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AIBU?

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To be pissed off DP has left me with his ex’s child and gone to work?

209 replies

NebulaNomad · 16/03/2026 12:02

My DP has a 15 year old DS with his ex, he was a teenager when he was born as was his ex. They broke up when he was young but they still are good friends and as a result as am I. Some people find that weird but it works and it's better to be civil even though his son is older now.

We have an 8 week old together and his ex has a 4yo and a 16 month old with her ex. She split with their dad when the youngest was a few months old and he has no contact with her or the children. Her 4yo has a heart condition so we help if we can with her youngest when he has appointments so she can focus properly on the 4yo and also due to the hospital being abour an hour and half away by train so it’d be a nightmare with the buggy and it not really being fair on her being cooped up in her buggy

Her 4yo is having his open heart surgery today he's already had a lot of surgeries etc in his short life bless him but his mum is still understandably worried. They have access to the Ronald McDonald (I think it's called?) house but he will be on the HDU/Icu and babies aren't allowed and she doesn't want to leave her 4yo alone who has had major surgery.

We agreed to have her, my stepson is also here obviously. DP has paternity leave of up to 6 months but he has only taken a month so far and is looking for more during the summer so we can go on holiday with our baby and his son.

Anyway, he booked this week as AL as we are having little one for a minimum of a week as the 4yo is likely to be in hospital for at least a week. DP has said he will take things whatever she needs and will be with the 4yo for a few hours so she can have a break but mostly it'll be just his ex as her family are abroad

Except... He's gone into work today because he's “short staffed” so I'm here with a 16mo who just wants to run around and my 8 week old. I know parents have this age gap but this isn't what I agreed to

Aibu to be pissed off?

OP posts:
Tableforjoan · 16/03/2026 12:21

Wildgoat · 16/03/2026 12:10

Not sure of some of these replies, it’s very easy to say prioritise the family that’s until the job goes and the bills aren’t being paid.

was it really a case of he could say no? Then yes it’s not ok. Would there have been a major issue if he did, then it’s a shit situation but it’s important to understand his hands were tied,

Then he shouldn’t be making please promises of watching his ex’s other child.

Op has a 8 week old. Either he watches this 18 month old or it goes back to its mother.

Everybodys · 16/03/2026 12:18

No, I'd be absolutely fucking fuming.

frozendaisy · 16/03/2026 12:10

OK you are there today and in the middle of this is a 4 yr old having major surgery

put cbeebees on and relax a day of tv isn’t going to hurt anyone

then talk to P when he gets back calmly explaining that it was both if you helping not just you
and tomorrow work will just have to be short staffed

Wildgoat · 16/03/2026 12:10

Not sure of some of these replies, it’s very easy to say prioritise the family that’s until the job goes and the bills aren’t being paid.

was it really a case of he could say no? Then yes it’s not ok. Would there have been a major issue if he did, then it’s a shit situation but it’s important to understand his hands were tied,

99bottlesofkombucha · 16/03/2026 12:08

And when he gets home hand him baby and go out to destress. If he is happy to dump a child not yours on you then he can’t complain about his own baby.

99bottlesofkombucha · 16/03/2026 12:08

Message him and say ‘you need to be home by lunch, you’re on leave, and if you’re not you will have to tell <your ex> you can’t look after her children as you’ve decided to work. i think that’s really unbelievably shitty of you when you offered, and everyone else will too as I will make sure everyone knows that you made this offer then fucked off to work while her 4yo was having open heart surgery.’

Tableforjoan · 16/03/2026 12:06

Yeah no he needs to come home and watch the child.

Itsafactitsactual · 16/03/2026 12:05

YANBU - did you not explain to him that him going into work wasn't the agreement that you had?

RedToothBrush · 16/03/2026 12:05

His priority is his work. Not his family. Not at a time when he's really needed.

This isn't ok. AL is AL. He should say no. It's not his fucking problem.

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