To think all these mothers bragging about working full time are just using their own mothers as unpaid childcare?

Ive come across a few of these

I have read OP's updates and she uses a lot of emotive language which suggests she has in no way processed her experiences or in a position to help and encourage others to do the same.

If a woman has a baby when she's a teenager there is an extremely high chance that their mum isn't yet retired, so won't be able to take on childcare 5 days a week. I think it's a tiny percentage of mums who (a) have babies before they are 18 and (b) have mums of their own who are available for childcare 5 days per week.

The majority of working mums aren’t teenagers though! Even if all teen mums have their mum doing childcare that’s still only a small proportion of mothers.

People in the most senior roles in my experience have either not had children, had family help so they could stay as needed and travel beyond nursery and wraparound hours, or employed a nanny or au pair. It certainly helps if you can get something for free or have money you can use to start with to afford an extra room, but you'll make yourself miserable comparing. I have to work full time now but honestly I've always wanted to spend a significant amount of time each day with my children before bed ,and although it's not been the best decision financially, I don't regret it.

No that is only your experience. Our families are no where near us so we have had ZERO help from family.

If I look at my kids ten closest friends only a few get regular help.

Your generalisation is wrong. And while we are at it if there are five nurseries in our town all of them close after five.

I don’t know any stay at home mums. All of them work full time and use paid care.

Of course raising children and working longer hours is much easier and more affordable if you have free childcare from immediate family. Of course people who have parents to pay for their childcare/school fees/holidays, etc have things much easier than those who don't. Ditto those with emotionally supportive, present grandparents or other family members. Life is not 'fair' though and some people are just luckier and have these advantages while others do not. Some people are also insensitive to others who don't have these advantages.

All you can do ,@Ruddeo is ignore these people who apparently brag or try to make you feel inadequate. Work on your self esteem and try to forget about the comments.

There's a lot here that's hard to stomach. I don't really believe the majority of working mums are bragging, my experience was that it was a choice driven by necessity of not being able to afford to stay at home. My experience was being subject to "won't you regret missing this time with them" when of course I bloody well did! I also don't believe many nurseriea (except school nurseries) are closing at 3.

What I think is that we currently live in a society where women feel trapping (in working or not working) when they might have chosen differently, if they had the option. And that creates resentment, whichever way round it is.

Having a family member provide childcare doesn't diminish how hard the mum works though! If a mum is working full time, then she's working hard, whether she's paying for the childcare or has GPs who help! I am out of the house at 8 every morning, get home at 6.30 every evening, it's knackering! And it would be just as knackering if my mum was doing wraparound instead of paid for child care!

Me too, I very much regret spoiling my children with such things. I’ve made a rod for my own back! /s

Err. no. Single mum (now), never lived in the same country as my parents since having kids.

I can't talk about having one at 16, as I had mine past 30 - but no.. I burn myself out, not my mother.

I'm a single parent and about to get divorced. I've done one year of part time (80%) after returning from maternity leave. I'm about to switch back to full time. My kids are in nursery and wrap-around care (and no, their father does not contribute financially to that...). My DP are on hand in case of an emergency, yes, but they certainly aren't being used for general childcare.
Ridiculous.

If your job doesn't work in terms of timings, it might be an idea to change jobs.

Grandma helping out for a few hours is nothing like your opening theory that women worked off the back of their exhausted slaving mother 7 days a week.

full time mum here currently home with an ill 4yo , we pay for long day care 5 days a week and after school care for our older children.

I might be focussing on the wrong point here but if one did want to brag about driving at 17 (which is a very strange brag as that’s the legal age to start driving - that’s like bragging about starting school at age 4), I don’t see how parents paying for the lessons takes away from the brag?

Nurseries finishing at 3?! Presumably these are school nurseries? Every private nursery I’ve ever heard of finishes at 6pm or later.

A lot of us use paid childcare and have never had any help from our parents. The most mine have ever done is one hour’s babysitting in ten years.

How does bragging about working full time go? I’m not sure how to show off about that. If anything I think it would seem more of a flex to be a lady of leisure, going to get my hair and nails done or reading books all day while the rest of the world works away.

Kindly, it sounds like you are bitter that people have help and have perceived that as 9/10 of them boasting.

Some people of course will judge your situation but you are judging them very disparagingly too.

No different to people who brag about driving since they were 17 and don’t tell you mummy and daddy paid for every lesson and the car too

Good lord, what a chip you are carrying. I would assume people don’t think to add this to the conversation as it’s not deemed relevant. I’ve been driving with full license since 16yo (am several decades old and age limit where I am used to be 15yo for learning and 16yo to be able to do test and get license), but would never think to add ‘and mummy and daddy paid for my lessons, and I got an old car of theirs’. How utterly weird. Similarly, I don’t think any of my kids would ever add this if talking about driving as it’s the most common scenario, so why would you specify it?

OP said "9/10 times there's a tired, exhausted grandma who just wants some rest" She didn't say "9/10 times women have some help from family."

If you read the OP properly, she wasn't actually "calling out" the "privilege" of having family help 🙄. She wasn't saying she thinks 9/10 women in full time work have some help from grandma, she was implying in 9/10 cases grandma does all the childcare unpaid. I think that assertion is incorrect, most working parents aren't expecting their exhausted mothers to do full time childcare and then bragging about being in full time work. OP likely just has the misfortune of unpleasant friends.

Part of my point was that while DM did offer help, I was also conscious of the level of that help being reasonable and manageable. I didn't want her to become a tired, exhausted grandma who might eventually resent it or feel tied and unable to enjoy her retirement. DM has certainly seen some of her friends commit to extensive childcare responsibilities and then regret it later.

I do think it would be fair to say a good number of working families have some help to some degree. I think situations where families use a mixture of paid childcare and family are probably more common. And in my own situation, we'd have paid for childcare if there was no help, I'd still have gone back FT because by the time DC were in school, we were better off even with paid childcare. But I suppose you could also argue that still being married/with your child's father is "privilege" because you can share school runs between you. If people are determined to feel hard done by and resent others, they'll find a hook to hang it on.

Read the OP properly before you post calling out others for their "privilege".

To be fair, I disagree with OP that 9/10 working mothers have help from mothers/MIL but these sort of comments aren’t helping - having DM ‘help with school pick ups a couple of days a week’ and ‘making tea’ are exactly the kind of privilege OP is calling out. For those of us who don’t have that help ‘a couple of days a week’ even if only for pick up, is the difference between working full time and part time. So I agree there is a lot of unpaid ‘help’ behind the scenes on MN that women generally don’t want to admit to, which is probably part of the reason people like OP feel hard done by.

Edited to say I’m not suggesting the poster I’ve quoted is hiding behind the scenes as they are being honest about the help they’ve received from their mum but I think the expectation that it’s normal to have help with pick ups/tea “a couple of days a week” is what is actually fuelling this debate between mums.

I've always worked full-time, and I've always paid for childcare. I can assure you that I'm not bragging about working full-time; I would much prefer being independently wealthy. Foolishly, I got my children used to things like food and a home and clothes, which necessitate me working full-time.

I’ve never actually heard someone bragging about driving, just like I’ve never actually heard someone bragging about working full time. Those are really strange things to brag about.

It’s something you see a lot on here. Not so much bragging but expressing horror that people can’t drive by their twenties. They don’t countenance that some people (lots actually) have parents who couldn’t afford to pay for driving lessons.

I genuinely don't know anyone who has grandparents doing full time childcare and I don't know a single kid that hasn't been to some form of paid childcare, including my own kids and I'm a SAHM.

YABU