Why do people feel ok to extend their stay / outstay their welcome? And how to handle it .

I would leave your DH to entertain her.

My SIL has form for this. Not just outstaying her welcome, but also inviting herself to stay. DH is terrified of saying 'no', he thinks it would be rude. But surely inviting yourself is rude in the first place!

If they say ‘we won’t be in your way’ you are going to have to tell them why it is in your way. ‘I find I can’t concentrate on my work when other people are in the house so I need you to leave by x time’ or whatever is the reason but you need to be specific about it.

Stop having them visit.
Tell them no it has become too much.
No one needs users in their life like this.

They know exactly what they are doing but don't care about you.
They think you are a mug and so they push it.

My son lives 3 hours away. I arrive at a set time and head back at 1pm on Sunday. I couldn't abide out staying my welcome. I do go monthly though.

This

I couldn’t put up with this, just be clear and say you can stay until X time on Sunday, it’s your house for goodness sake, speak
up.

That's awful!
But they must be quite thick skinned not to realise they have stayed too long.
Have you tried : 'No, sorry, we were expecting you to leave this evening and we've made other plans based on that, so please go.'

We have lovely friends who live in a touristy location and who are also very generous hosts.

They are great at sending a quick text before any visits just asking us to confirm when we are arriving and when we are leaving for catering and logistical reasons. It means everyone is clear.

If we suggest that we'd like to come at a time that is not convenient for them they just tell us that it won't work with the minimum of fuss. Something like, 'Can you leave on Sunday night because we need to spend some time with DC1 as we've not had much family time?' The point is, they are honest with us, and it seems perfectly reasonable. There is no second guessing and it is quite respectful that they are sharing their reasons with us.

We do the same with any visitors as well. I think in your circumstances that if you tell the truth they cannot argue with it.

But good luck! I know that it is hard.

I think you can smile, say 'I'm afraid I need the house back at X time/now so I can have some downtime/get sorted for week ahead', and repeat as needed.

Or you can channel my aunt, who after I busy weekend (at her invite) I asked if there was anything me and DH could do before leaving.

Her reply: 'The best thing you can do is fuck off'. I wasn't offended. She's a tough one who's like that with everyone.

Ah yes my mother is like this. A weekend visit would entail her arriving at about 2pm on a Friday (whilst I’m still WFH) and then leaving Monday about midday. In the end I had to say look Friday doesn’t work for me. I’m tired after the working week and I don’t want to have to entertain when I just want to put my pjs on and be quiet (she’s a right chatterer too). So come Saturday around midday etc.

Anyway although it was hard to do (because she can get shitty if she doesn’t get her own way) she did accept it.

The problem you have is that you’ve already laid pretty good boundaries which they do not respect and clearly they will always come up with a counter argument which isn’t easy to say no to, because you end up looking like the unreasonable one.

I think you just have to be very blunt and say look, it’s not about you ‘being in the way’ - but I just want some time in my house without visitors and that’s perfectly reasonable.

Now fuck off……(mildly joking on that part)

Depends who it is really. My adult dc come for a weekend and sometimes stay an extra night, but they’d usually run it by me first. Anyone else, absolutely not.

Tbh with repeated instances of this I would just be turning down any requests to stay from these people - I am guessing they are your in-laws?

They obviously are happy ignoring your obvious hints for them to leave.

The only way I'd even entertain it one more time would be to say specifically at the time of booking "Yes that weekend will be ok, but you will need to leave Sunday evening as I have people coming to the house for an early meeting on Monday", but even then it just sounds like they'd absent themselves for a couple of hours then be back again.

I'd probably just go with 'sorry, we're not able to have house guests at the moment, would love to catch up with you if you're staying nearby though?" and leave it at that. Assuming they're not actually your PIL, in which case it's a bit more difficult and you probably will just need to grit your teeth and expect the visit to be a bit longer than initially planned.

Who are these 'relatives'? It might be a bit more difficult to be as forthright with your partner's parents then it is to be with a more distance relative who wants to come and visit because you live near the seaside.
If they're telling you to carry on with what you're doing they're not visiting are they, because you aren't available for the visit, if you're working ,therefore they're just holidaying in your house.
Instead of all this establishing what's meant by a weekend, I would just reduce the number of times that you say yes to them coming . Is it OK if we come such such a weekend -no it isn't and just keep saying that. If they asked why, I would say because the length of time you stay is inconvenient. you must remember what it's like when you yourself are working full time trying to fit everything in and although you say to ignore you and just carry on this isn't what I want to do.

You need to be blunter. My brother has a habit of trying this on.

When I hear the "Ooh, we might just go tomorrow, traffic will be better..." I just reply with a "No you bloody won't, you said you were leaving today, you'll piss off today, I've got shit to do"

Another one I use sometimes is "unfortunately we have plans so that won't work, it's been lovely to see you though"

The "plans" in question usually being a long hot bath with a book and a glass of wine!

Let me guess - they both have the hide of a rhino when it comes to picking up on hints to leave, but ALSO are incredibly sensitive and will get the hump if you just say no when they "ask" to stay longer?

We've had this before with guests who ask to come stay (also in a nice touristy area by the sea!). We now don't let people come the same weekend as if they stay the second weekend in July two years running they always seem to feel entitled to it every year after that, regardless of whether it's convenient for us or not.

When they ask:

• yeah, sorry we need the bedroom back on sunday night
• we've got some stuff going on sunday afternoon unfortunately
• that doesn't work for us this weekend, sadly

"We will need lunch" absolutely boils my blood. Cheeky fuckers, demanding meals when the parameters for the visit had been set!

Potentially good to have a few potential excuses up your sleeve...

Have a massage therapist / Estate agent / workman coming to measure up (whatever) and I need to be able to focus, get things ready and you being in the house will distract me.

Oh we will stay out of your way...

No, I'll know you're there and won't be able to focus / relax. It's best you leave at the time we agreed before. It's been such fun, thanks again for coming!

It's them not you. They're totally pushing their luck.

Get your partner on board, and start being very firm that they need to leave.

"We won't be in your way"
"I need my own space back now."

"We'll just stay till lunch"
"Please could you leave now."

If you need to be rude, so be it, they have been rude first by pushing the boundaries.

Say “we need to decompress before another week of work begins”. If they say “oh don’t mind us” say “No, unfortunately my brain doesn’t work that way, it’s just too distracting knowing that guests are still here”.

That makes it easy then. Tell everyone that people were using your house as free holiday accommodation and it was not enjoyable for you, so you have now limited hosting to one couple with one overnight a year. This years overnight has already been used, so no guests until 2027, but if they're in the area you love to meet them for a coffee.
If anyone gets pissy about it there's your proof they were just using you for your house. Genuine people can easily book an airb&b

You're not a guest house though!

Honestly, 'no' is a complete sentence. You don't need to give excuses. Its ok to be blunt with cheeky fuckers.

I think it's time to give yourself some time off with this. You can't host this year. Next year doesn't look good either 😂

Seriously, I couldn't stand it. If they ask, say you're not up to it, you've too much on, you're busy etc etc and I wouldn't care about upsetting them either. You've done enough hosting!

I would hate this. And probably say if cannot stick to agreed visit time then no more invites....