To think all these mothers bragging about working full time are just using their own mothers as unpaid childcare?

It's a wonder there are any kids in nurseries and with childminders, and working nannies - I wonder who all those children belong to? 🤔

Goady fuckery at work.

You say this as if waiting until then isn't a choice requiring sacrifice etc.

Does your mum do any childcare?

You’re exaggerating. I only know a couple of people who have grandparents helping. My mum and dad are dead. MIL and PIL help on some school holidays or inset days as they have retired , but mostly we pay for childcare.

No judgement though- people do what they can.

In my hometown - absolutely 90% of my friends have family support for paid work/nights out etc.

In the area I live now - more middle class professional area - private nursery is the biggest support. This wouldn’t be affordable in my hometown.

I do agree broadly with you though in terms of people being honest about how they are able to do things - whether grandparents, friends, partner, ex having the kids part of the time, paid childcare etc. The experience and capacity of one person can be so different to another on that basis.

Actually are you in northern Ireland? Because back home it really is more than 50% anyway who have family childcare. It is quite unusual to just have paid childcare. My sisters get upset with it (me less so because I moved away but they do lament that my mum would have had their kids for them and she definitely would have done. Then I'd probably have been the one moaning

On the days I do school run for my son I know 2 sets of grandparents who regularly pick up in my son's class and even that is only a day or 2 a week.

You don't obviously see in the parks the kids in nurseries and paid after school care.

Why is it hard to find a job between nursery pick up and drop off? My nursery was open 7:30am - 6pm. An effort is needed to be organised with logistics but what do you expect?

I actually think far more people these days use paid childcare than parents. There's always videos up on tiktok about millennials having grown up with grandparents caring for them but never being able to get respite from their own parents now who either want to focus on their own leisure time or are having to work themselves. So I think your 9 out of 10 times is wildly wrong

It’s absolutely not common in my experience.

The typical parent at my DS school is a mid 40’s professional who has worked up to a level where they have funds and flexibility to be able to fulfil all childcare needs.

I rarely see a GP doing drop off or pick up. Many are in their 70’s or 80’s so not involved on a day to day basis.

We all paid for private nurseries, many without the benefit of 30 funded hours.

I don’t think DH and I have ever had a single hour of unpaid childcare support.

My mum lives 150miles away, and my in laws are in their late 70s.

Sorry to disappoint, but no - they’re not facilitating us working full time.

The option to work during nursery hours (which in our area is usually 7:30-5:30) does exist.

You don’t have to take that up, but that’s a preference not a necessity.

I work full time, my toddler goes to nursery four days a week and granny one day a week - and we pay her. She went through a nasty divorce and lost a lot of money, so we pay her a proper wage on that day to help out (she's too proud to take money directly, world never ever ask or say she needs it).

I don’t know anyone who lives near enough to their parents for the parents to be useful. Also it seems pretty disrespectful to parents to expect them to be regular carers for you when they’ve already brought their kids up.

I presumably lead a very different life to you OP but everyone I know without exception uses full time private nursery or breakfast club / after school club. It’s extremely straightforward.

@Tontostitis most GPs don't do it full time though.

And most people only have the luxury of SAHP if there is someone else in the household earning enough to cover household bills

I think you might have missed it, but I posted the actual figures upthread, because they are gathered by the ONS. 63% of 0 to 4 year olds are in paid childcare settings. So your guess of only 10% is way, way off. As I said in that post, I’m sorry you haven’t got the support you hoped for but it’s not the fault of those 37% of women who are lucky enough not to have to pay for childcare.

I don’t know anyone who uses family as childcare. We all use a nursery. Our family don’t live in the same country so we arranged nursery places.

You sound really angry and bitter.

You've obviously done a great job at parenting, having a baby at 16 must have been hard, and I would never judge anyone who doesn't work because childcare doesn't work for them. It's hard for working mothers, childcare is expensive, and the work/parent balance is massively and unfairly skewed against women.

I'm sorry other people made you feel bad when you had a young baby, but it's maybe time to get over that now?

Ah a sahm vs wm thread. Op we’re all great and all exhausted too, no need for this

Look at how many grandparents are on the school run. Go to a toddler group and count how many Grandmas and Grandad's there are. Go swimming mid week and do the same. Go to the park after school it's full of us. I do it happily I love my grandchild and I know in the new world we live in two incomes are required so my generation has had to step up and we do. In droves.

I don't know a single person who uses their mother as childcare?

I literally don't know a single person who has used their parents for childcare. We all use childminders or nurseries (latest pick up for my children's 6:30) or nannies.

I had a nursery place arranged before my eldest was 3 months old & dh had organised his job so it would cover my out of hours obligations. It wasn't on our radar to use our mothers - regardless of anything else, they were busy with their own full time jobs.

From a whatsapp group of about 30 mums that I'm in, I'd say about 50% are working full time...roughly 30% of them have help from grandparents some of the time and private nursery to make up the rest. Others use full time nursery.
Only 2 of us have grandparents doing all of the care...I can't speak for the other person but my Mum insisted that she really wanted to do it and I also pay her roughly the local rate of a childminder (which she didn't want but I send anyway).
Small sample size but I don't think 9/10 is realistic.

This, anyone who is telling you what a lazy shit you are to your face for being a SAHM is not a positive to your life!