to worry about friend in 40s pursuing solo IVF, success stories?

It’s your business if she is wanting support, especially if that translates to childcare.

Same for any situation where it’s a choice and you see a friend doing something you don’t thinks a good idea.

I don’t approve of deliberately choosing this method to have a child. I have a few friends who are single parents, one was abandoned when PG. I actually bought her a pram as a gift but it wasn’t intentional single parenthood.

The main issue is managing her expectations. The chances of a live birth after 40, let alone 42 or more is under 5% I believe. Does she understand that she is putting a lot of money into a very low positive outcome?

I totally understand why you feel concerned OP.
I raised my son alone and it was lonely, exhausting and isolating with real financial difficulties.
And your friend is deliberately creating a child without a father, not fair at all.
I know that I will get blasted for saying my opinion but that is the purpose of this thread

Being a parent is hard! Being a single parent is very hard! I’m a single parent, not by choice. Would I rather have an easier life and no kids… no not at all. If kids are essential to you then it’s so worth how hard it is. Good for her for being brave and going for it anyway rather than spending her life wondering ‘what if’

It's not always better to be raised in an environment surrounded by family. Not all families are lovely, supportive, nurturing environments and children raised in chaotic extended family situations aren't any luckier than children raised around chosen family. I don't see any reason not to have children just because you don't have a supportive extended family setup, that would surely rule out a giant proportion of people from parenting.

I do think single parenting is hard of course - financially and logistically. But anyone can become a single parent at any point so it's not like you're setting yourself up for a stable life just because there are two parents around at the start.

I'm not sure I know anyone who will say the experience of motherhood, especially the early bit, is unanimously wonderful. Great that it was for you, but most people have a mixed bag. I'd never advocate anyone have a baby on the sole presumption they would feel it was all absolutely wonderful all the time

I mean it isn't any of your business, but yes she is mental. It's also very telling everything you have written is all about her, you haven't even thought about the impact on the actual child being raised without a father and no family around. It'd be a pretty sad childhood (and yes women do end up single parents, but it isn't the ideal stable upbringing you'd chose for your child). She'd be better off getting a dog, cute, cuddly and a lovely companion.

Is she using her own eggs? If she is her chances of success are slim in any case.

I'm a single parent by choice, it hasn't always been easy but what parenting is? Your friend's set up sounds quite similar to mine in a lot of ways, and freelancing is actually ideal as a parent. She'll be fine, it has worked out for me, yes I've had to make alterations to my life but who doesn't? And to be frank, seeing some of the posts about useless fathers/husbands on here I think I have it easy compared to a lot of mums in couples.

I think the majority of people on that board are (probably) single NOT by choice which is a very different situation to walking into this deliberately.

I know several people who were single parents by choice. I think putting in this amount of effort and focus on doing something means you have absolutely committed - financially, logistically, emotionally. Most clinics require some sort of counselling anyway. I would put aside your judgement and just be supportive.

Anecdotally my mum has a friend who had two kids on her own via IVF in her 40s and they have a fabulous life. She is so grateful to have had the opportunity to create her own family and really enjoys it.

(I live in Edinburgh and it's a wonderful place to have children. She'll find loads of community around her and there are amazing opportunities for kids here)

Its not really your circus or your monkeys.

The things you are concerned about aren’t red flags or serious worries, they are literally just none of your business. A grown adult woman, with her own job and life is going to try for a baby, she will handle whatever comes after that and be fine. Your job is to back off, or be her friend, which doesn’t involve judging her choices.

She’ll be fine, women have been having babies since the dawn of time

I have no experience but can confirm you are bu to assume she hadn't actually given this thought and is just a silly single woman assuming motherhood is all giggles and daisies.

Have you actually talked to her? Do you generally think she's a bit dim?

I think you keep your neb out! How offensive to your friend that you seem to think she's entirely clueless about the realities of a newborn. You do realise the IVF clinic don't just hand out procedures like they're sweeties don't you? There'll be counselling involved etc..

I think you should mind your own business!

I honestly just think this is none of your business and I couldn’t imagine a ‘friend’ post about about my life choices on the internet!