his” room to the child.

The room has been repurposed as a walk in wardrobe. How many of you would be happy to have one of your husband’s male relatives wandering around your wardrobe and clothes just because they want to?

I’m also a widow, still in the family home, no plans to ever remarry. My DC will always be welcome including for a prolonged stay if needed. However all the children’s bedrooms have been revamped and some repurposed since they left home. Not to mention a room which was ideal for a teen is not necessarily the best option for a couple and baby/child when visiting. It is my home, not a museum maintained in aspic so that a two year old can be told “daddy slept here” and “oh look at Daddy’s posters on the wall” for the odd visit.

I also keep the doors closed upstairs - both for heating zone efficiency and because I don’t keep every room toddler safe now that I have no children permanently resident..

I know that step mothers are the spawn of evil on MN but really this woman is living in her own home with her husband and is entitled to keep her wardrobe private from visitors - however long they lived there in the past. I also think that suggestions that the woman only married the DF for his money/home and is manipulative and has too many clothes are both unpleasant and sexist.

It’s not just “someone’s house” it’s his kids’ granddad’s home and his childhood home. I can see why she might not want them going into their bedroom but it’s a bit weird not allowing access to any of the upstairs rooms to her husband’s own son. Fair enough if it was once or twice when it was extra messy and I get not wanting a 2 yo in there unsupervised but I don’t see the problem with the OP showing his kid the room.

She’s being completely unreasonable, it’s your childhood bedroom and the house you grew up in. When my kids go to my dad’s house (who also remarried about 7 yrs ago) they love exploring and it’s nice for them to see where I grew up. It would be very strange if they weren’t allowed in any of the bedrooms (apart from their bedroom maybe). Maybe talk to your dad and he could speak to her about it

The OP is male, his former bedroom is now a wardrobe /dressing room. To me that indicates it's a personal space.

@ProfessionalPirate the room is now used by the stepmother as a dressing room

YABU why would you want your child to wander around someone's house. They may see it simply as an overstepping privacy. Personally I am a messy person and don't like people seeing my mess as well. I think you are being strange about this.

Where has OP said she wants to go into her parent’s bedroom?

As an adult I wouldn’t wander off mid conversation that would be weird, but obviously it’s natural for toddler to want to explore and not just sit with the adults. And I would of course follow the toddler about to keep an eye on them. If we were in a friends or acquaintance house then I had no great difficulty in distracting them away from the stairs, but I would find it strange to feel I had to do this in my childhood home also. Parents and in-laws don’t live nearby so visits tend to be long - even more unreasonable to expect a toddler to restrict themselves to one room. My Children are slightly older and currently love a whole-house game of hide and seek. My in-laws have even left DH’s room much as it was when he lived there (20 years ago!) and the children love discovering DH’s old stuff. My dad has an upstairs office that features a large jar of sweets on the desk to attract visiting grandkids.

But then we are very close and relaxed with both my and DH’s parents. OPs relationship with her dad sounds a bit formal. I think it’s the inevitable consequence of acquiring a step parent as an adult. Everyone I know in that situation has found it uncomfortable at best.

Many posters on MN have a huge issue if MIL wanders into their bedroom and has a look round, view it as their private space. But it appears parents of adult DC are never allowed private space in their home, these DC are allowed to go everywhere.

Obviously it's different with your children, as you say they are inviting their grandparents to join them.

As for your parents, are you saying that during a visit, if you were sitting with them in the lounge or kitchen chatting and having a cuppa or whatever, you'd just get up and wander off upstairs? Because that's what OP and their baby did. And it was gently pointed out to them that there nothing of interest to the child up there, they weren't told they were forbidden to ever climb the stairs for the rest of their lives.

We have no idea if it wasn't a joint decision by father and stepmother to redesignate the rooms. As they are now an office and wardrobe I can understand why they don't want others in their. As ever it's the wicked stepmother who gets the flack.
I do wonder when something ceases to belong to a person. Particularly when that individual has their own home and would moan like mad if stepmother took it upon herself to inspect their property. (not the same as here I realise but it seems to be a common theme).

Well firstly my children love having people in their rooms. If they are in there getting dressed or whatever I will knock of course, but I wouldn’t expect to be denied access for any length of time, no.

But that’s beside the point - OP isn’t interested in going into her stepmother’s bedroom. She’s talking about spare rooms and offices.

This sounds horribly cold and I’d be so sad about this. I never go upstairs in other peoples homes when visiting unless invited to generally, but parents (both mine and DH’s) are an exception to this. They still feel like our homes. And it works both ways, when grandparents visit our house they spend a lot of time upstairs, as the DC love taking them into their rooms to play.

It's not a "closed door policy" its just that most people shut doors behind them as they leave for all kinds of reasons, drafts, privacy, an untidy room, heating, air conditioning (though maybe not in the UK) - it's standard to just shut a door behind you when leaving the room.

It is not standard to let your children wander through other people's houses though, and you should encourage your child not to do that as a lot of people would not want you and your child in other parts of their house.

I'd just politely ask if you can show your child your old bedroom if it means a lot to you.

For those saying everyone should have free rein in their childhood home/parents’ house, do you respect your child’s privacy in their bedroom or do you think you can invade their private space whenever

Your 2 year old is not free to go anywhere and everywhere and explore in other people's homes. Even if it's your old childhood home. Those are pretty normal boundaries. You have the issue here, not a 2 year old.

Setting reasonable boundaries about a 2 year old exploring another person's home is unlikely to affect her emotional bond with her grandfather unless you make it an issue.

It's not your home. It's likely not childproofed. That's safety. It doesn't look the same. People are allowed to have privacy. She needs to learn different places have different rules.

We keep doors shut because we have radiators and that keeps the rooms warmer while lowering the heating and cooling bills. They also might be shutting doors to protect their privacy.

🤷🏻‍♀️

Be sad about it if you like, it doesn’t change the fact that it’s true.

Your parents may give you free access, but it isn’t something you’re entitled to have. OP and OP’s child are both welcome in the house, they’re just not welcome to have free rein of it.

Yes! How dare they close the bedroom doors - and then apparently the SM is controlling and is a cocklodger 🤣

Not missing the point at all. The OP is entitled to be a bit upset but his post was all about how his child won’t be close to his DF and SM because she isn’t allowed to go into a room that has now been repurposed. And how gutted the child will be because she can’t go in.

There are many reasons why they may not want people to snoop around there and that’s up to them.