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AIBU?

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Original poster

Passive aggressive or ?

36 replies

BlanketBlues · 16/03/2026 16:39

Is it a passive aggressive reaction to send a thumbs op as a reply to one holiday picture in Messenger ? Or is it an ok answer? We are in our late forties/early fifties. No other pictures sent.

OP posts:
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Shrinkhole · 17/03/2026 14:56

A heart ❤️ seems more appropriate for a holiday pic. I would use a thumbs up 👍 to agree to something factual like ‘let’s say Tues at 8’ or ‘I bought the dog food’ but on its own I would not read much into the choice of emoji

Nessa7 · 17/03/2026 14:31

Yeah the thumbs up is pretty dismissive. Maybe not intended that way but that's the way I take it.

Emmz1510 · 16/03/2026 22:24

BlanketBlues · 16/03/2026 21:42

I was the one sending the picture- I didn’t mean to “come across” as anything. It was just a holiday picture of my teenager and myself in front of a statue.

ah ok. I wouldn’t overthink it but not knowing the context/ background of your relationship with the recipient I would interpret this as being a bit disinterested. Or possibly jealous?

vincettenoir · 16/03/2026 21:55

BlanketBlues · 16/03/2026 21:47

I have been thinking about this for a bit today and some of you may say it is a huuuuge overthinking, but I feel nervous she is angry for something and been wondering why I would think this. I feel she has been pulling away/not answering phone calls and not replying to text but at the same time writing to my daughter about her - my daughters - 18 year party this summer. Which she is invited to. With her child and boyfriend. So on one hand I feel she is ignoring me and on the other, invested in my daughter’s birthday.
im so confused 🤔

Please don’t waste your time away with your daughter ruminating and posting about this. It was just a bit of a lukewarm response and it’s a real non event. Think no more of it. Or at least try to delay this spiralling until after your trip is over. Holidays like this are precious and if your dd is 18 you might not go away together many more times.

Original poster
BlanketBlues · 16/03/2026 21:47

I have been thinking about this for a bit today and some of you may say it is a huuuuge overthinking, but I feel nervous she is angry for something and been wondering why I would think this. I feel she has been pulling away/not answering phone calls and not replying to text but at the same time writing to my daughter about her - my daughters - 18 year party this summer. Which she is invited to. With her child and boyfriend. So on one hand I feel she is ignoring me and on the other, invested in my daughter’s birthday.
im so confused 🤔

OP posts:
Original poster
BlanketBlues · 16/03/2026 21:42

I was the one sending the picture- I didn’t mean to “come across” as anything. It was just a holiday picture of my teenager and myself in front of a statue.

OP posts:
CremeEggsForBreakfast · 16/03/2026 21:40

For me, it depends on who it is and what response I normally get from that person. My best friend would normally react with a heart and/or a written message so if she sent a thumbs up I'd feel dismissed. My mum is a bit more varied so I wouldn't read so much into it. If it was my husband, well, he never uses emojis so I'd assume he did it by accident! (He doesn't lock his phone properly and once changed the whole messenger theme of a shared chat with his mum to that of a Pixar film none of us had seen and sent a string of animated cloud emojis)

You could be projecting your own preferences onto this person but you know them best. Is this out of character for them?

Emmz1510 · 16/03/2026 21:36

BlanketBlues · 16/03/2026 16:39

Is it a passive aggressive reaction to send a thumbs op as a reply to one holiday picture in Messenger ? Or is it an ok answer? We are in our late forties/early fifties. No other pictures sent.

I wouldn’t say passive aggressive….but perhaps a somewhat disinterested reaction to a holiday photo. How did you mean to come across?

Original poster
BlanketBlues · 16/03/2026 19:58

I hope I am. I just get nearveus she is upset with me for something I haven’t considered..

OP posts:
Notmyreality · 16/03/2026 19:28

I think you’re way overthinking this.

Original poster
BlanketBlues · 16/03/2026 19:26

I just checked, our default icon is a smiley. I read it as “whatever”. I will wait for her to contact me as I at least think it is a confusing response.

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YerMotherWasAHamster · 16/03/2026 19:21

I believe the proper response is a heart.
Although I am old and all this is a bit weird to me.
(Apparently using a full stop at the end of your sentence is considered rude/snippy.
who knew?)

RudolphTheReindeer · 16/03/2026 19:17

I think it's fine but the young'uns might view it differently....

NoSoupForU · 16/03/2026 18:53

In Facebook messenger? The thumbs up is a default icon but sends without having to enter, and I press it unintentionally all the time.

Original poster
BlanketBlues · 16/03/2026 18:52

You are right.. thanks 😊

OP posts:
PropitiousJump · 16/03/2026 18:43

Don't over-think it. Enjoy your holiday, don't send any more photos, forget about your friend till you get home. It probably means nothing at all, but if it does, there's nothing to be gained by worrying about it while you're on holiday.

Original poster
BlanketBlues · 16/03/2026 18:33

A close friend.. i thouht..

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Batties · 16/03/2026 18:32

It kind of does feel a bit ‘whatever’. How was it you sent it to?

Original poster
BlanketBlues · 16/03/2026 18:25

I am on holiday with my daughter and sent a picture of us, in front of a statue. And Got the thumbs up. I read it as “whatever” and it had me thinking of what it means.

OP posts:
Lostworlds · 16/03/2026 17:31

I see it as pretty dismissive. My older family members either send it when agreeing to catch ups which I see as alright but if I or someone else sends a picture and they 👍 then others and myself find it a little cold. I would either react by clicking ❤️ or just say looks good!

Batties · 16/03/2026 17:27

I wouldn’t go as far as to say it was passive aggressive. It is dismissive though and seems like the person isn’t really interested.

OriginalSkang · 16/03/2026 17:22

Its not passive aggressive, but it is dismissive & pretty much means "I don't care" in that context. I'd only really use a thumbs up as a response to confirm details of something, like meeting times etc

honeylulu · 16/03/2026 17:20

Thumbs up typically means OK/noted/ agreed where there is no need for a more engaged response. It doesn't seem quite right for a holiday photo. I think anyone adding an emoji and wanting to communicate "that's nice" would tend to use the love heart.

"Ok" in response to a holiday snap seems a bit "and so what?" A bit like when a post is started on AIBU saying that their boyfriend dumped them by text and how do they respond. Someone always suggests a thumbs up as a way of saying "I'm fine and not bothered".

So it might be pass agg. Or it might be someone not particularly invested in emojis thinking "oh that's nice, must acknowledge" and using thumbs up as a generic gesture.

You know this person OP. Which do you think it is?

BogRollBOGOF · 16/03/2026 17:18

Thumbs up is a positive or an acknowledgement.

I'd probably use ❤️ on a holiday photo as it's a bit more enthusiastic, but I wouldn't see 👍as passive aggressive.

vincettenoir · 16/03/2026 17:15

It’s a bit casual and not particularly warm but it is in no way passive aggressive.