AIBU to worry about my 19-year-old after his first breakup?

I wouldn't worry. Surely by the age of 19, he has learned that most people don't end up permanently with their 15 year-old sweethearts.

I remember this when I was young (we haven't reached this stage yet here) and the nicest thing my mum did was bring me a tea in bed each morning (I was being dramatic and just wanted to lie in bed crying for a few days!) She didn't really make me get up, she just would pop in with little treats like a cuppa or a chocolate bar, and made my favourite dinners to get me eating normally again. I think that age you really feel it, and need to be really dramatic - the fact you understand why he's sad, and aren't saying stuff like "he's being over the top" is already great for him, there's nothing worse than your feelings being seen as ridiculous. Just keep an eye on him, give him some love (it's a bit like when they're physically ill really) and give him time, he'll come through it I'm sure.
Good that you're also talking to him about respecting her space, first heartbreak is also about learning how to handle these things for the future and doing it appropriately (e.g. you can't hound her, stalk her, blame her, you just have to be sad and get through it, even though it feels rubbish). Sounds like he's doing a great job of that already which is testament to his character.

Yes OP. That's very important he tries not to bombard her with messages.

One message to say he is devastated, wishes it was a different outcome, and if she wants to contact him she knows how to, but that he will respect her decision and doesnt want to cause her any upset . He should tell his friends he has done this, and wants to respect her even though he is devastated.

That will show him to be the gentle, kind, respectful person he is. It will also eliminate any reason for her saying to the group he is pestering and harassing her and potentially causing a division how their friends see him.

Will also help him keep his head high and know he was respectful rather than a distressed puppy further down the line. Not sure I've worded that the most appropriate I could, but hope you get what I mean. I remember a friend of mine, when she split (no other person involved and still living at home) had to go to the police to stop him sitting outside her house and calling constantly.

Hi OP. I went through this with my child. It is heartbreaking to see them so devastated. And you just want their pain to stop.

I listened, when they wanted to talk. Yes same sentences over again. I left them alone when they just wanted to lie in bed watching something inane or watching nothing at all.

I couldn't answer the question of why. I found out quickly not to impose any opinion!

It is just letting them feel safe, cared for, having a trusted person to talk to. I guess he'll be talking to his friends. It will probably be one of them that lets slip if they know any reason for the split, especially if it involves someone else. Be prepared for that

Good luck. You're a lovely Mum being there for him and doing what you are.

This is ridiculous, I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years when I was 20, without anyone else in mind at all. We were just on very different life paths, I was at uni having fun and going out a lot and he was working full time and talking about saving for a house. Of the girls I knew in similar length relationships at that age they all ended for similar reasons to me, we were just not happy in the relationship anymore.

We were also part of the same friendship group @PeacheyPeach and that was probably the hardest part of the break up to navigate. Eventually it did end up in two separate groups forming, not that people took sides but over time it just naturally fell into separate groups depending on who people were closer to. Although I think that would have happened anyway as at that age lots of friendships grow apart. I would just encourage him to not try and get her to change her mind, I know you’ve already said you’ve discussed this with him but my ex did some pretty weird stuff after and I think that was what made a few people distance themselves from him.

I thought on here that only applied to men breaking up with women? Is it just possible she had outgrown the relationship? At that age you are really just starting to find out who you are and what you want in life, new hobbies, interests etc. Maybe they are just not aligned.

its coming though, very soon. She wont have broken up with your son without another guy in mind.

Two things you need to prep your son for:

1. how does he react when she introduces her new boyfriend to friend group, this will happen sooner than you think.
2. how he deals with her reaction when your son meets someone new, in my experience at that age, the reaction of girls when their ex meets someone new (who they broke up with) can be something unreal.

Just keep an eye on him. My DS turned to booze and gambling when he was dumped. Luckily, we managed to sort it before any real damage was done.

WTF have i just read here?

Yep!!

My sons GF was also in the same friendship group. They ignored each other for a long time and now just do brief exchanges. My son said it made him stronger. He also has fun now at parties and I can see the lightness in him. He is enjoying being single now.

He will get through it.

It changes you, that kind of break-up. Mine changed even my personality - or at least, my public persona - forever.

But, unless there's anything else going on to suggest otherwise, he'll come through what is a necessary process. And by necessary, I mean it's a vital part of becoming a fully-formed, empathic person.

I have a friend in her fifties who has never, ever been dumped. She has always got out first. And she's lovely. But there's a bit missing, and it's the bit that grows when you have your heart broken.