Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think rewarding children for high grades is unfair?

107 replies

TheLivelyCat · 16/03/2026 18:20

To think its wrong to reward children for high grades.

I've meet a few people and have seen online people who reward their child if they get top Grades in education. ie if you get a certain mark/grade parents will reward them with a trip, car, or something else big.
As a parent with 2 DDs one working above expected standards and one working towards expected standards, I feel this is unfair as my children who is working towards expected standards is probably working 2x as hard as my child who it naturally comes easier too.

OP posts:
Lmnop22 · 16/03/2026 18:30

You do know you get to choose the reward and the level required to get it for your own DC?

If you want to offer a reward to your DC just set achievable goals for them and crack on! Why is it unfair for someone else’s kid to get a car for an A when you could buy a car for a B?

newornotnew · 16/03/2026 18:26

I agree, rewards should be for effort or something else that is directly controllable.
Academic research shows rewarding/recognising behaviour is more impactful anyway.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/03/2026 18:26

The reward for getting good grades is, in my book, having good grades! That’s how hard work is rewarded, with the actual reward.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/03/2026 18:24

I absolutely don’t. I bought my dd a present when the exams finished (tickets to a show) for trying her best. Will do the same for DS in a few years time.

Tbh I’d have called any remotely acceptable “trying her best”.

Was a bloody good job I didn’t offer pay for good grades as she’d have bankrupted me with her 10 x 9s! 😂

Edit - this is the same attitude my parents took - a modest gift at the end of exams.

My DS is far less academic (not saying that to be mean, he has dyslexia for one thing) and so doing his best won’t result in the same grades as she got.

Ketley67 · 16/03/2026 18:24

I agree, kids should be awarded for hard work and reaching their best potential (whatever that might be for the circumstances)

Whoknowsa · 16/03/2026 18:23

You can choose to reward effort of you wish. But you cannot escape that those that do better at things typically get rewarded, whether it is a medal from sport, the lead part in a show is they are good at drama etc. It is for you to encourage your children to be the best they can be and reward appropriately.

TeenToTwenties · 16/03/2026 18:22

I tend to agree with you, but I think parents set reward systems they feel will work for their DC.
We rewarded effort not results, and done post exams but before results.

Swipe left for the next trending thread