Childhood bedroom off limits?

When I first met my late husband and stayed at my in-laws for the first time, there were little ceramic plaques on the doors of what had been his bedroom and his sister's bedroom. 'John's room' and 'Jane's room'.
When my widowed MIL had to go into a care home, forty years after both her kids had left home, the plaques were still on the doors.

I was out of the country when the rest of the family cleared the house to sell it, a year or two later, but I imagine that removing those plaques would have been emotional for my SIL.

But also, wtf do you people want? A pp can’t fathom a scenario in which a family that lives an hour away from the grandparents might want to spend the night, so I suggest a few. But then you have a go at me for daring to reply? Honestly don’t know why I’m wasting my time here.

But you know it's been turned into a wardrobe and won't be like you remember "your room" anymore. I can understand that it feels like it's connected to the memory of your Mum but your childhood bedroom is something we all have to let go of at some point. My Mum redecorated mine and it became a guest bedroom as soon as I'd finished University. Your Dad might also have moved house with his new wife and left the bedroom behind. It's really not something which will impact on your 2 yo- she might have found it vaguely interesting to see it and start to absorb the idea that adults were once children, but it wouldn't have been more than that.

Thanks! 🙂
Got anything useful to add or is that your limit?

That doesn't mean you have to allow free reign in your home though. Even when I was a child living in my childhood home there were limits.

I don't have grandchildren but I imagine if I did, I could be a nice granny while keeping them out of my bedroom, the laundry room, the office and the garage. A good part of that being about their safety in those rooms. I also wouldn't allow them to wander into my adult children's rooms, as they are allowed their privacy. And I'm someone who would be very relaxed about the grandchildren and what they did.

Meh - do what you like…

Ok, you feel much more strongly about this thread than me. I’ll slowly back away…

He didn’t say any of this to her though, I believe it’s called working through feelings 😊

No, he just started this thread about how they have the audacity to close doors and are depriving his child of the chance to build a picture of the world in her mind

Neither did the OP, all good.

yes, polite. It’s okay not to want them up there and it’s not like she kicked off.

Everyone knows “oh there’s nothing of interest up there” is a polite way of saying you’re not welcome up there

Your hyperbolic leaping is quite impressive.

Different things suit different people. That’s all there is to understand.

Glad I’m not the only one who thought the latter! 😂

In other words, I’m not agreeing with you so I must be wrong. Got it.

You are jumbling together direct replies that I’ve made to other posters regarding their family relations, and my thoughts on the OP’s scenario.

Of course I wouldn’t not expect a particularly close relationship with a stepmother who came into his life only 1 year ago and who he’s probably only met a handful of times. I think it’s a difficult situation to find yourself in, and all of my friends who have experience of this have had their relationship with their parent detrimentally affected by it. I don’t know what the answer is, but I sympathise with the OPs feelings.

No, you're the one who is repeatedly claiming that if someone's family doesn't act the same as yours, there's something wrong with them. Cold. Formal. Distant. These are words you've used over and over again. There's been a passive aggressive little dig about it in practically every post you've made.

ONE TIME she suggested the toddler stay downstairs. That's it. Nobody knows why because OP didn't bother to ask.

Wow pot kettle black, what poor self awareness you have. Because you seem to have exactly the same amount of trouble comprehending that someone else’s lived experience might give them a different viewpoint on the OP’s situation to your own. I’ve given my opinion, you’ve given yours. They are allowed to be different, or do you think everyone has to agree with you?

Oh and I’m not a grandmother. My children are primary age. I’m not bragging about how lovely my parents and in-laws are because it’s not through any endeavour of my own, we don’t get to choose our family. But I do feel fortunate.

I find that really difficult to understand.

It's really important to me that my grandchildren see my home as a place where they 'belong'. There are lots of simple pleasures in being at Grandma's house, for them. Their favourite routines. Items in my house, like the stool they stand on to help me in the kitchen, are features of my home that have an importance to them somehow. They are excited to come here because it all means something to them. They belong.

And yes, one day, my little DGD gathered some flower petals from my garden, put them in a jar and without my knowledge, placed them on my bedside table 'so when you go to bed it will look pretty'.
That's one of my sweetest memories.

Not ‘just’ her house, no as it belongs to both of them. Presumably OP’s father is perfectly capable of objecting to the situation if he disagrees.

He grew up there with his parents, but dynamics change when people remarry. I’m sure it’s upsetting but fixating on how important it is for his child to see the room is misguided.

‘Evil and selfish’ ? she is using a room in her home and closing the door and doesn’t want people in there..

If you move into someone's home to live with them as a couple, you can either boot them out of half of their wardrobe space, or leave them to it and put your clothes away in an unused spare room.

I would have thought the latter was far more considerate to your partner who is actually living in the home 100% of the time. But the OP and other oddbods on here clearly think OP's dad should have lost half his wardrobe space just so OP can admire the ceiling on the occasional visit. Absolutely bizarre.

You seem to be having real trouble conceptualising a life that isn't exactly like the one you're in, and every single response you've posted has been a not-so-thinly-veiled gloat about what a great mother and grandmother you think you are.

Why do you say that she shouldn't use the old bedroom for storing clothes? It can't just be a shrine to the OP's childhhod.

I wasn’t under the impression that it was a compliment.

If it’s the case that there is always a woman ultimately pulling the strings of a man, it must have been OP’s mother that made him weakly agree to family having free rein. It rather seems like weakness only becomes something to accuse a man of, and insult him about, when he hasn’t made a decision you approve of.

That it was OP’s childhood home is irrelevant. OP is an adult that lives in his own home with his own family. He does not own, lives in, or have rights to his childhood home.

I thankfully come from a family that recognizes that not all spaces are required to be communal ones. I can’t say that I find family having free rein to be an appealing concept.

She's married and she lives there. It most certainly is her home.

She's not evil and selfish for not wanting OP's 2 year old wandering around "exploring" an unchildproofed house and going through her clothes and going into a home office. It's wasteful to leave doors open on cold weather, it lets the heat out. OP saying that her kid not being able to go wherever she wants will affect kid's bond with grandparent is ridiculous. It's unsafe to let a 2 year old wander in an unchildproofed home.

Most people I know keep their doors closed. They've been yelled at by parents for ages, the time honoured "I'm not paying to heat the outside, or the hall, shut the damn door" for leaving doors open. If OP wants to waste costly energy, they can leave their own home opened up. They don't get to dictate how their dad and his wife keep their home. Unwelcoming my ass. She's saving your dad money.

And letting a little kid in a dressing room filled with old clothes or a home office is asking for a big mess.

I think OP for some reason is over romanticizing showing their kid their old room that the kid's just going to see as a room with a bunch of clothes in it. And it provides a way to be nasty about how their dad's wife is oh so different from their wife's family and the good old days when their dad could afford to heat the hall and the outdoors.

I think OP comes off passive aggressive as hell here.