To think all these mothers bragging about working full time are just using their own mothers as unpaid childcare?

Yet people say the being a SAHM is so wonderful lol.

Honestly on this site no matter what people do it will be considered wrong.

no one is bragging about working full time, we’re all too tired. Maybe don’t be so sensitive to what (your perceive) other people think about you

Only 45% of mothers are in full time employment?

What a depressing statistic.

Considering around 65% of grandparents provide childcare, 45% of mothers work full time and 25% arent employed at all your social group doesnt reflect the general norm.
I dont see what you think is restrictive about people having different family set ups depending on what works for them?

Universal credit if you must know and you can laugh if you want but I’ve learnt half the people laughing and saying they went back to work when their baby was a few months old just left the baby with their mum. Young mums I’m talking about here who didn’t have great careers that could pay for a childminder or a driving licence

There’s something not ringing true about this.
Firstly, it’s a world of young mums, which is not exactly the demographic of today, then it’s a case of all of these young mums, apart from OP, have their mums looking after their kids. But OP is talking about 16yo’s having babies (which seems rampant in their world), but irrespective, let’s just say a bunch of 20yo’s. That would make their mums around 55yo, and yet all these 55yo women are retired and so free to look after grandkids? I’m older than 55 years, and don’t know of any women 55yo who are retired! Are all these women giving up work to look after grandkids?

Having said this, I do have a friend (male) mid-60’s who retired to look after grandkid to help his child out, he just basically used it as a retirement excuse as was jack of things at the time. That lasted less than 6 months. He was then back at work and paid for a full time nanny instead and now does some ‘fun grandad stuff’ with toddler on weekend instead😂😂😂.

Also amazes me on Mumsnet that everyone in such scenario’s lives near parents for them to help with childcare. We only had 1 lot of friends that had parents anywhere near, otherwise most people’s parents were either in a different country, or several hours travel away. How many people find work locally so they can live around the corner from parents!

I think this boils down to the two golden rules doesn't it?

Life isn't fair

People are jerks

Having a baby at 30 when I already had a career was tough. Having a baby at 16 when you're likely to be at the bottom of the career ladder was always going to be insanely tough. I don't think wasting energy on what other people are bragging about will help you at all.

There we might also apply some more sayings like "you've made your bed, now you must lie in it" or "Nothing lasts forever" or "there will always be people better and worse off than you" because you really just need to ignore this shit and get on with your own life.

Parents or childminders or au pairs or the school's breakfast and after school club, I assume, I haven't actually interviewed everyone who attended DS's primary. I was talking about women I know personally. All work FT. None lives close to parents. All rely on paid childcare when needed.

I think that Mners who find this so incredibly must lead very restricted lives. Women working is really not unusual. People moving away from their parents is very usual. People whose parents are still working FT themselves, or unable or unwilling to do childcare, are also common. I mean, all of both our families lived in another country to the one we were living in when we had DS. Also not terribly unusual.

Their mothers? Why not their fathers?

Most of the people I know with preschool age kids have both parents still working.

It's not unreasonable to delay parenthood until you know you can afford childcare, have a job that fits in with whatever the plan is for childcare etc. It's what most people do.

Well as someone who did learn until late 20’s (because I never had a need) I never had anyone brag to me so I just find it odd tbh…

Never had a single day of childcare from grandparents. Always worked full time. Nursery was open 7.30-6.30. Holiday club was open 8am to 6pm. It was tough on me, tough on the kids and bloody expensive but it was possible to do a full time job and I honestly had no choice but to do a full time job.

I agree it would have been much easier, nicer and cheaper to have had some help from grandparents but some of us just don't have that.

I'm not "bragging" about working FT either. I the same way you feel people have made you feel lazy for not working FT, I've heard it all about how "damaging" it is to "dump" my kids in FT nursery and how i was "selfish to prioritise a career" and not "make sacrifices" blah blah. You just have to toughen up and not listen to people flapping their gums about it.

Every woman you know works full time and none use grandparents? Who is doing all the school pick up and drop offs? I find it hard to imagine that there is an entire school where its entirely either childminders or all children in before and after school clubs? Or even the majority who are.

Eh? My mother lives 2000km away and DH's has passed when he was a child. I was living in London when the children were small and none of the ft working mums friends had family nearby to help.

I paid for my own too.

I was 22 when I passed, paid for out of my wages from part and then full time work.

Not everyone has parents paying for driving lessons Neither my brothers or I did. Nor the greatest majority of our friends That's what jobs were to pay for.

You must know a lot of incredibly dense and limited people, if their conversation consists, as you suggest, of telling you they work full-time and can drive, in between calling you 'a lazy piece of shit'. I mean, it's hardly the Algonquin Round Table, is it?

Totally agree! I've never encountered this issue at all.

Full time nursery for my two. Nearest grandparents over two hours away. Only twice in their childhood did a grandparent have them on their own for one night!

I literally used to weep driving to work when I calculated nursery fees/ car costs and my actual take home pay. That was my decision though and I hope I didn't 'brag'.

I’m beginning to wonder why you know so many awful people.

So many problems on MN would be solved by simply getting better friends.

I guess that varies from case to case!

I mean, full disclosure, I was one of those people who passed at 17 having been given driving lessons as a birthday gift. Never given a free car though!

I only mention it if I’m saying I’ve been driving for 30 years to suggest I’m a good driver!

I do worry that I won’t be able to help my kids with their children much - even the extent to which I had some help from time to time from their non-local GPs.

I will likely be still working into my 70s and also will be broken by having always worked full time throughout with only two tiny maternity leaves, whilst also being a single parent from when they were 7 and 2.

I’m not even sure I’ll live to see my 70s!

I wonder if maybe some women of my generation (later Gen X) though not the OP’s see free GP childcare as their right, because their parents never had to do two full time jobs (working plus raising kids) simultaneously- in many cases one went to work and one stayed at home. Those women aren’t right to see it as their right but I wonder if that’s why.

I mean are they bragging or are they just stating a fact in a conversation!?

I think it’s fair enough to say that you learnt at 17 as you did at least have the get up and go to do the lessons and pass, even if someone else paid. Clearly the paying was a big help though!

I mean school is free for most people, but people still brag if they did well at it.

Maying bragging full stop is the issue though?

Being bought a car by someone else is clearly not something worth bragging about though.

I don’t think you’re unreasonable here!

If it’s so easy to “flick the duster about” they or their partners could do it!