AIBU to feel hurt my friend refused a small favour?

I wonder how many people who won't help, who think autistic people should just get on with it etc have seen the film "I Swear" and been totally untouched by it.

Get one of those pull a long trolleys. They are amazing. I used one for when we go on family picnics. Wouldn't be without it, surprising what you can get in it.
As other users have said, unfortunately the lady is probably worried about her parents as you have mentioned your son through no fault of his own is getting more violent. She probably didn't mean to upset you. I really hope you get this sorted.

Why? I answered her question gave an explanation of the answer and offered a solution, completely ignoring the escalating violence from her son and the potential threat he could pose to the elderly home owners which would have been harsh unlike many other posters that you haven't chosen to call out
Why is that?

Are you the parent of an autistic child, @itsthetea? I’m guessing not.

I'm in the minority but I would be slightly hurt. An autistic person having a meltdown and being violent at home is not the same as a violent person that is at risk to strangers and having a box on their drive is really quite minor.

I genuinely would be fine with doing this for even a friend of a friend or a neighbour I don't really know. In fact, I bet if you asked on a Facebook community group and explained the situation, someone would be willing to do this for him along the route. I certainly would. Obviously if I said yes and then an issue arose I'd then say sorry it's not working.

your comment is unnecessarily harsh

Same.

And older people often get much more anxious about people on the drive/property etc.

My d dad got really quite odd about checking the path and driveway and perturbed by visitors before he died.

You say your ds is unpredictable, violent etc. I think it is more than fair enough she wants to shield her parents from any of this.

You can buy hard plastic boxes on wheels. They have a long pull along handle & they are nothing like shopping trolleys. They are popular at trade shows when people are transporting piles of leaflets etc. There is nothing embarrassing about them. Equipment like this would be seen by others as part of the job & something to be proud of using.

Because most people don’t want to be asked a favour, they deal with their own lives why would they want to be roped into someone else’s problems. If op’s son has a job sort that job out within the family it’s not other people’s responsibility to ensure her child is able to do the job in the way he wants.
The type of people who think people should have no problem doing favours are the ones who need favours.

it isn’t your friends favour to give.

Exactly. So why are you angry with your friend?

I think any 18 year old would find pulling a trolley around embarrassing, its just the way they see things at that age. Friends of mine have kids who are 14-16 and they all refuse to wear coats, even in winter, because it's apparently really embarrassing to wear a coat now.

That being said, everybody has these learning curves where they need to learn to grow up and mature a little bit, and get over it if they want to earn the money they desire. I think this OPs son having ASD will make this perceived embarrassment worse, if hes anything like my brother. I think its very admirable that this young man has taken it upon himself to get a job in light of his additional needs, and I hope hes able to overcome this so he continue to be integrated into society, as it makes such a positive difference to them.

In a curtain twitching type area like where I live there would be a post on facebook about a young man loitering on an elderly couple’s drive, is he dealing drugs etc.
I don’t think it’s nasty at all to have said no. There’s so many things that could easily go awry.
It’s not stopping him doing his job by saying no.

Sounds like they don't want the responsibility of involvement and personally I'd completely accept that decision. It's not as simple as leaving it on a driveway. It may get damaged/ stolen/ vandalised or attract unwanted attention and often people justifiably don't want that risk of interference

People on here are being so nasty, no surprise there.

I would be a bit upset about this too, given they know how much you are struggling with him already and you have been their friend for a long time. I would have thought in the name of friendship (which seems dead these days) they would have said yes, even if just for now to see if it works out.

That being said, you asked a yes or no question, and they have every right to say no (which I have an inkling will be to do with their own concerns around his violent tendencies and being within close proximity to their parents, which is fair enough really). You have every right to be hurt by it but cannot hang onto that for the reason stated above. You asked, they said no, so you look for a new solution.

Somebody above mentioned getting him a trolley to take his magazines which I think is a brilliant idea. Failing that, he could perhaps get a bike with a luggage-carrier on the back and strap them to it. If youre able to, you could drive him with the magazines in the car. You could even potentially ask if a shop along the way (if there are any) could maybe keep them inside for him to go and collect? Lots of possible solutions here OP, just keep trying.

I empathise with the difficulties of having a son with ASD/any additional needs really. My son is only young but has ASD and is really quite difficult to manage. My brother has a plethora of issues and can be quite violent, moody, etc. I know it gets you down. You are trying your best and thats all you can do.

I hope you find a solution and wish him all the best with his job.

Depends what Op means by constant support. Him coming back home every 2 hours for more leaflets means job takes longer but I can’t see why it would be problematic. He’s done leaflet work before.

Wheres the aggression, the op asked if she was being a cf and I answered explaining why and offered a viable solution.
Why do you feel the need to be aggressive?

Friend asks if her 19 year old Autistic son with violent tendencies can leave some of his stuff on my parents driveway once in a while. So he can come and go as he pleases.

My response would be pretty similar to your friends. Your son is your problem, not your friends and absolutely not your friends parents. What happens if he has an issue one day and has a violent outburst with them.

Sorry, this is just one of those situations where you need to solve it without involving others.

You said he is violent I wonder if your friend is protecting her parents. Anyway you asked she perfectly allowed to say no do yabu here.

OP technically you are not asking your friend a favour, you are asking her parents....

They might be concerned about the fact that your son has displaying violent behaviour and may be reluctant to have to keep an eye on the leaflets.

You are entitled to be disappointed but I think it would be unfair to resent your friend over this.

Yeah if he's claiming the trolley is embarrassing then he doesn't deserve the job! Would he rather have a broken back?

op, as the mother of a 35 year old young man who is severely Autistic amongst many other things - with the greatest kindness I have to say that I understand why the family don’t want the box being kept on the drive. It’s not just about the box, it’s the circumstances in their entirety and all it could take is for even what seems to you like the smallest of things to happen for the couple to have a big problem to navigate.

I wish your son all the very best in his new job and from one mum to another I just want to say I understand you. 💐

Yes I would be pretty sad OP . Why are people so unhelpful these days?I hope you find a solution so your son can do the leaflet drop.X

This. It’s not their issue, and very few people want someone who can be violent around them. .

I think I'd be upset. It's not something I can't imagine doing for a friend