AIBU to feel hurt my friend refused a small favour?

If you left a box of leaflets on a drive in my area, someone would dump rubbish in it and someone else would set fire to it. We wouldn’t risk it!

I think you have to ask him what he thinks the solution is. To my mind he's got a couple - come home in between the deliveries (and if he can spread it out over a couple of days that would be helpful) or use a trolley. That's it.

You shouldn't be driving him. He's a grown up.

If he's high functioning, he can think of what might work for him.

This is why I never ask for favours from anyone, I don’t want to feel hurt if they say no. Ironically I’ve done favours for other people in the past but I don’t like asking personally.

Why so aggressive?

I think this is likely the issue...

He's autistic. It's not necessarily that simple.

I have 2 now adult children who are asd and (a) every person with autism is different and has different needs for support (b) many people with autism require additional support to do what other people can - it is best to look at it as "scaffolding" rather than "giving in".

I drove my daughter to and from work for years because work was extremely challenging for her - she couldn't do two buses at both ends of the day on top. That's scaffolding.

OP, has your son tried eg Shaw Trust for support in looking for work? They have schemes for yp with autism.

Why would you drive him op? It’s good from. MH point of view to be outside in daylight exercising. Even if it takes him all day and he walks several miles he’s fine to crack on he’s a physically fit 19 yr old lad.

“Autistics”???

why don’t you read the advice from other mothers of autistic children about how to develop and grow resilience and independence? You give in to his first suggestions to avoid confrontation and conflict ? It’s very unhealthy

OP. Surely you just tell your son to suck up the ‘embarrassing’ aspect. Rather than rope in your friend’s parents!

She could, but doesn’t seem to want to.

Can you not drive him?

This was my thought & think a cool looking shopping trolley is an excellent idea. Would I do this to help this autistic young man absolutely but I would respect the fact it's your friends parents & if they were to oblige everyone who wanted the use of their drive it would be an added stress to their stage of life when there is a greater risk of emergencies. Id let this one go & accept my friends decision with grace.

my child is autistic so I do get it can be difficult, but not everyone wants a plastic box on their drive. I think as well he needs to be encouraged to reconsider that a trolley is embarrasing with pointing out postmen and women have trolleys or whatever. Let him choose the trolley, decorate it with his favourite colours if you think that would help.

However, I believe you said earlier that they do know him? Sorry, I can't find the exact post... And if it's the case that they do know him, and still don't want to do it, then for whatever reason, you will have to accept it.

Even if he is only violent towards himself, bless him, it can still be distressing to witness for people who might not understand.

@Redman73

I agree with what others have said that the parents may overly worry about the box which could be why they've said no, but if that is the case then I think your friend could have said that and I am sure you would have understood.

Your question was were you unreasonable to be upset by it - and in lieu of an explanation then no, given the length and closeness of the friendship, you are not unreasonable to be upset, but honestly I would just let it go.

However, some of the responses on here really sum up how far we've fallen as a society in terms of what people are willing to do for others and the perception that even asking is some kind of cardinal sin!

There are several people that have said they may be concerned that it would escalate to him asking to use the loo or whatever.....the thought of not letting someone I have known since they were three years old use the loo at my house if they happened to be passing is just ridiculous to me.

They all come across like Catherine Tate's Nan screaming 'What a fucking liberty' at their screens before angrily bashing out a reply!

The lack of comprehension and misreading of your posts calling you angry (when you said upset) or saying they wouldn't want him in the vicinity when he will literally be in the vicinity delivering leaflets whether they store the box there or not is ridiculous!

https://www.moverx.co.uk/products/moverx-120l-folding-camping-trolley-festival-wagon

Presumably the friend's parents are in their late 70s early 80s? If so they might well get anxious about things like this.

I agree that a push along trolley would be a much better solution

Totally this.

It's the friends parents, not her I think?

@Redman73 "High functioning but needs constant support and struggles with his emotions/mental health. He is often violent and this has become particularly bad over the last six months. Things at home are tough and I am very open about this with my close friends.."

And that's the problem, right there. He might be the nicest most loving boy in the world but you've told your friend that he has meltdowns and can be violent. I know he's never violent out of the house and that he wouldn't cause her parents any trouble, but other people (no matter how close and lovely you think they are) are not going to take the risk. Especially as her parents aren't particularly young. I can just hear them saying "I'm not going to get involved with that!" Sorry OP.

It's the parents that have refused. I assume because they don't know you etc.

All this about him being agreesive etc has been blown out of proportion