Why do people feel ok to extend their stay / outstay their welcome? And how to handle it .

So really if they said the weekend and arrived at sat am I'd think till Monday morn as they would have just said overnight if leaving on the Sunday .
But definitely understand your frustration with wanti5your house back ,,tbh I hate staying in someone else's home aswell as I like my own space

"They came again last weekend. i had specially said yes you can come but will it just be the weekend, they said ‘yes’ . They arrived sat am and to me the weekend ends sun eve. They then said can we stay Sunday evening as the drive is too far to drive on a sat and a Sunday."

So, that tells me that you are not inviting these relatives, they are asking to come and you are agreeing to their visit. So, stop agreeing - at least for the next three occasions they ask to come.

They phone you and ask to visit - you say no, I don't want any visitors for a while. They protest, they'll be no trouble - you respond that that's not the issue, you want some peace for a while; but, since you mentioned 'trouble', actually they are always trouble, trouble getting them to leave and you're just fed up with it now. So, you're having NO VISITORS for a while.

You can make a joke about it, that you have to have a crowbar on standby and all that - but make it clear that their constantly extending their visit is behind your refusal to have them visit now. And don't let them visit.

"I don’t suppose it helps that we live by the sea in a area that people love to visit !"
There are many seaside towns they can choose to visit. They can even choose your town - and go to a hotel / B&B / AirB&B.

Tell them you aren’t having people stay in your house any more (for personal reasons) but can recommend local hotels etc.

For me, that's the time to suggest some great places they can eat "on your way home" ...

Gosh, you were patient! By 6pm I'd have been saying something like 'it's been lovely to see you but we have to be getting on with a couple of things for tomorrow now' and stand up.
It's not rude - guests that outstay their welcome are rude, and need to be nudged into the behaviour required.

When we lived in Cornwall we got caught like this a few times.
Since we moved (not far away, but less "desirable") we've not had a single one.
I'm certain that proves something.

My DF is like this and I've worked out it's basically because he doesn't really consider himself a guest in my house. I've had to be very clear about what is and isn't acceptable for me, at times even bluntly because doing it subtly doesn't work. If they're your DH's family you and he need to agree the plan and he should take charge of making sure they leave as agreed.

Can I come and stay?

Turn internet off and take the router to work with you next time.

Righty o thats enough time for coats.
Cheerio.🙋🙋

I'd be finding an alternative use for my spare bedroom and telling them to book somewhere if they want to visit.

I like the ‘We need the house to ourselves/family time/to decompress from eg midday Sunday’ preferably in advance then remind them an hour before with ‘that doesn’t work for us’ if they dick about. They’d be beyond rhino hide if you remind them ‘I said we need….’ Although I found my parents hard. ‘We’ll just shut the door after us’ or phone slammed down because my DH was on nights so it wasn’t suitable and they were retired!

You have to use your words.. not make them an omelette and let them stay even longer!

I live in a very popular tourist area that has several festivals a year. I am very used to this problem - more people using us as 'a base' which essentially means sponging off us for days.

I solved the problem very simply. One year after a particularly frustrating time I contacted a local charity that takes furniture and donated all the spare beds to them. One spare room is now my study and one is a very large walk-in wardrobe for the four of us.

It was dramatic, but effective. Now if people want to stay they have to book an air BNB and oddly enough we seem to be a great deal less attractive as a 'base'.

Monday isn't weekend. If your guests are retired, tell them to bloody go and be retired somewhere else, cadging fuckers.

you need to tell them that your spare room is not an airbnb where they can book an extra night.

Sympathies!
My in-laws were like this. They would come down for 'a stay' with no end date. And if we dared to ask how long they were staying, or when they were going home, MIL would go mad and comment we were rude 'You're trying to get rid of us from the moment we arrive'.
They once stretched out a visit for 11 days ... it was horrible.

Only advice I have is to try to pin down an arrival and a leaving date before they come. But having tried this myself (and it did NOT go down well with MIL) I know it's never that easy.

Dh once invited a couple from his French conversation group round for tea - it was a reciprocal visit.
They arrived just after 3 and didn’t leave until 8!!

Well… your reply should have been, I’m working Monday, so you’ll need to be on the road by 9am.

do not compromise on this

they’ll say “oh it’s ok, we’ll just bla bla bla..” but you then say, “No, that won’t work, I’ll make you a cuppa first thing, toast etc, but you’ll need to be on the road for 9am, I’m working and don’t want to be distracted”

and repeat.

no, that’s not convenient
no, that doesn’t work for me
no, I’ve been clear.

oh and agree in future to Friday/Saturday night but leave on Sunday after breakfast because you have things to do

or in future say they can’t stay with you as they don’t listen to you when it comes to the arrangements and ambush you every time.

Part of being a good host is to be absolutely clear with your guests what your expectations are.

"Looking forward to seeing you next weekend. We'll expect you in time for lunch on Saturday - any time after 12 noon works for us. And we'll give you a good breakfast to send you on your way on Monday."

Or whatever ...

Surely the approved, even compulsory, MN response is “that won’t work for me/us”. If they ask why, don’t engage, because then they’ll debate alternatives. “I’ll make you some sandwiches for the journey but I have to ask you to leave by 9:30”.

In no circumstances say the word “sorry”.

I no longer stay with people if I can possiby avoid it. In the past I would tell people up front what time I expected to arrive and which train I intended to get back. That gave them the opportunity to suggest other arrangements if these did not suit. It also meant that both host and guest knew exactly where they were with times - barring accidents.

I grew up with a grandmother who had very strict rules about visiting times - even for family. She was also brilliant at getting rid of unwanted guests and overstayers. She had a clock which produced Westminster times on the quarter hour.

"Goodness is that the time? I must get on. Thank you for your visit. I will see you out."

No one ever argued with my grandmother.

I always say you are welcome but l will need to kick you out at 10am on Sunday ...but then you have to follow through with this

You keep agreeing to their demands and saying "yes you can" so...

Be specific about what day and time they'll be leaving (e.g. by 3pm on Tuesday) and stick to it. Make some appointment, like a haircut or something, if you are too weak-willed to stick to your guns.

When they said about eating before they go, or would have directed them to the nearest M&S/Tesco Express/McDonald's to get some food for the journey.
There is NO way I'd have cooked them lunch, or let them root through my cupboards/fridge.