To think all these mothers bragging about working full time are just using their own mothers as unpaid childcare?

But that's a self-selecting group, too. I once lived in a large midlands village where, when I put feelers out for a babysitter, I realised there was no call for it because everyone seemed to live close to extended family. I think that of the 27 kids in DS's reception class, all but two or three had at least one parent who'd also gone to the village school. If they no longer lived in the village, they lived in surrounding villages. We were very unusual in that not only were we not local, we were not British, and all our family was in another country.)

Whereas, other than this one, very insular place (which I got the hell out of asap), most people, in my experience, live nowhere near their parents, or, if they do, there's an additional reason.

No meaning to be rude but this is something you think about before getting pregnant. Those “people “ who worked full time after having their baby at 16 clearly knew what they were counting on.

The vast majority of people I know are British, I get it’s different if you live in an area with a lot of immigrants and grandparents live thousands of miles away.

Don't be silly. There are loads of people who don't live where they grew up, especially in big cities. It's got nothing to do with either nationality or immigration.

Not me OP. Single mum and I used an eye watering expensive childminder 8.30 -6pm 5 days a week and worked minimum wage as a receptionist. My mum died, and I have 0 family support as my surviving relatives moved 300 miles away.
Financially, emotionally, physically it was incredibly hard through the primary school ages. I missed dd’s first steps, I couldn’t go to school coffee mornings or spend holidays and Easter with her. I couldn’t maintain a romantic relationship because I just was exhausted and had no spare time. I took dd on cheap holidays to Blackpool or with tokens cut out of newspapers.
it has paid off now, I moved jobs 3 times earning a bit more each time. She’s 14 now and I finally landed a WFH job, cut out the childcare, and am home every day when she gets home from school, can take her abroad and pay for private tutors.
It can be done if you put your mind to it and make rough sacrifices ❤️

You’re projecting, OP. We used nursery 4 days a week 9-5.30pm. Never had family help. Maybe it’s different if you live in an area where families still live near each other - we don’t.

We know hundreds of families; I can only think of one couple with a Granny over the road and another (BIL and his wife) who got two days a week childcare by MIL.

Probably not, its broken down to 52% provide regular childcare during the week so thatd put you into the 13% doing occasional babysitting presumably unless you do it quite often.

My son's class, 30 kids, I know 2 families who have grandparent pick ups and we're one of them and it's once a week, otherwise he's in after school and breakfast club as needed

I paid most of my salary to send my son to nursery 3 days/week and was the first person in my company to request WFH - 20 years ago - so I could do childcare for the other 2 days. I had to schedule my work days with a strict routine so I could watch my son and do a full day's work. Due to my effectiveness, my company offered the same to other parents (mostly Mums)

I am super proud of myself for paving the way for future parents - mostly Mums - to gain work flexibility at my practice. Not everyone has family close by (including myself) so I fought to enable a different kind of support.

I'd say it's quite the opposite. Almost everyone in my circle working full time is using paid for childcare. They all also work 9-5 Monday - Friday with some flex or have a partner who works 9-5 Monday to Friday with some flex. The ones using grandparents in my circle are part time.

There are a few people I know that work opposite shifts to their partner or weekends when partner is off work.

Hmm I'm looking after a DGC for a couple of hours next week as her parents have to attend a meeting. I suppose that would put me into that 65 % Or the time I babysat for DD while get and her DH went out for their anniversary.

But it's different ( well in my view) than looking after them on a full time daily basis

The grandparents surely have some agency here though, surely?

Some grandparents actually want to be very hands on and involved. Others don't. Doing childcare requires the grandparents to consent to it. Your posts kind of sound like there's all these grandmothers out there in forced labour! Parents can expect childcare from their parents all they want, the grandparents have the option of using the word "no".

If there are grandparents out there providing the bulk of the childcare so that very young parents can finish their education and go into work, you might want to be thankful for them, because their childcare assistance has enabled those mothers to work and pay taxes. Those taxes contribute to the state benefits for parents in your situation who don't have the same choices because you don't have the family support.

What do you think those young mothers should do exactly? Not accept the help from their parents and not work so you won't feel bad? It's fine for them to be proud of working and it's also fine for you to be proud of raising your children full time by yourself, especially if you haven't had family help. Being proud of what you've achieved isn't the same as bragging or putting others down.

Well 9/10 in my network used paid childcare, full time.

I think you sound very bitter and judgy about it. Other people’s so-called advantages don’t affect your life.

You had a child at 16 and didn’t work for 4-5 years. On some level you made a choice, as we all do.

Your perception is that 9/10 people judge you when in reality most probably are so wrapped up in their own lives that they don’t have the time or inclination to judge you.

If you are happy with your life choices then it really doesn’t matter

Considering around 65% of grandparents provide childcare

65% of grandparents who provide some kind of childcare. Although, this figure varies depending on the study.

So, that includes grandparents who perhaps mind their grandchild for one hour on a Sunday to allow the parents to do a food shop, or once a month.

We need to be clear on that given that the OP is of the view that 9 out of 10 women have grandparents solely looking after grandchildren so that they can work full time and have an active social life.

The more regular the childcare is, the lower that percentage gets.

The scenario the OP outlines is going to be very close to zero.

Teen mums I knew finished their education and used childminders or daycare.

You are just unreasonable, you’re bonkers.

Yep. Learned when I was 37 and also zero people bragged to me.
Some were surprised but I would just say I've always lived in big cities and never needed to learn. And that would be the end of that conversation.
Not sure where OP is meeting all these people...

Then you have a problem with mean friends, you don't have a problem with people who get help with childcare.

Has someone actually called you lazy? I can’t imagine being this bothered by what other people do with their lives

Haha if only. My Mum works two days a week but doesn’t have time to see my child let alone look after her!! Friends all pay for childcare. I know lots of grandparents (old work colleagues, an uncle, mum’s friends, grandparents at playgroup that look after their grandchildren, mainly they say because they absolutely want to and love it and wouldn’t have it any other way.

Being a SAHM isn’t for me 😂

It’s more that if there’s 25% not in employment at all, the remaining 30% are either working part time by choice, or because FT isn’t an accessible option for them.

The latter isn’t good enough, it’s 2026. Women who want to work full time should be able to.