AIBU to feel hurt my friend refused a small favour?

It's using someone else's property for days every month for free storage of a large, unsightly plastic box whose contents could become litter if the box breaks. It's going to draw interest and possibly have people coming onto the property to check out what's in the box or just steal it. What if a dog pees on it?

Too bad you can't store it for OP though.

The trolley is a simple, cheap, easy solution rather than feeling entitled to use a property that isn't even her friend's property and mad because friend told her no.

OP expected her friend's parents to do something for her and got upset when friend told her no. That's entitlement. She feels she deserves the use of their property to facilitate her son's job and that's just not so.

They might not care. My elderly mum has a very large drive and family friends with autistic dc, she wouldn’t see this as a big deal at all. For some it might be, for some it isn’t.

Easy on the hyperbole asking a favour albeit an unreasonable one isn’t coercion 🙄

Easy on the hyperbole asking a favour albeit an unreasonable one isn’t coercion 🙄

I can't believe you thought was okay to pester not even a friend, but a friend's parents. If he's embarrassed by a trolley he can always haul them on his back.

You're complaining about her not saying yes immediately but she wasn’t in a position to do that when it’s not her house. YABU to ask her to ask her parents for a favour. Ask them yourself if you’re friendly with them. And when they say no, be gracious about it.

What do you expect them to do when it rains?

I wouldn’t say yes to this either, especially on someone else’s behalf.

Sadly these are the times we live in. Most friendships are just superficial with no real depth. Your post illustrates this beautifully.

You are unnecessarily rude and mean to the OP. But the trolley idea is genius.

Most leaflet delivery people round here seem to use a trolley of some kind or a rucksack worn on their front. You might be able to hold of something more like a postie cart than an old-fashioned trolley.
Your friend’s elderly parents storing things is not a solution.

If a trolley's embarrassing could he used a suitcase on wheels for the surplus and a messenger bag?

I do think you're are a bit unreasonable to be upset with your friend for not wanting to get involved. It's quite a big ask if her parents are the sort of people who appreciate their privacy. I wouldn't be keen on a friend's teenager coming up and down my driveway at random times several times a month.

What happens if he has a meltdown in their garden because the magazines get wet or damaged or stolen? What usually causes the meltdowns and does your friend know about them? Who is responsible for the magazines left on their property.

Oh yes this too absolutely, they would obsess about it!

Elderly parents may see it differently. As PPs have eloquently explained this ‘box on the driveway’ would become a huge focus and result in stress and anxiety that we can’t probably comprehend but know they don’t need. I would have absolutely said no.

This seems a very practical solution. To be honest I am very supportive of my friends but if someone asked me if their son could store stuff on my driveway during his deliveries especially if they said he had been violent it would be a no. I don’t know him and I want to be able to to get on and off my driveway when I want. I wouldn’t want to be liable if the magazines got stolen etc I appreciate other people would be fine with this but I have dogs and we are constantly in and out back gate - children over etc and I just wouldn’t want it. I used to be like - sure come over and do what you want but I went through counselling about 10 years ago that pointed out I’m a people pleaser and I’ve had to get tougher. So it would be a no here but a practical solution is get him a trolley.

If I was your friend OP, I’d feel very sympathetic to your situation and would be happy to listen and talk things through with you. I would store magazines on my own property for your son. But I would not want my parents to be involved in this arrangement.

What if the magazines are stolen from their property, or the box is damaged and the contents spoiled? Her parents would feel involved and your son would understandably need to chat with them about what’s happened. You sound confident that he wouldn’t be violent to them, but they would still be exposed to the worry and pressure of helping a stressed out young man, why would their daughter invite the potential for this into her (likely elderly) parents’ lives? I know my parents would not cope well with such a scenario.

Supporting your son must be such a lot of work and worry, but your solution to this particular problem isn’t reasonable.

Can he put them in a wheelie black sports bag or similar if a trolley is a bit cringe for him?

You should have asked her parents as it’s their house. But she knows her parents and it seems they wouldn’t want a plastic box on their drive out in the open for a few days every month. Fair enough.

I think it was unreasonable of you to ask in the circumstances,

Just get him a trolley, as handy as it would have been for you don’t involve other people in what you and your family need to do

YANBU to ask, but she / her parents are completely within their rights to say no and YABU to be upset about it. Not everyone wants a box on their drive. You need to find a different solution.

x-posted but exactly this!

also find myself wondering if anyone really wants these magazine. appreciate it's good for DS to be working, but if the parents are the sort who hate junk mail, then they'd be extra touchy about facilitating the distribution from their garden.

I didn’t suggest that’s what she was asking.
The facts remain that this is a violent man, whose violence is getting increasingly worse and hard to deal with, even for his mother who knows him very well. His decline in mental health has been triggered by work related problems. And now op is suggesting that older folk who are presumably strangers to this man allow him to use their property to store and access work material. What happens when he turns up one day and the magazines are damaged or missing? Is he going to have a violent meltdown then and if so, who will have to deal with it and bear the brunt of it?

I think with favours, it is ok to ask, but it's also ok for them to say no. People don't have to explain themselves if they don't want to.

I understand how you are trying to help your son, and it takes it's toll on you too.
Are you safe @Redman73 ?
I know it's not the topic, but I promised myself I'd always ask now, after a terrible incident that a friend suffered.

I think, maybe, you're mad about the wrong thing. You're really struggling with your son and want help, and you're seeing your friend's refusal as a denial of this help. But you're asking for the wrong help. You are asking for help managing him, placating him, trying to arrange everything just so so he doesn't get upset. I say this kindly, I spent far too many years managing and placating a mentally ill man, but other people aren't going to be happy with you outsourcing this onto them. I think you need to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. What help do you need with your son?