Childhood bedroom off limits?

Sex dungeon? 😄

Tbh op being told it was your old room will mean less than nothing to a 2 year old. If your dad had moved house, as many people do to downsize when they're older, you wouldn't be able to just go in whenever you want.

You haven't been told you can never go in there again - she just didn't want you to go in at that very moment, which I think is understandable -its her house now. I'm sure if you said "would I be able to show dd my old room next time we visit" and give them enough notice to tidy up or whatever that would be absolutely fine.

I also think you should be doing more than "trying" to keep her out of people's bedrooms at any house you're in, tbh, unless they've specifically given permission for her to wander everywhere there's absolutely no need for her to go poking into every room. If she's 2 she shouldn't be wandering around climbing stairs in other houses without supervision so don't understand why it's not a "we don't let her go into host's bedrooms" rather than this half hearted "try".

🤣

Childhood homes are like old friends, most people want to see and feel how the home changes over the years. It would feel like a very alien concept to be sudden shut out of some spaces.

If it means that much to you then tell your DF you'd like to show it to DD.

I’d ask your Dad. It’s his house really

My brain also went straight to thinking that it’s been turned into a sex room!

A two year old shouldn’t be encouraged to wander round other people’s houses as a basic principle- they probably won’t be child proof, she could accidentally damage or lose something and finally it’s an invasion of their privacy.

It hasn’t been your home for a long time, OP, you need to respect your DF’s wife in her own home.

My own DC were not allowed to wander round their grandparents upstairs, public rooms only.

YABU

A toddler does not need to visit your old room. Wait til she older and understands more

Perhaps it's a real tip upstairs. I have been known to put all the clutter in a bedroom if I have visitor's coming!

hmm, I've made it very clear to my grown up children that my house (where they grew up) remains their house too for as long as I live.
Although there's no chance that I'm ever going to be moving a new partner in here the DC's old bedrooms are still their bedrooms and that would be a non-negotiable condition for anyone moving in.
I just don't get 'they've moved out this is not their home any more'.

I don't think you're being unreasonable, I'd ask "I'd like to show DC my room, ok if I pop up?" My parents didn't have off limits rooms, my kids used to love exploring granny and grandad's house, but I guess that's not for everyone.

Personally I have no problem with people going into any room in my house, and it was always the same in my parents house. But once I moved out into my own home I never considered any room in my parents house as 'my room.' It was ther house to use a they wished.

From your Dad's wife's POV, she has moved into a house that was his and his late wife's and his children's. It must be hard for her to feel as if the house is completely 'hers', the idea that you and your child can wander all around the house and go into areas that she considers private in her home will be hard for her. It isn't your home any more, things have moved on and the dynamic is different (different from those visiting both their parents). Maybe she feels awkward because the room has been changed, maybe she thinks you'll be annoyed she is using it as a wardrobe Maybe she just doesn't want other people going into her wardrobe.

Ultimately you have to suck it up. You could got to your father and insist you be allowed to take your DD into your old room, but that would put him in a difficult position and might cause trouble between them. And why would you want to do that and possibly sour relations between you and your father's wife for the sake of looking in a room ?

She may be unreasonable, but it is her home now and you need to respect that.

I wouldn’t want a 2 year old anywhere near my office OP (my 6 year old isn’t allowed in!!) - if you want to show her your old bedroom maybe just ask if you can show her that?

The old MN adage ‘their house, their rules’ comes into play OP.

Well, people differ. I doubt if DS (13) has ever been upstairs in PIL’s house, despite DH having lived there for the first eighteen years of his life. My parents’ house is a bungalow, so different.

I’m a bit gobsmacked at this. Our Gdcs (currently 10, 9, 6) are allowed to go anywhere they like upstairs, and always have been. However they are well behaved so we know they won’t trash anything.
If for any reason we should need privacy, there are locks or bolts on bedroom and bathroom doors.

Ask if you can show your child the room in advance in case they are dumping stuff in there untidily and don’t want to show you.

Whilst it is their home, it was your home for your first 18 years of your life. If I was a second wife living in my stepchild’s childhood home, I would be inclined to always think of their former bedroom as theirs forever more, even if I was using it for something else. I would certainly encourage the grandchild to see it, even if under supervision if there were items in there that I didn’t want them to touch. Next time you visit, ask your father if your daughter can have a look upstairs. Take her but make sure she doesn’t touch anything breakable. Be respectful.

My df dipped in and out of my life and remarried without me knowing. We reconnected when I was about 11 or 12. We used to go get a pasty and go to his/their flat. Sm refused me a plate or drink.
Cups and plates my dm +df got as wedding gifts. And no I wasn't allowed in my old room either.. For years I blamed his dw.. Until it clicked my own df had stood by and allowed that treatment of his own dc...
Next time sm is out of earshot just tell your df you are showing dd your room. If he says no I wouldn't be going back.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to feel the way you do, I’m pretty sure my husband would feel the same way if his old childhood bedroom was now off limits (it isn’t, the kids play up there all the time). We intend to always have a bed for each of ours long after they’ve all grown up and moved out.

Equally, it’s your dad and his wife’s home so if they want a closed door policy and aren’t happy to have the little one running about upstairs that’s up to them.

I think any 'polite' insistence at going into rooms in homes which you do not own can absolutely be argued with.

I don't think anyone is unreasonable here; everyone in this scenario is entitled to their feelings however the OP does not have veto power on that house any longer as she no longer lives there.

YABU, I wouldn’t want a 2 year old exploring upstairs either and the fact that it sounded like you didn’t have a problem with her starting to venture upstairs would make me think you might not be going to watch her or stop her messing or touching things. I think it’s ok for little kids to have free rein but only if you have asked and only if you stay with them to supervise them.

She really won’t miss not seeing her Mums old bedroom.

People have different ideas about what's polite. You think that children can wander around a person's house with the exception of the hosts' bedroom.
I think (and your DFs new wife also thinks) that children should stay in the communal space unless they're invited to a different room by the host
Neither opinion is correct, just different. But when you're being hosted, it's polite to follow the wishes of the host

It's not your house any more. It's not your bedroom. It's her walk in wardrobe. I wouldn't want to show anyone my pile of clothes that need putting away, ironing, my laundry basket.

You do know its now a sex dungeon?