to worry about friend in 40s pursuing solo IVF, success stories?

Glad to hear you and your child are happy and supported. I am sure there are many with positive stories to tell.
However, equally, there are those who don't and the crucial factor is that some children don't even know who their biological father is which is a fundamental right.
Society is quick to vilify absent fathers whilst in reality, having a child with a sperm donor is effectively reducing the role of the father to just that, a sperm donor.
Happy families come in all shapes and sizes but children have 2 biological parents and they have a right to know who they are, irrespective of circumstances

Not good at all and very unfair on the child

She’ll have a much better time than mums who are coparentinf with abusive High conflict men. I’m sure she’s thought it all through. Just Channel your worrying into going round with food and chore help when baby arrives. She may even be able to keep her lodger as baby will be in her room for the first three years probably. She’ll also probably get universal credit

She’s really not the worrying type! But they are in a position that they’ll never have to worry about getting a job or paying a mortgage, so I imagine that takes much of the pressure off!
She has several siblings who all have kids, so they will have “family” although I don’t personally think that replaces an actual father.

@Bulbsbulbsbulbs I know someone who has done the same and her whole life is her son, but as he is getting older and wants to break away she is struggling and discouraging him from going away to university. It’s always been just the two of them and she hasn’t prepared for a life without him being around all the time or a life when he may get partner

My friend did this and had a baby when she was 45. She is also freelance. She's made it work, she adores her son. They do everything together, they go away on holiday every school holiday.

For me the big caveat is that what will she do when he leaves home? She had just met someone just before IVF and had to choose him or continuing with IVF as obviously the man wasn't ready to commit to fatherhood after a 6 week relationship. She would have no time for a relationship now and I honestly think she loves spending all her time with her son.

The thing is NONE of us know the realities of parenting before we go into it, so her naivety is where we all once were pre kids! Obviously yes it's going to be harder doing it solo, with little family support, but you say she's gr at at making friends and putting herself out there, and that was really the most grounding thing for me when I became a parent. All the other mums I met at baby and toddler groups, became my village and my support network. If she can find people to connect with, the whole parting thing becomes a lot easier. She probably desperately wants this, so just be as supportive as you can, as we all know how tough it can be at times. Yes, she'll probably have moments of "why did I do this" like we all do, but becoming a mum is so important to those who want it, which it sounds like she absolutely does to be considering this option. Probably better considered than a vast number of unplanned pregnancies, where everything turns out fine in the end.

I was a single parent of 2 very young children for many years.I had no family help. It is hard. It would be a lie to say it isn't but, just because something is hard doesn't mean you cant/ shouldn't do it . Learning to play the piano to concert level , impossible for me. Bringing up 2 small boys on my own entirely possible. They're 31and 33 now, married with small boys of their own who I look after on a Monday. Your friend is a 40 year old woman. Let her sort it out for herself.

Does she know the sperm donor?

Not your decision OP but FWIW my niece did this age 40 and is very happy. She managed to take a year's maternity leave with UC , savings and mat pay. Sorted a good nursery. Lives a long way from family but her parents travel regularly to spend a few days with them. Working 4 days a week and managing. She lives frugally in a 2 bed flat and regrets nothing.

Honestly that's not helpful and frankly not fair. I worked in a disability team and the dedication and hard work that went into finding and sustaining support for people was inspiring.
You might as well say don't ever go to the GP because of Dr's who get thrown out of the BMA or never ever vote because of Donald Trump

A work colleague has her child from a donor and is very content. She had been pondering about this for quite a few years. As she didn´t settle with anyone she went it alone and it worked for them, her and her son. Lovely kid. Perfectly happy.
I had mine with a partner, and for various reasons sometimes wish I had had her on my own. On your own you depend on yourself, nobody disappoints you or leaves you hanging.

It realistically gives her a ton more choices.
Not all professional carers are evil abusers or lazy takers.

No, but I bet knowing she can set up a financial trust to provide them with the care she chooses is less worrying than knowing they'll be left to the state to do with as they see fit.

Well yes, it's a bit of a slog and you do lose independence. But like, it doesn't take much to figure out that's going to be the case. Especially choosing to do it alone. Do you really think she hasn't thought about it? If you, as someone who's not got kids can work it out, do you not think someone going through a hard, expensive process to conceive would have thought it through?
She hasn't just gone out and got laid on a Friday and night and announced "oops but I'm sure it's easy!"

You're not obliged to offer more than you're happy to give op. This IS her choice and it oobligates no one to do anything they don't want to do.

Success rates will depend on whether she’s using her own eggs or donor eggs. If donor eggs, success will be higher but the child won’t have a genetic mother or father in their life.

a support network is crucial for mental health. There’s usually lots of baby groups and socials for new Mums which is invaluable. She’ll need someone to bring round meals and just be there for her while she has a newborn.

Does her being fabulously wealthy stop her worrying about what will happen to her children when she is no longer around?

I know someone who did this - think she was about 41, had two from the same donor in two years. She is fabulously wealthy though, had a full time nanny etc. Both kids however are autistic and now attend a specialist school, which is fortunate that she can afford it! She seems happy enough whenever I bump into her, not sure it’d be the same story if she didn’t have pots of money though!

That's an enormous generalization. I'm a single parent with no father in the picture, my child is extremely happy, we have a lovely home, financially stable, activities, friends, a really close relationship, he's doing brilliantly at school and I can assure you is not having a 'sad childhood'. In fact he's a lot happier and more stable than many of his peers with parents arguing. We do have family around as I have moved to be close to them, but OP's friend might also well choose to do down the line, if she feels their support network isn't sufficient.

Can you link to those figures? They don’t seem right. Maybe per cycle, but if she can afford multiple cycles her chances are better. Don’t think OP has specified if she’s using her own eggs either. Not that it’s OPs job to manager her friends expectations anyway

I have a friend who is a SMC and a whole bunch of friends that are single mothers not by choice… the SMC has coped far better. I think it’s because they went into it knowing they were doing this solo, whereas my ‘not by choice’ friends expected to be a family unit, to have help, to deal with the less than amicable separation, the custody arrangements that dwindle when the ex remarried and had a new family, or consoling a child after their father chose drugs over family life. Obviously not true for all cases, I have many happily single or remarried friends but my point stands.
Is SMC the ideal set up for a child? Maybe, maybe not. But there’s a lot of judgement on this thread, suggesting that people should only have children if they are in a perfect heterosexual, financially stable situation with a large extended family that is full of people ready and willing to be your village - it’s a slippery slope. Do you suggest to poor people that they shouldn’t have children? No to homosexual couples? If you’re pregnant but not in the ideal situation should you abort or give your child to a “perfect family” because clearly they’d raise it better? And the suggestion of just getting a dog, like it’s the same as having a child is, quite frankly, ridiculous.

OP, I'm sure you mean well but that's pretty patronising. Your friend is an intelligent independent woman who has her own business and her own home. It is not likely that she has failed to consider how she will feed her family or put a roof over their head. She has probably spent 20 years searching for a decent man with whom to have dcs, recognised the time limitations and chosen to go it alone after a lot of thought. Everyone starts out not knowing the reality of motherhood, but being a mature competent adult will get her through, just as it does for all of us.
Be supportive but don't make assumptions about her abilities. She will prove you wrong.

I too am a single mum and have enjoyed every stage. I have very little support but haven't needed it. DS will go to uni in September and I'll manage that too. In many ways parenthood is easier without a man around.

I genuinely love being a single parent. My partner left when my dd was a baby and she doesn’t see him much. I’m so much happier she’s being raised in a loving family of two rather than an unhappy, toxic family of 3 with her dad. I much prefer my life post dd than pre dd. I’m not prevented from doing anything wildly different than I would before I had her. We go on days out with my friends & their kids, we socialise with people, go for lunch, walks, holidays. All stuff I did before. We have an extremely close bond and I genuinely love her company. I can’t say it’s never been tough but the good times outweigh the bad a million percent. And despite not seeing her dad that much, she has a good relationship with him. She’s loved, appreciated and gets all my attention.

She’s a 40-something year old woman! Do you really think she’s so naive that she wouldn’t have considered all the realities of having a baby? And it’s common practice for clinics to implant two embryos in older women (although usually not with the intention of having twins, more in the hope that at least one will stick) but twins does happen sometimes. I ended up being a single parent of a baby when my partner left me, with no family support, so I hadn’t even planned for that life, but we were absolutely fine. It was hard at times but I got through it because I didn’t have a choice. I mean, yeah it’s hard, but it’s not THAT hard. The bond and love you have for your baby gets you through and it’s only the first 2 or 3 years that are really tough, once they’re in pre-school or school life gets easier, so you always have that light at the end of the tunnel. I’d quit worrying and start being a supportive friend