AIBU to feel hurt my friend refused a small favour?

Some people won't help others, sadly. I can see why you are upset.

Yes my mum would be like this, she would be talking about the box constantly

Also a random box at the end of someone’s drive near the street full of stuff..there’s people around who would open the box, damage the box, steal the box, there’s no guarantee the box with all the magazines would even be there for him to deliver

Honestly, it could be nothing to do with your son. Have you read any of the driveway disputes on here? The neighbour walks on my driveway, should I stone them to death? The neighbour swings their car across the bottom 5cm of my driveway, should I be charging them for wear and tear?

I'm not talking about people parking on someone's driveway, but it seems like Mumsnet has a breed of people who never open the door and live in fear of someone touching their driveway. Maybe your friend just knows that her parents are like this and that the mere idea would give them a conniption.

Preserve the friendship and just assume the parents are odd about their driveway.

So he can carry 120. Is this in a backpack/newspaper sack? Yes a trolley is the answer, the company may have a spare for him to use, has he asked them? I can’t see what’s embarrassing about a company trolley, shopping trolleys yes maybe, but a proper newspaper trolley is part of the job I’d have thought.

I used to do a paper round and couldn't carry all the papers at once. A trolley is definitely an answer, or if he can cycle he could have a tiny trailer.

I had one like this. Not 'embarrassing'. https://amzn.eu/d/0bRnqteQ

I wouldn't agree to your request either, sorry.

I personally think that you are being unreasonable.

There is no need for this to be put on your friend, her parents etc. As much as YOU think that this isnt an issue, it might be for your friends parents. My parents would have said yes to this but, I know that it would have played on their minds, they had health issues, brain issues etc etc (that you might not bee privy to), so if someone had asked me then i would have said no too on their behalf.

How would he keep refilling the box? Or would it be a base for the 800 magazines for him to keep going back 8 times a day to refill his bag?

A lot of people round where i live have a trolley that they put their flyers etc in and walk around with a bag and just refill their bag.

this - i would not want a load of leaflets at the end of my drive/garden.

This would absolutely have been my in laws. They would have worried about it constantly, tried to move it if it was raining, reported back to me and DH constantly if anything happened involving the box or your son no matter how minor, fretted if he moved it, fretted if any leaflets got loose. It's so hard wanting to make this happen for him, OP, I get it, but you cannot underestimate how anxious this sort of apparently minimal task can make a certain type of person.

What's wrong with you driving to meet him with more leaflets? You'd have to drive to leave the leaflets at the other house anyway, so I don't actually see the point of this.

YOU should help your child, not some other random people.

OP, there are all sorts of trolleys out there, he doesn't have to have a granny style one - although I gather they are quite popular among students for getting their shopping.

This one looks quite good for leaflets

www.amazon.co.uk/Folding-Portable-Shopping-Foldable-Easy-Grip/dp/B08963D73C?source=ps-sl-shoppingads-lpcontext&ref_=fplfs&psc=1&smid=A2C259Q0GU1WMI

Yes the box would have to big enough to hold 800 magazines, it’s not a small box.
Ok it’s only there for a few days a month but if someone (probably the OP) has to drive to put the box there and stock it up then drive back and collect the box why is it more hassle to just meet him somewhere with the magazines on the delivery day?
If he doesn’t want a trolley get him a push along/pull cart.

If the friends parents didn’t live along the route what would he do? Presumably he didn’t take the job because there would be somewhere to store magazines so just do what you would have done if there was no parents house on the route

This is what I thought too.
I would wish your son all the very best, but I wouldn't want to put my elderly mother in potentially volatile situation if the box leaked or the leaflets got otherwise disturbed or damaged and caused a problem for/with your son.

OP, how big are these leaflets? You can get foldable pull-along boxes (google pull along box) in many different sizes that don’t remotely give the “shopping trolley” vibe. As for having a box at the front of my property “a few days a month”, I’m not going to lie, I wouldn’t be keen.

The trouble with favours like this is that they have a tendency to become bigger or have unforeseen consequences. Then someone has to say 'I can't do this any more' and further hurt is caused by the retraction of the original favour.

Not saying that this would with your son, who I'm sure has the best intentions; but as an oldie like your friend's parents, I have seen it happen too many times... So 'No favours' has to become a blanket policy rather than a personal rebuff.

I've also learned to be wary of any request that includes the words 'But it would only be...' because life happens and things change.

This is a very balanced approach. I also have a son with ASD and I am definitely guilty of trying to make his life easier rather than let him figure some things out, within reason. I am trying to change this, but do get thrown by his low mood (he doesn’t have meltdowns, he’s more inclined to shut down.) But I can see that I’m possibly part of the problem. Your post is both practical and caring. I hope the OP has read it in all the sea of unhelpful, ableist comments here.

This. My parents would have been very unhappy about it .

Gawd. I worked for companies that delivered leaflets and marketing stuff before and there was a driver with the bundles and and they'd replenish the staff when they'd run out.
And give trolleys to carry things in if there's loads of it.
Maybe I was just lucky?

You were taking the piss to ask. And you are out of order to be indignant at the refusal. I can smell the entitlement from
here.

Why on earth should your friend’s elderly parents offer storage facilities on their property to a young man they don’t even know, and who, by your own account, is violent? I wouldn’t let someone like that within a mile of my elderly parents.

Your son’s leaflet round is his problem to manage, and yours if you wish to molly-coddle him. If I was your friend, I would be the one ditching YOU, you’re a CF.

small plastic box which would only need to be placed on there driveway for a few hours a day a few days a month.

The 'small' and the 'which would only need'... is you minimising because it then goes on to be 'a few hours a day a few days a month'. Which could easily be flipped without the minimising into a plastic box which will be there for several hours a day several times a month. You're downplaying it in your head because it's what you want, but someone on the other end of it is hearing that this is going to be at least a weekly intrusion into their lives that they have no control over. I find even the windowcleaner coming once a month to be a pain in the ass and that's someone I'm paying to be there for something I want to happen, but it comes around fast and is someone coming out of the blue and I suck it up to get clean windows. I wouldn't want your lad doing this way more often at random.

The suitcase solution makes loads more sense, or you going with him in car and storing the magazines for him, seeing as it's only a few hours a day a few hours a month. Or is that actually too much to ask and annoying/inconvenient for you?

It is not what people want on their driveway really - amongst other things - random nosey passers by may be curious and ''lured'' by it and come onto the property, which may bother the house owners . You can get strong plastic crates on wheels - Amazon have a few for about £20.

@Redman73 before I'd have even asked my friend for the favour, I'd have explored all the possible ways I, personally, could have supported my son.

A leaflet drop is generally local, could you meet him, part way, to replenish the booklets, without imposing on others?

It may not seem a big ask from your perspective but your friend does not hold your view, he is not her son.

Are you prepared to lose her friendship because you feel hurt?

That's your only decision here.

Seems a bit strange to ask your friend if you can when it's not even her house and she doesn't live there? 😕
Surely it's up to her parents who do!
They might have said no for any manner of reasons. Not necessarily a snub to hurt you.

My response would be ok but at own risk. If the leaflets get wet or stolen its not my problem.

For many years I worked as a Census Officer delivering and collecting census forms, which are very heavy. I dont drive so had no car to leave them in. The answer was a pull along shopping trolly. Could your son not use something like that? Or a small case on wheels if he thinks a shopping trolly is a bit mumsy.

Now you’re trying to down play it though, the box can’t be small but also contain so many leaflets that he couldn’t possible take it with him.
If it’s there for a few hours a day for several days who’s picking it up and dropping it off so many times?

Or maybe they have reasonable concerns about him potentially having an autistic meltdown on their property if something has gone wrong, such as the magazines having been stolen or damaged?