To think all these mothers bragging about working full time are just using their own mothers as unpaid childcare?

Its not right that people called you lazy for having a kid at 16. They are dickheads. Don't join in by pointing the finger at people who you think have it easier, as everyone has their troubles in this life. Just do the best you can with the hand you're dealt, and love your kids. That's all that matters.

I have met lots of people who would disapprove of 16 year old mums.

But in truth, it’s not usually about whether they work or not.

I would assume much of the prejudice you faced wasn’t about unemployment, as many (many) 16 year olds don’t work - it will have been more likely about your age.

Have you seen the amount of whinging on here about grandparents not babysitting?.😂

NRTFT

Bit of a generalisation! We’ve never had childcare from any family and both work full time.
we had to factor in nursery costs when planning when to try for our kids.

Thats not what you said though? I can believe there are some people who look down on young mums.

But you said 9/10 mums who work have free childcare from grandparents. I can guarantee you that is not the case.

And I have spent tens of thousands of pounds on childcare and been judged for it for years so it kind of pisses me off that you’re suggesting its an easy option.

You're chatting a world of shit OP. I know zero people in the UK who have a grandparent doing any childcare. A handful of pals back in ireland have a day of care a week from parents but they're in the minority. Where do you live?

I think it's more the fact you're frothing at the mouth over something that happened when you were a teenager. Most of us have grown up and dealt with it by the time we're adults.

I believe you. Young mums are judged, older mums are judged, women who work full time are judged, as are women who don't. You seem to be joining in with the judginess though, by judging those who have help from their family. In any case, you are wrong. As has been pointed out upthread, 63% use paid childcare, not 10% as you suggested.

Of course there are. Mums are judged no matter who we are. We’re judged for being too young, being too old, working, being a stay at home parent, being a single mum, only having 1 child, having too many children, being in a same sex relationship, the list goes on and on.

That is not my experience. My children’s school offer after school care the same hours as their nursery offered - up until 6pm.

I don’t know anyone isn’t using some kind of similar service.

The same applies to school holidays.

I don’t think grandparents help out with this kind of childcare half as much as people claim or think they do.

Children grow out of nursery and after that, it's actually much harder to find wraparound care. It's a lottery.

It is my experience too. However, I'm an old mum , not like you. I had my children late. They're 10 and 6 now, and although we use paid childcare, it's after school clubs until 4.30 p., and there's really nothing else around. There are two childminders in the area, and they're always full. We're lucky my husband works from home and I finish work at 4 pm at the latest (supply teacher). We'd never manage with the school holidays as we'd spend a lot of money, and the kids would hate it. One of my children is autistic and believe me,we tried, but he's so anxious that clubs have been an awful experience for him. Most mums I know around us use a mixture of paid care, wfh and family. We don't have the luxury of having family helping out so here we are. Don't feel shit, you've got it hard. Good luck.

So who are these people who are directly judging you and telling you directly “I am better than you because I work”? @Ruddeo

The reason people are saying you still sound quite young is that you appear to have little understanding of the challenges mothers of all ages face, not just mothers who were pregnant in their teenage years.

You also don’t seem to realise that you have absolutely no idea what is going on in other families and so you have no right to make comments about their childcare arrangements

I’m sure you would say that people wouldn’t understand what it is like to be a teenager mother if they haven’t experienced it. That works both ways.

Yes most use childcare op we did. My friend is so good minds gd 4 days. Called on again for gym. Think its easy when you have one though. If you 2 or 3 its too much for people. We always had creches

Reminds me of motherland when Meg says ‘my mothers load is literally my mothers load’ 😆

in reality most people I know use paid childcare, or a mixture.

I’m assuming that the thread has perhaps moved on, but I don’t know anyone whose parents are providing this kind of childcare. Every working mum I know has their child in nursery. My own children were in nursery full time to enable me to work.

I’m sure this will somehow be a controversial take, but I wouldn’t have had a child at 16.

As it stands, I’m 36 with a severely disabled 9 year old, no real access to out of school childcare, and elderly grandparents.

I am unsure what this social life OP speaks of is.

“all”…no
”some”…yes

Source…me, my parents live 200 miles away, both in laws are dead, one of which when youngest was a baby.

I’m hearing people who also had kids young basically saying they’re better than me because they worked full time and raised a baby at 16 and I didn’t work. Then you scratch beneath the surface and they had their own mum doing all the babysitting so they could work

Firstly I seriously doubt anyone has ever said they are "better than you" because they work.

I work FT and until recently was a single parent. Have never had an hour of childcare unpaid in my life (other than via sleepovers with friends). A good half dozen of my friends are also single parents who work FT. Childcare is essential to them to enable them to work.

Honestly I find your post ignorant and offensive.

100%

If you wanted to, you could get a full time job and pay for childcare. Either you earn enough through your part time work, or there are other reasons you choose not to. That's ok, those are your choices. I don't begrudge your choices, so why begrudge mine?

You got called immature for your claim that ‘9 times out of 10’ women with FT jobs and active social lives were doing so ‘off the back of some exhausted grandma’, and by continuing to assert this, despite all evidence to the contrary. It’s clear that you feel bad about your own life for some reason, but own that. Don’t slam other people on no evidence. Your decisions are your decisions.

I think you are feeling behind because of your circumstances but you can only run your own race. My parents paid for my youngest sister to do her lessons and test at 17. Meanwhile u couldn't afford it until I was qualified in my job at 25. We passed within weeks of each other, her first and my dad sent me a gloating message about how she'd beaten me to it.

Not her fault our parents had golden children and scapegoats. Not at all. Life throws shit at people. You have to have a wee rage, give your head a wobble and run your own race