To think all these mothers bragging about working full time are just using their own mothers as unpaid childcare?

It's very area dependent.

Areas with high paying graduate careers - then it near all paid childcare fulltime.

Other areas in often mixed paid/family- if family are around to help.

I was constantly ciritised by MIL for not working and she pointed out all those who managed every time they had huge amounts of family help. Thing was years later including sister they "forget" how much help they had and rewrite history then yes I did find they look down on others who either had to use paid or were SAHP.

If someone is a young mum how much babysitting are they even getting?

Their mum (gran) is likely to be working themselves?

I’m not a young mum, but my mum was and dropped her working hours in part, to look after my kids 1 day a week so I can work - shoot me.

If someone is a young mum how much babysitting are they even getting?

Their mum (gran) is likely to be working themselves?

I’m not a young mum, but my mum was and dropped her working hours in part, to look after my kids 1 day a week so I can work - shoot me.

If someone is a young mum how much babysitting are they even getting?

Their mum (gran) is likely to be working themselves?

I’m not a young mum, but my mum was and dropped her working hours in part, to look after my kids 1 day a week so I can work - shoot me.

Maybe people would be more amenable to you slagging off FT working mothers who are net contributors if
a. You had a valid point
b. you were a net contributor yourself

Instead you've come on here shouting the odds when the very woman you want to criticise are funding your (questionable) life choices....

@Ruddeo

I don't know ANYone who uses their mother as a full time childminder. Not a single person.

Sounds like you are projecting MASSIVELY, and you sound a bit jealous, and as a few posters have said, you have a massive chip on your shoulder. Where on EARTH are you getting this 9 out of 10 figure from?! 9 out 10 working mothers use their mother as the childminder for their children FREE OF CHARGE? WTAF?! 😆

I have no idea where you live, but this does NOT happen where I come from.

YABVU. This thread is proving you are very wrong.

Most of the people I know that work full time have a bit of an entourage of family around them. I work two days and have no family help. Plus a mum with dementia. Yes I still feel like I am looked down on a bit for not working more hours.

If someone is a young mum how much babysitting are they even getting?

Their mum (gran) is likely to be working themselves?

not a young mum, but my mum was and looks after my kids 1 day a week so I can work - shoot me.

My mum lives 3hrs away and MIL 7hrs away so we only ever used paid childcare. It wasn’t much fun for anyone but we made it work.

I'm sure you feel judged for having a baby at 16 and having to go onto UC. I wouldn't normally like to judge someone for that but as you're going around judging other people... at least those women are supporting their dc financially, and the arrangements between them and their mothers are none of your business.

If you read the OP's updates, one of the purposes of this thread was to help a younger women in similar position.
It took Ruddeo some time to understand that people around her who made her feel lesser than weren't really better, they just had better options, and she wanted to share it here.

Unfortunately, this intention got derailed by women from totally different bubbles being defensive about the 9/10.

Well I think it’s ridiculous that people are prioritised for social housing because they have children and they never had the means to support the child when they conceived them. At least the people using grandparents for childcare aren’t draining resources (and no, I don’t have any family support. I work from home to facilitate my own childcare).
Some people might think you ‘lucked out’ by being able to a raise a child whilst not having to worry about work.

Who ‘brags’ about working full time ? I have literally never heard anyone do that.
Similar to some other posters, my
mother had passed away several years before I had my first child. My husband’s mother lived a hundred miles away. We used paid nursery for our pre-school children, same as all the other working mums I knew back then. The whole thing was a massive struggle and daily stress but for me, staying in employment was very important to me so we
got through it. I don’t recall any bragging, quite the opposite.

This was years ago. Why are you still upset about it? People can say whatever they like. Unless you had your child to get out of working, I don't see how anything they say applies to you in any way.

school nurseries finish at3. Most private nurseries are 7am -6pm. I have paid full time nursery fees without any funding (the 30 hours free funding just came in for the last year of paid childcare for my final child.) I have paid over £1000 a month for childcare whilst working full time. I haven't had any grandparent help. I might know a couple of people whose parents help out with a daybut most do it by themselves. I have one friend who works 4 days per week and each of her nanas do 2 daysshe is truly the exception tho. I think its more like 1/10 have help

Yeah, those 9/10 was an over simplification. I wouldn't be surprised thought if 9/10 of those judging mums like the OP while boasting about themselves working actually had significant grandparental help.
Women who manage everything themselves understand too well how the choices work and why someone with the job options of a normal 16yo wouldn't make the same choices.

OK, 63% use some form of paid childcare - it doesn't say they don't have a relevant family help at the same time. Many combine a few days paid and a few days in family, a few hours in the afternoon a few times a week, or just backup pickups, all of which just isn't available for everyone. Which is nothing against those lucky enough, but it changes when they look down at someone who made different choices while the same choices weren't even available for them.

Anyone whose parents paid for lessons at 17 going around and explaining that it is soo essential and how standard it is without realising that they wouldn't have been able to do it without their parent's money is part of the problem this thread was supposed to be about.

I don’t know anybody who doesn’t use paid childcare the majority of the time.

Where are you meeting so many people who are expressing such opinions and under what circumstances?

How were you paying your rent and raising a child at 16 if you were not working?

The working women are paying taxes to fund those on benefits (which I would assume applies to you unless you were living with family and then that in itself could be seen as getting support?)

My experience is full time working mums get more criticism than those who work part time or stay home. This may change a bit once kids are school aged tbf but working full time with kids is never talked about positively where I live (other than re. income, but there’s always a caveat re. never seeing kids etc).

At my workplace I got mainly gasps when i said i was coming back full time. Everyone else I know with young kids dropped their hours. I paid nursery for 3 days and was prepared to pay 5, but at the grandparents (on husbands side, none on mine left) insistence we let them have two days at first which has been scaled back to 1 every other week as wfh has helped me out a bit. The grandparent help is appreciated but it is all on their terms and sometimes I wished I’d kept childcare out with family, as it can bring other issues.

Erm.....where is my tired exhausted Grandma behind the scenes....she appears to have been MIA for the last 16 years?

Maybe as the people who are saying it are actually at work at the time so don't see this???

Maybe it's the area that you live in that the grandparents don't need to work. Many do. I could be a great grandma by the time I reach retirement age

How old are you now @Ruddeo ?