To think all these mothers bragging about working full time are just using their own mothers as unpaid childcare?

Don’t be silly. People don’t work full time to brag, they work full time to pay their own bills and provide the best lift they can for their children and themselves.

My husband and I worked opposite shifts to facilitate childcare, mostly in jobs we would prefer not to do but work the best for our circumstances.

Learn to drive. It will open so many doors for you.

I think you need to stop caring so much about what these other people think and just get on with living your own life, OP.

Yea, I mean I worked full time whilst my son was in childcare as parents still worked. Also studied in the evening to qualify. Was it hard? Hell yes it was, but I am benefitting from it 20 years later.

Are you me? Same situation. 3 in 4 dead, 4th one a grandfather in Asia working full time as a University professor.

Obviously this is more about what is going on with you @Ruddeo and there is a lot to unpick from what you have posted.

To answer your actual question though, almost everyone I know who works FT use paid childcare (possibly with some elements of family help here and there but no way does anyone I know have FT family childcare)

The people who do have family help are those - who like myself - work PT. My lovely MIL looks after my kids after school on the days I work to save us childcare costs.

Even then I am in the minority as I don't know anyone else who has the same level of family help that I do.

FT workers are statistically more able to afford paid childcare so on that point alone your theory falls down.

A lot of people just pay for childcare, most I know literally spent an entire wage on childcare bills when their kids were little. It’s quite normal.

None of my friends have used their parents for regular childcare. Not one.

They all work full-time.

Definitely not all but in some cases. My mum once tried to put me down for being a SAHM, saying that she didn’t have that option because her husband didn’t make enough money to support the whole family, implying that I’m privileged and lazy. I told her she seemed to be forgetting that she had the option to go back to work easily because she had a mum who looked after me and my sister all the time for free, whereas I have nobody who is willing to look after my children long enough for me to even go on a single date with my husband. And it wouldn’t make any sense financially for me to go back to work with the cost of full time childcare for two children. Weirdly enough she hadn’t tried to criticise me for not working since.

I can think of 2 families I know of with this kind of support usually shared between 2 sets of affluent grandmothers.

That's it though. Everyone else in my and my children's peer groups it's paid childcare. And even that is a pain in the backside to organise around kids specific needs, commutes, days that run late etc etc. The juggle is the hardest bit I think, during mat leave there was work and effort and whatnot but the rushing to drop. Pick up, the deciding if they are sick enough to call in to take the day off work again or if they are just sick enough that you can drop them off for a miserable day. Then the guilt the other way for the balls dropped at work. The juggle is hard.

I had my eldest at 18, worked full time from when he was 3 months old and paid for childcare. so no, you're wrong.

I've always worked fulltime apart from 4 maternity leaves. My in laws fucked off to France when I was pregnant with the eldest, my father died soon after and my mother lives 2 hours away and doesn't drive. So in my case, you are very wrong.

I very much doubt it is 9 out of 10. For a start a great many people don't live near their parents as they move away for university and work - of my university friends not one lives near their parents, many don't even live in the same country as them.

Well, we used childcare (combo of nanny and daycare), then my husband took a career break followed by part time work. His parents are dead. Mine live a 3 hr flight away.

I do know a few people who get help from their parents but in those cases it’s one day a week (which is pretty awesome)!

I don't think sahms are disgusting. Far from it. Stay home and raise your babies if that's what you want and I also don't care if their dad, your parents or the government funds it. Life is short. It passes by fast. Take what enjoyment, happiness and love you can where you can find it. I really appreciated my year off with each child, with hindsight of I could have afforded it id have taken 2 years. We couldn't though without taking too many steps back in other ways than we wanted and I value my career too.

I come at life from the advantage of career options and a decent husband and plenty of disadvantages I don't need to list. Just live your life.

Mine live 5 hrs drive away. PILs are closer but never home and have never helped with chidcare.

I worked at a loss for 2 years to cover nursery fees. DH worked cash jobs at weekends to cover it.

My cousin works full-time remotely and her child is 7. He's never been in a nursery, she was always his primary carer and my aunt (her mother) didn't help even when she was recovering from a C section and her child was an infant. Even though my aunt said she would help.

My other cousin has two kids and his wife is also working remotely - she works when kids are asleep, mainly nights and early mornings. Also minimal help from grandparents, mainly they just come for a visit here and there.

Another couple I know have a toddler and the mother is looking after her dying father on top of that.

So, no? I don't think every working woman has a lot of help.

Paid childcare here from day 1. The odd childcare swap with a friend. My mums dead sadly. My mil now does an after school day once a week and we're eternally grateful as it lets our kids attend a midweek sport. I'm not full time though, hats off to those who can. I'm 3-5 days week dependant and average around 26 hours a week.

Kindly OP, I think you need to change your mindset here. Unless these people that you speak of are screaming at you for being lazy, it’s probably how you’re reacting to their lifestyle rather than them creating an issue. And if they are, then you distance yourself. No one can make you feel anything about yourself, only you can.

(nursery hours are the easiest! 8-6 50 weeks a year? The dream).

Opposite for most people I know. My mum lives 250 miles away and works full time (as does my dad). DH's parents are dead.

We've paid for every hour of childcare we've ever used.

In my friendship groups, I'd say its the other way around - 9/10 who work full or even part time don't have grandparents help weekly and children are in nursery/childrcare outside of school. For context I have one at school and one in nursery. Most of us have parents who help in school holidays (for those with kids in school) but a week here and there not guaranteed childcare sorted.

You find a nursery or childcare to fit around your work. If you can't, you either changes jobs, your hours or find a solution that works.

I agree OP.
Whilst there are many people who pay for cc and wrap around cc, there are some whose grandparents do it all. Seemingly taken for granted by some with no insight or appreciation of the challenges (practical and financial) for many.
I raised my son alone with ft cc and am aware of the reality.

Paid childcare all the way here too. My DM is too busy living her best life after 45+ years of FT work to mind her DGC and we are thrilled for her - like every woman who raised a family, she deserves it! Gently, OP, don’t worry about other people’s childcare arrangements. We’re all just doing our best. I hope whatever annoyed you passes.

You actually had people say to you “you’re a lazy piece of shit?” What did you say to them in reply?

How do you know they assumed you were lazy because of your age?
I’m asking because I honestly think you’ve read into things and made assumptions because you yourself are doubting whether or not you did the right thing not getting a job.
Numerous people actually calling you a lazy piece of shit?

My mother has never once looked after any of my children.

I have always worked. I had my first daughter at 18. Still worked. Used paid childcare.

So no.

HTH