AIBU to feel hurt my friend refused a small favour?

Asking for a favor is fine
getting upset if the answer is no is what’s wrong

Asking for any sort of favour is completely unacceptable on Mumsnet. I’m sorry, OP-I think that was a completely shitty way for your friend to behave.

None of these points are relevant.

Violence is serious and people will treat it seriously.

I appreciate you are the one living with it, trying to resolve it, having to live day to day and making sure life goes on, trying to help your son. I really feel for you.

If I was your friend I would want to support you, I might make decisions to take personal risks for myself to help you with your son, or I might not. It would be my choice. What I am certain of is that I would not take the slightest risk of roping in my parents to any arrangements with your son.

If you are going to continue having supportive useful friendships its really important to face up to the reality of the situation, and the risk decisions that your friends are making.

It comes across as very strange that you are talking about box sizes and number of hours. But you are going through such a tough time, so it's not surprising that your perspective is skewed.

All the best, try to hold on to your friends.

I can not believe some of the responses on here. How heartless for them and her not to help. Not a very good friend at all.

I think you were unreasonable to ask this. It wouldn’t have even crossed my mind to ask others for help with this. You have to come up with a solution that it isn’t causing an issue for your friend or her parents. I would feel uncomfortable asking my family members to do this if I was your friend. And absolutely no, you shouldn’t have asked them as it just puts people in an awkward situation.

It’s hard not to jump in with solutions. I’m currently biting my tongue about driving lessons as DS was completely opposed to learning in an automatic. I knew he would find manual very challenging and he is but his instructor is very patient and kind so I’m rolling with it for now but he is at least recognising that it’s more challenging than he thought it would be which is usually the first step to him considering an alternative.

Your friend can't answer for her parents. Thats where the problem lies. Why didn't you ask them direct.

The friend and her parents had the right to refuse and I'm sure they had a good reason (even someone's anxiety is still a valid reason), but the majority of the responses are a little overdramatic. A plastic box by someone's front door attracting thieves and lurkers in broad daylight; rats, foxes and dogs plotting to tip the box over causing hundreds of leaflets to be strewn across the entire neighbourhood (they're actually magazines so couldn't go far but nevermind); torrential rain destroying everything... And I thought I was pessimistic!

I’d have thought very high chance of leaflets getting damp. No boxes are fully water proof. Any moisture and they’ll stick together and be ruined. Seems a bad idea likely to backfire.

Trolley is a great idea!

@Redman73 if you lived near me, your son would be welcome to store a plastic box in the corner of my drive for a day or two.
But then, I do leaflet deliveries and cannot always carry them all, so I have some understanding of the problem. Leaving them in bags under bushes or wherever is impossible, someone alwayse seems to move them. I haven't tried a trolley but some of the streets I deliver to, lugging it over unmade roads wouldn't be easy.

I disagree that this is a small favour. What if the magazines were stolen, this could end up with her parents being held liable. You're also not asking this favour of your friend, you are asking of two people you presumably don't know all that well? If I was her, I'd think it was quite cheeky of you to ask as it could put her in quite a difficult situation with her parents who she presumably feels quite responsible for. Let alone to hold it against her that she has rightly said no.

You're gobsmacked that they don't want a violent, volatile stranger to store stuff on their property? Really?

I'm sorry OP, I understand why you asked. But for their point of view they are older people and you admit your son has been violent and it's got worse recently. I 100% understand you want to get help and support for your son, but from their point of view it's a risk they don't have to take.

This favour is not your friend’s to give. I can see it’s the sort of favour that will grow - can he nip to the loo, would they take the box in if it rains, if someone takes it he’ll be knocking on their door, what if the lid comes off and the leaflets blow all over the road.
The solution is a trolley regardless of if he thinks it’s embarrassing. That’s on him and not someone else.

It’s not a small favour and you’d be unreasonable to be annoyed at your friend.
Your son has taken a job without sorting out the practicalities first and that’s for him to resolve and not your friend.

I know it’s hard but I really would try and let him sort it himself. It’s very infantilising to be an adult and have your mum saying what about this trolley or I’ve asked Julie if we can use her mums driveway etc. Micromanaging.
Being able to organise his own little job and take pride in it is very important. Obviously be there to assist if needed but he’s an adult and needs to take responsibility.

I am sorry to hear this. You have said your son is violent, and at 19, he’s not a child. Presumably your friend doesn’t want to put her parents at risk, or they don’t want to he put at risk. Her response is reasonable and you need to accept it. You’ll need to find another way. Can he use a pull along cart / trolley of some kind or spread out the work over more than one day?

You sound really arsey that people don’t agree with your idea about this box. Ultimately you want the box there so you don’t have to drive to meet him with the magazines, so you can’t really be bothered to help him but are getting annoyed at all and sundry for not helping him.
Although it still doesn’t make sense as you’ll be doing box drop offs and pick ups anyway so just drive to meet him with more magazines

I don't suppose your son is in to anything themed is he? I was just wondering if a beach type pull along trolley that's been personalised might be an option? So it's more a statement than an embarrassment? If he's artistic he could even spend a bit of time changing it up every month. I realise this might be his worst nightmare, but it was just a thought.

This.

Can your DS use a shopping trolley - the "old lady" sort? That's what leaflet deliverers around here do

My mum and stepdad would be the same. My mum frets about having neighbours parcels for more than 5 minutes never mind a box at her house.

What about this beach/camping/festival trolley, it even has drink holders and it's collapsible, so wouldn't need a lot of space to store from month to month.

Folding Camping Wagon Collapsible Beach Garden Trolley Buggy Shopping Cart 212L

Op, when you say violent, is that to himself or others? If it is to others, maybe your friends is weary?
Otherwise a box of leaflets once a month at the front of a large garden wouldn't bother me, if they were at front of property next to gate/over garden wall. I don't know the set up. Sorry, I've probably missed it.

Edited to say, if the parents have said no, it isn't your friend's fault. You don't really know what was said.

It’s not up to your friend to grant or not grant this favour, is it? It’s not her house and not her decision.

OP you're taking this too personally, we can only give our views based on the limited details that we know.

At the end of the day though the friend has said no so an alternative option is required. I'd be getting him to look at newspaper delivery trollies and seeing what is available, it doesn't have to look like an old ladies shopping trolley.

The other thing you could do is do a drop for him and just leave bagged leaflets on the pavement in quiet or slightly secluded spots for him to pick up as he goes - rather than having to be on call for when he gets to the end of his leaflets. There is a slight risk with that but worth considering, I know newsagents that do it with newspapers.

Maybe give him the two options and let him decide?