To think all these mothers bragging about working full time are just using their own mothers as unpaid childcare?

You sound unreasonable and quite limited in your perspective. Also, what’s wrong with having family members help out with childcare? If they are happy to do this and there’s an agreement in place, what’s the issue? My grandad used to pick me up from school until my mum collected me after 5pm. I developed a great relationship with my grandad as a result.

think you’ll find there are many types of arrangements out there as well.. from nursery, child minder, breakfast and after school clubs, baby sitters and those using a combination of the above.

Also, It’s not really any of your business how others raise their families.

Not this one either. Lived in a different country to all our family, so no family help, and paid for childcare all the way. I can fill in a summer school / club application with my eyes closed, I've done so many.

Came on here to say that too thank you. I think OP is ignoring the facts here. As a lone parent I used paid childcare too.

Varies from very little to none!

Honestly, the "you would think she could have flicked the duster about while she was there" mentality annoys me so much, although it probably is a bit of envy on my part too.

The number of 16 year olds in the UK having babies is vanishingly small. The average first time mother is 30.

That is shocking! I wonder how much housework their husbands are doing? 🤔

The reliance on an older generation of women who have already raised their children by some is shocking.

When are these women to have their own lives. Mind you, there’s an argument they should be saying no, and in the case of the women’s MILs, should be giving their sons a boot up the arse.

I think this could be area/regional specific, but I 100% agree it is the case in my area, OP. The amount of women I have worked with moaning about their mothers/mother in laws not doing enough housework for them too is shocking, from the perspective of someone who never had any help at all!

Having RTFT now, I do have some sympathy @Ruddeo . I had my first at 19, 2nd at 22. Some members of my extended family are quick to tell me/ anyone else that I had DC so I wouldn't have to get a job. Being at home full time was far more exhausting than working. So i can absolutely believe that you've had that judgement.

But none of the young mums I knew/ know worked at all, let alone full time. And I do get annoyed now when some of the mum's I know (in their 30s/40s) whinge about the job centre expecting them to get a job. Their children are upper end of primary/secondary school. Yes I had my mum to do childcare, but it's still not impossible to work without that.

What?

No. I work FT because I have to. My children don’t have grandparents. I can’t understand why you would ever think anybody brags about working FT. I’m knackered and that’s not an achievement.

Out of my circle of friends, only 2 have had significant help from grandparents. Most do not live close enough to their parents for daily babysitting and most grandparents are indeed still working themselves.

I don't know any teenage mums though, maybe that's different. Are all their mothers housewifes then? Otherwise I would expect that an average mother of a teenager is not retired yet.

Where do you live where there are a load of 16 year olds having babies??

You sound like you have a chip on your shoulder. Try to focus on your own life and your own children and give less thought to what other people think.

I think I might the only one or one of the only ones I personally know who is lucky enough to have grandparents who do regular childcare while I work. Everyone else I can think of off the top of my head pays a lot of fucking money for childcare.

None of my friends used a grandparent, they were all still working.

I work full time and have never used my parents or in laws for childcare. I sort it out between myself and my husband. We were told that my FIL in law was to frail and didn't feel confident looking after the kids so we never asked them to babysit. It is strange though that of few years on he is able to look after my SILs kids 😂Although they moan to everyone that will listen about it.

I work full time and use paid childcare. My mum is dead.

Where I live, I don't see any grandparents doing the activities you describe - because they aren't here. You clearly live in a place where most people do not move away for university and work (or indeed to retire) but your experience is not universal, and the ONS stats that someone posted up thread bear this out - the majority of parents are reliant on paid childcare.

My parents and DH’s were all working full time when our DT’s were born. Same for friends and extended family. Where are all these grandparents without jobs?

More like 1 out of 10 are using granny in my experience

everyone is using nursery or childminders that I know

Am I invisible? Are my posts actually appearing?

No, I pay for childcare and we get family childcare maybe 5 times a year. Very ignorant.

We were lucky enough to have a spare bedroom, that’s true. The house wasn’t in the greatest shape, but we had space. Didn’t have a lot of money but we did have space.

Having an au pair wasn’t the only option open, I’m just being clear that we went to quite extreme lengths to make sure we had childcare. Living in a city obviously helped make us an attractive host family.

I’m still in touch with some of our au pairs many years later!

Of course it's not 9 out of 10. Many women don't even live near enough to their mother (or MIL) to use them for childcare. I live 4 hours' drive away from mine! Are people really bragging about working full time? I've never heard this happen in real life. If anything, the opposite. People who are well-off enough to work part-time and have a good lifestyle have more reason to brag imo!

Exactly. Why worry about other people? We all have to make a living so we make it work. I don’t know many people with an active social life and small kids.

Why do nurseries around you shut at 3? There are some nurseries near me that are attached to schools, but they aren’t used by working parents as the hours offered are useless.

You are just generating these feelings though
I couldnt care less what other people do
Remove those chips

I'm the only mum i know who's own mum provided childcare. I'm always very open about the fact that I absolutely could not have done the job I did without her and would never claim that I did everything myself.

I didnt have a social life for years though, I thought the childcare when I was working was enough without asking her to do more.